50 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do at Rikkaidai
by Yorozuya Gin-san
Summary: Rikkai Version of Apple Snapple's 50 Things. Number Twenty-One: I will not say Inui Sadaharu's more superior than Yanagi Renji. CRACK.
1. Pissing Off The three demons

… l blame AnuneFan for this…

Here's 50 things Rikkai version…

* * *

**One: I will Not Piss off the Three Demons of Rikkaidai (while being sugar high) with Juice boxes.**

* * *

"Oh my god!!! Niou-senpai!!!" Kirihara practically screamed to his senpai-tachi. "MARUI-SENPAI!!" 

Marui popped and a bubble and looked at Kirihara with an annoyed expression, "What do you want, Akaya?"

"Yeah, brat… can't you see that we're busy practicing?" Niou asked, gesturing to the tennis racket in his hand.

"You're not practicing… you're just holding on to a racket…" Kirihara said.

"…"

"ANYWAYS, I WANNA TELL YOU SOMETHING!!!"

"And that is…?" Niou questioned, raising a brow.

"IT'S PAST THE NEW YEARS, BUT I KNOW MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION!"

"Which is…?" Marui asked.

"TO BOTHER THE THREE DEMONS OF RIKKAI TILL THEY CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE AND MAKE ME BUCHOU!!" Kirihara declared excitedly.

Marui blew a bubble, "But we're gonna graduate anyways, does it matter?"

"YES IT SO DOES MATTER," Kirihara replied.

"Ok… how much sugar did you eat today?" Niou asked.

"WHATDOYOUMEANIDIDN'TEATANYSUGARATALL!!" Kirihara screamed, jumping around like an idiot.

Niou looked at Marui who twitched and said, "What? Are you suspecting me of giving Akaya too much sugar?"

"Yes," The petenshi replied. "Yes I am."

"I'M GONNA GO BOTHER YANAGI-SENPAI FIRST!!!" Kirihara shouted, running off really quickly to wherever Yanagi is.

"That's it, you're never chewing gum in front of me anymore," Niou said.

"What? Why? I didn't give Akaya sugar!! IT COULD BE JACKAL, DAMMIT!"

Somewhere out there… Jackal sneezed.

* * *

"YANAGI-SENPAI!!! YANAGI-SENPAI!!!" Kirihara shouted… IN THE LIBARARY (of course, no one cared because no one ever goes to the library anymore… THEY HAVE THE INTERNET!) 

"Hmm? Is there anything you needed, Akaya?" Rikkai's Master asked.

"YESSSS!! I'M HERE TO ANNOY YOU!!" He declared.

"Ah… is there anything else besides that?" Yanagi asked calmly.

"YES! I'M HERE TO ANNOY YOU!!"

"Did Marui feel you with too much sugar again?" Yanagi questioned, filling in his awesome DATA.

"OF COURSE HE DIDN'T. I ATE A REALLY SUGARY BREAKFAST TODAY!!" Kirihara exclaimed. "NOW LEMME BOTHER YOU!"

"…" Yanagi kept filling in his precious data.

Kirihara pouted, walked away, and came back with a juice box to refill his sugar levels, but then he thought of an evil little idea. He squeezed the said box and juice splattered all over Yanagi's _precious_ and _valuable_ data. "OOPS… DID I DO THAT?" Kirihara laughed evilly.

Yanagi twitched. He kicked Kirihara outta the library.

"HAHAHAHA! ONE DOWN, TWO TO GO!!" Kirihara said to himself. "NOW WHERE TO FIND SANADA-FUKUBUCHOU…"

* * *

"FUKUBUCHOUUUUU!!!" 

Sanada turned around to see a Kirihara Akaya running full speed towards his direction. He twitched, "Did Marui feed you with too much sugar again?"

Marui, who was just standing a few feet away from Sanada, twitched and said, "I DIDN'T FEED HIM WITH ANY SUGAR, DAMMIT!"

"'Course you didn't…" Niou muttered sarcastically.

"FUKUBUHOUUUUUU!!!!" Kirihara yelled. "I SHALL BOTHER YOU!!!"

"…Akaya… get back to practice…"

"NEVER!!! NOW EAT JUICE BOX!!" Kirihara exclaimed, pointing a juice box at Sanada.

"…"

"DIEEEE!!" The second year ace screamed, squirting juice at Sanada's _precious_ cap. "BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU'VE BEEN JUICE'D!!!"

"…" Sanada twitched.

Once…

Twice…

"BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kirihara continued on laughing evilly. Marui and the other regulars already made a run for it.

Three times….

"TARUNDORUUUUU!!! AKAYAAAA!!!"

"BUWAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!"

_SLAP._

"…" Kirihara was on the ground.

"RUN 100.9 LAPS!"

"Dude… how'd you run 100.9 laps?" Marui asked.

"YOU RUN 51.79 LAPS!" Sanada bellowed, pointing to Marui.

"DUDE, HOW DO YOU RUN 0.79 LAPS?!"

"THAT'S IT!" Sanada slapped Marui as well.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!?"

Niou yawned, "Marui… you're saying 'dude' waaay too much. "

Kirihara got from the ground, his eyes bloodshot. "BUWAHAHAHAHAHA!! I HAVE FINALLY PISSED OFF SANADA-FUKUBUHOU!!! TWO DOWN, ONE TO GO!! BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"…Did life just die from its overdose of crack or something?" Marui randomly asked.

"GO RUN YOUR 51.79 LAPS ALREADY, MARUI!!! TARUNDORU!!"

"I'M NOT RUNNING ANYTHING THAT HAS DECIMALS IN IT!"

"THAT'S IT!! 100,000 LAPS!"

"…"

"TARUNDORU!!"

* * *

"YUKIMURA-BUCHOU!!!" 

Yukimura smiled nicely to Akaya in the locker rooms. "Is there anything you needed Akaya?"

"I'VE COME TO BOTHER YOU!! IT'S MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION!!" Akaya announced, with his eyes still bloodshot.

Yukimura looked at Kirihara, then he pulled out a bottle of eye drops from his pocket. "Akaya… your eyes are red… lemme… help you with that," He said in a somewhat evil/nice voice.

Kirihara stepped back, "NO! I WILL NOT GET EYE DROPS FOR MY EYES!"

The buchou of Rikkai smiled his, "OH RLY?" smile and said, "But Akaya… your eyes are red… I'm going to help you… I'm sure it won't hurt… MUCH."

Kirihara gulped, "NOOO! NO EYE DROPS FOR AKAYA!!" he yelled childishly. "NOOOOO!!!!!"

Meanwhile… Outside….

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Marui looked up from his shoes, "Was that Akaya's voice?"

"Aren't you supposed to be running?" Niou asked.

The red head ignored him and repeated his question, "Was that Akaya's voice?"

"…I don't care…" Niou said, getting his tennis racket.

Marui shrugged, "Neither do I…"

"MARUI BUNTA, RUN YOUR LAPS!! TARUNDORU!!"

"…che… stupid old man…"

"I HEARD THAT!! DON'T MAKE ME SLAP YOU!"

Back inside….

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!" Kirihara's eyes were not bloodshot anymore.

"Akaya…" Yukimura said, slowly. "Did you bother Renji or Genichirou today?…"

"…I b-bothered both…" Kirihara replied.

Yukimura smiled his, "DIE BIOTCH" smile and said, "Come outside with me… ok?"

Kirihara gulped again and silently followed his buchou.

"Niou… would you please help?" Yukimura asked.

Niou walked in, "Ok… puri!"

Kirihara looked at the two senpai-tachi, "W-what are you two gonna do? W-WHAT'S WITH THE ROPE?!?! HEY! HEY! LEGGO OF MEEEE!!! NOOOOOO!!!!"

* * *

Yukimura smiled. Niou smirked. Marui looked somewhat distressed. Jackal sweatdropped. Yagyuu coughed more than usual. Sanada had a stern look on his face. Yanagi looked… emotionless. 

"LEMME OFF OF HERE!!!" Kirihara shouted. "I NEED MY SUGAR LEVELSSSSSS!!!"

"Marui… don't feed him sugar…" Yanagi, Yukimura, Sanada, and Niou all said.

Marui twitched, "I DIDN'T GIVE HIM FRICKING SUGAR, DAMMIT!!"

Jackal looked shamefaced, "I accidentally gave him 0.05 grams than I should have… I'm sorry buchou… I never knew he would go crazy…"

Yukimura smiled, "It's ok… you'll be on the pole next week."

Jackal gulped. "Ummm… why?"

"Because you made me lose _my_ data (which are better than Sadaharu's)."

"Because you made me get blamed for giving Akaya too much sugar."

"Because he ruined my hat."

"Because you made me have fun and tie up Akaya to a pole, puri!"

"…"

"LEMME OFF!!" Kirihara cried. "I HATE HEIGHTS!"

"And that's why it's fun…" Niou said. Yukimura had nodded in agreement.

"Umm… Jackal fainted…" Marui stated. "Can I steal his money?"

Yagyuu decided to go home that day…

"LEMME OFFFFFF!!" Kirihara screamed.

He wasn't let off till the next morning at the beginning of school when a teacher found him… Poor boy.

That's why we should never piss off Yukimura…

* * *

This chapter had too much decimals in it... lol 


	2. Never Losing at the Kanto Finals

Thanks for all those reviews!

Here's chapter two…

* * *

**Two: I Will Not Lose in The Kanto Finals EVER** (especially if you're Sanada)

* * *

"FUKUBUCHOU!!!" Kirihara yelled. "FUKUBUCHOUUUU!!!"

Sanada sighed, "What is it, Akaya?" He grumbled. He was getting a headache…

"CAN I BORROW YOUR HAT??" Kirihara asked excitedly.

Niou snickered and walked in, "Sanada… guess what Yukimura has in store for you!" He said in a fake happy tone.

"He finally got enough trust in me to let me take charge of the team again?" Sanada asked hopefully.

"No… but… he asked everyone to get to the locker rooms…" Niou said, strolling off.

"Ooh!! I think you got in trouble!!!" Kirihara said.

Sanada glared at Kirihara and headed for the locker rooms.

* * *

"Genichirou…" Yukimura greeted, smiling.

"Yukimura…" Sanada greeted in return. "Renji…"

Yanagi nodded, "Genichirou…"

"KIRIHARA AKAYA!!!" Kirihara shouted randomly.

"…"

Niou yawned, "Why is everyone here and not practicing?"

"Because… I wanted to tell everyone…"

"_Here it is!!_" Sanada thought happily.

"I picked Akaya in charge for Genichirou's punishment for losing in the Kanto finals!" Yukimura finished happily.

Sanada could have done a jaw drop… he could have ran off screaming like a lunatic… but he didn't, because he's SANADA GENICHIROU and not KIRIHARA AKAYA or anyone else for that matter. "I-is that a good thing?" He asked Yukimura.

Yukimura smiled his, "DIE BIOTCH FOR MAKING US LOSE" smile and said pleasantly, "Genichirou… I hope you have fun."

"Really Buchou?" Kirihara asked cheerfully. "I get to torture—er… do whatever I want as a punishment?"

Yukimura only smiled.

"Puri! Can I help then…?" Niou questioned, raising a brow.

"Of course you can, Niou," Yukimura replied cheerfully.

"That's the best part…" Niou said, chuckling evilly.

Sanada sighed, his headache is getting worst…

Renji gave Sanada a pat on the shoulder, "There, there, Genichirou… I'm sure the torture—er… fun will not be that bad…"

* * *

Kirihara was running around Sanada, "You're in trouble! You're in trouble!" He sung like a three year old (if three year olds could sing, that is).

Sanada twitched. Why'd Echizen have to win? If he didn't win, Sanada could have _not_ have to deal with an immature second year!

Kirihara ran around him like a lunatic… or even more than usual, Sanada couldn't tell.

Niou yawned, "This is _so_ immature, Akaya…" He muttered. "Let's do something horrible now… Umm… give me his uniform jacket."

Kirihara stopped running, shrugged, and ran to the locker rooms to get it. A few moments later, Kirihara reappeared again with Sanada's new jacket. "I got it!! I got it!!" He yelled while running crazily towards the two senpai-tachi.

Niou gave Kirihara a look before taking the jacket. "Now… get me some juice, ketchup… ya know, those things," He ordered the younger boy.

Kirihara shrugged and ran off for the said ingredients. About ten minutes later, Kirihara ran back with armfuls of stuff.

Niou smirked evilly and looked at Sanada, "I'm sorry Sanada… but… you jacket's not gonna be new anymore… or yellow…"

Sanada twitched, he would run up to beat the hell outta Niou, but Yukimura ordered Yanagi to TIE HIS HANDS TOGETHER… and the data master did. Poor Sanada.

"I got the stuff!!" Kirihara cried. "Can I smear peanut butter on his jacket now, senpai?"

Niou nodded, "Go for it, bratling."

"WOOTS!" Kirihara exclaimed. "Now… I SHALL MAKE A MASTER PIECE WITH FOOD!!!! …and Sanada-san's jacket." He kneeled down and started to um… "draw" on Sanada's jacket.

Sanada twitched even more. He made a mental note to _kill_ Kirihara later in his sleep.

Niou smirked evilly. Oh how fun this was… Sanada should lose more often!

* * *

"I'm done!" Kirihara shouted, getting up from the ground.

Sanada could have cried. His _precious new jacket_!!! It was covered in dirt, MUSTARD, jelly, peanut butter, CREAM CHEESE, some water stuff Sanada would _not_ identify… and a lot of other junk mixed together to form some weird picture. He is _soooo_ gonna cream Kirihara later in tennis.

Niou smiled wickedly, "We're not done yet!" He said.

Sanada groaned. WHY GOD?! WHY DID ECHIZEN HAVE TO WIN?!

The petenshi pulled off Sanada's hat, "Here Akaya… do whatever you want to do with it, puri!"

Sanada twitched even more. NOT HIS PRECIOUS HAT!!! HE GOT IT AS A FIRST YEAR FROM SANTA!!!! NOOOOO!!!! "You're a sadist, Niou…" Sanada grumbled angrily.

"I know… Thank you," Niou replied. "Now your hat's going bye-bye… Poor Genichirou! Oh WOE IS TO HIM!" He cried dramatically.

Sanada made another mental note to DESTROY Niou later and bury his body where no one would know…

Kirihara took out a pair of scissors and started to cut the blue hat. Sanada couldn't look, NOT HIS PRECIOUS HAT!!! A small piece of string fell off from the hat.

"M-MY HAT!" Sanada shouted. "AKAYA… IF YOU GIVE ME BACK MY HAT… I'LL… I'LL BUY YOU FREE CRAYONS!"

Kirihara stopped.

Niou scowled, "Now brat… don't you like seeing Sanada's tortured face? Why don't you continue on? I'll get you whatever it is you want…later."

Kirihara looked at Niou, then Sanada, then Niou.

"Don't do it Akaya. I'll get you a free movie ticket to see that movie you wanted," Sanada said.

"Che, I'll get you that rated R movie," Niou countered. "AND I'll treat you to ice cream… yes, no Marui this time… meaning, you get all the ice cream you want."

Kirihara gasped, unlimited FREE ice cream! "I'LL FOLLOW WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO DO, NIOU-SENPAI!!"

"Good, now continue destroying Sanada's hat," Niou commanded, pointing to the hat.

"YES SIR!!!"

"You… _lose_," Niou smirked, looking at Sanada. "AGAIN."

Sanada twitched and watched his precious hat get torn to pieces by their second year ace.

* * *

Kirihara had done it. He had RIPPED Sanada's hat and torn it into pieces! YAAAY! PARTY!

Sanada was close to sobbing for his lost. Yes, he was _very _mad at Kirihara… and mostly at Niou. Actually, he wanted to _kill_ Niou.

"Yukimura-buchou!! I MADE SANADA-SAN VERY SAD NOW!! I THINK THAT'S TORTURE ENOUGH FOR HIM!!"

Yukimura walked in and smiled his, "YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED BISH" smile and said nicely, "Why… thank you Akaya, you're such a great help to me. What could I have done without you? Now… time to torture Yanagi…"

Kirihara nodded, "That's simple!!" He ran off and came back with Yanagi's notebook. "TIME TO BURNNNN!! BUWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!"

Niou smirked, "Go for it…" He said. "After all… you lost too…"

Kirihara stopped and gave Yukimura his "Awesome super mega super awesome puppy eyes to the billionth level until you could see puppy ears, tail, and some sparkly stars on him" look. "D-do I needa get punished, Buchou?" He asked as cutely as he could.

Yukimura smiled his "OMFH! YOU'RE SO CUTE" smile and said, "Of course not… you've been a great help today… You'll get your punishment next week."

Kirihara pouted, "Next week?"

"Or tomorrow."

"N-next week is fine," Kirihara said. "Now… TIME TO BURN DATA!!"

Niou started a random fire, "Here… throw it in."

"BURNNNN!! HAHAAHAHAHA!!!"

This was the best fun Kirihara ever had in a tennis court ever. He wished Sanada-san would lose more often…

While for Sanada… he's NEVER LOSING AGAIN!! TARUNDORU!!

Yukimura had his fun and Niou got paid for his job. Yanagi got depressed and went to Inui for data.

AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!! YAAAY!!!

* * *

That was really retarded… I know… XD 


	3. Marui, monthlys, crossdressing JOY

Next Chapter!!

I thank My Dad is Mr. Clean for the crack ideas… XD (and for the perv ones... well... she helped... BUT I WROTE IT, SERIOUSLY! I DID!!)

I'm bored so I'll make Yukimura call everyone by their first names cuz he's god. XD

* * *

**Three: I will NOT Insist Marui Bunta has Monthlys (or Hourlys)**

* * *

Marui yawned; it was a perfectly normal Rikkaidai day. Oh _joy_. He blew a bubble, and it unexpectedly blew up all over his face. "Oh great… my hair is messed up 'coz of my stupid gum…"

Great, now Marui had greenish tips for his hair. _JOY_.

Later in practice, Marui got scolded for being late (he had to get the gum out of his _precious_ hair). He didn't care… he wasn't _that_ late, only like… 5 seconds (Sanada tells Yanagi to time it, he's doing a real good job of that…).

"Maa… Bunta, are you ok?" Yukimura asked politely as Marui finished his 50th lap. "You seem… tired."

"I'm fine, Yukimura. You worry too much," Marui answered, plopping down on a bench to tie his shoes.

Niou casually strolled by and said, "He's probably having a monthly…"

Kirihara popped in, "Whatsa' monthly?" He asked curiously.

"None of your business, brattling," Niou replied coolly.

Marui twitched, "Niou… when you get involved in my life, there's nothing good outta this…" He said dangerously. "Leave… NOW."

Niou smirked, "See? He's getting mood swings!"

"SHUT. UP. NIOU! LEAVE. ME. ALONE!!" Marui repeated.

Kirihara hid behind the Wall (AKA JACKAL) and mumbled, "Marui-senpai… is so… scary…"

A few moments later, Kirihara ran to Marui, sparkly eyed, and cried, "Marui-senpai!! I wanna be just like you when I grow up!!"

Yukimura sighed and pulled his little kouhai away, "No… you don't want to be like Bunta, Akaya…"

"W-why not?" Kirihara asked, pouting to his buchou. "Am I not supposed to have monthlys? What are they? Why can't I have them?"

"Because…" Yukimura thought of a good, child-safe word, "He's… having a… umm…"

Yukimura was thinking really hard for a child-safe word and when he saw Kirihara's curious puppy eyes, he could have just went down and gave the boy a hug, but since he's YUKIMURA SEIICHI and he's BUCHOU, he didn't. "Bunta… has… peeing issues, yes, that's it. Peeing issues."

The second year's eyes widened, "Peeing issues?" He gulped. "W-why does Marui-senpai have peeing issues?"

Marui pouted and said to Yukimura, "Buchou! That's not making me feel better! And I do _not_ have peeing issues! WHY DO YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE PEEING ISSUES?! D-do you hate me? I-I KNEW IT! RIKKAIDAI HATES ME!!! WAHH! I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!! Is that is? I'M JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH, HUH?! WELL, GUESS WHAT? I'M BETTER THAN EVERYONE HERE!!! HA!! …I'm sorry!!" The red head rambled on.

"Definitely monthly…" Niou murmured to out loud.

Marui twitched. He faced Niou with a saddened face and cried, "YOU HATE ME DON'T YOU? WAHHH!! IT IS BECAUSE I'M WEIRD LOOKING? GASP… I'm weird looking aren't I? I HATE YOU! GET OUTTA MY LIFE! DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME!"

"God… don't be bitchy to me…" Niou muttered when Marui stomped off. "Weirdo…"

Yukimura smiled, "Bunta… would you like a drink?" he offered, holding up a bottle of juice (regular juice, thank god).

Marui sniffled, "Y-you're so nice, Yukimura-buchou!" He cried. "You're the best ever!"

Yukimura smiled his, "I know I'm the best, DUH" smile and said, "Thank you Bunta."

Niou smirked, "Ne…Marui… don't you like, have to change… ya know, once in a while?" He asked evilly.

The red head glared, "I. AM. NOT. A. GIRL." He said dangerously with gritted teeth.

"Sure and we're all from Seigaku," Niou said. "NOW GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE YOU WET YOURSELF!"

Kirihara looked curiously at the three senpai-tachi, "Why would Marui-senpai wet himself?"

"That's not any of your business, brat."

Kirihara stomped off pouting.

"Now… Marui… go…" Niou ordered.

"I DON'T GET MONTHLYS!!" Marui screamed at Niou. "NOW GET OUTTA MY LIFE!!"

"Actually… I can't really 'get out of your life' 'cause we're in the same tennis team…" Niou explained smartly and stuff.

Marui twitched, "Get out of my LIFE NOW," he commanded.

Kirihara came back with his puppy eyes look, "Marui-senpai… why are you so mad at Niou-senpai?" He asked in his everyday babyish voice.

Marui stared at Kirihara. Kirihara's dark green eyes stared back. Marui finally said, "Alright… I won't be mad… because…"

"Hmm?" Kirihara gave Marui another curious puppy eyes look.

"You and your puppy eyes…. ARE SO… SO… CUTE!!" Marui cried, almost glomping Kirihara to death when Yukimura safely pulled the second year outta harm's way.

"W-why did Marui-senpai wanna huggle me?!"

"Pth… huggle? How childish, Akaya…" Niou said, sighing.

Yanagi popped outta nowhere and said, "Yukimura… there was a 75 percent chance that Marui is having his monthly…"

Yukimura smiled, "He is," He mouthed out to Yanagi, trying not to get Marui anymore pissed (does it really matter? Yukimura's… unharmable… if that's a word).

"Ahh… I see," Yanagi said. "Well… we might as well get him as happy as possible (we don't want the same incident last month… ahh, I feel so sorry for those cheerleaders)."

"Yes… we can… give him a dress!" Yukimura suggested happily.

Jackal, who was standing nearby sweatdropped, "A dress?" He murmured to himself.

Yanagi nodded as if it were the normalest thing in the world, "Yes… let's."

Kirihara just ran off when Marui attempted to squish Kirihara with a glomp/hug.

* * *

"Yes Bunta! This is the outfit we're giving you," Yukimura said joyously, smiling at his own good handiwork.

Marui flushed, "B-buchou… I just need to ask one thing…"

"Yes?" Yukimura asked.

"WHY AM I WEARING AKAYA'S SISTER'S CLOTHES?!?" Marui shouted, attempting to run off screaming like an idiot and probably lock himself in a closet.

"Because… we want to make you… happy…" Yukimura replied softly.

"…I don't feel happy…" Marui muttered.

"NOOO! OF COURSE YOU DON'T!! YOU DON'T HAVE FLOWERS IN YOUR HAIR, SENPAI!!" Kirihara exclaimed, throwing flowers in Marui's hair.

"What. The. Hell," was all Marui said when the flowers were in his hair.

"Bunta! Ladies don't curse!" Yukimura scolded.

"When did I become a lady?" Asked Marui, twitching.

Yagyuu pushed up his glasses, "Marui-kun… I believe you were always lady-like…"

Marui twitched some more, "L-lady-like?!" He cursed under his breath.

"Bunta!" Yukimura scolded yet again.

"What? Niou can curse! Why can't I?" Marui protested, crossing his arms, making the bracelets jingle and jangle.

"Because… Niou's a man…" Yukimura replied as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

"Oh and I'm NOT?"

"No… not really," Yanagi said.

Niou smirked mischievously, "Hey Marui…" He started.

"What?" Marui asked rudely.

"Ya know… you really need support…"

"Support?"

"Yeah…Ya know… your boobs," Niou said, poking Marui in the chest.

Yukimura scolded Niou for doing so, and Marui slapped Niou in return.

"SEE? He's a girl!" Niou exclaimed. "HE SLAPPED ME, AND NOT JUST ANY SLAP. HE _BITCH_ SLAPPED ME."

Kirihara gasped, "Marui-senpai slapped Niou-senpai!!" a few moments later, he added, "I WANNA BE LIKE MARUI-SENPAI!!!"

Niou grabbed a bra outta nowhere and shoved it in Marui's face. "I'm sure this'll fit 'cha just right," He said with an evil smirk.

"What's that?" Kirihara questioned, pointing to the said item Niou was holding. "Nee-chan buys them!! What are they?" He made a grab for them and Niou swatted the second year away.

"Piss off, brattling… we don't need you here right now."

Kirihara pouted and ran to his beloved buchou whining about Niou. "Niou-senpai won't tell me what that is!!!" He cried, pointing to the item Niou had in his hands.

Yukimura gasped a bit and smiled, he gave Kirihara a pat on the curls, "Now, now Akaya… that's… for girls…"

"WHY? Nee-chan uses them!"

Niou ignored the yelling brattling of Rikkaidai and went on talking to Marui. "Ok… so… get this one and—"

Marui slapped Niou again. "I'M NOT A GIRL DAMMIT!"

Niou muttered something about Marui's hourly and went off while dragging Yagyuu off with him.

Marui stomped off for home. His brothers never paid attention to his clothing so, he went upstairs and never came back down. Why? Because he locked himself in and started being crazy. Yes… Marui has officially lost it.

"Nee-chan lost it…" One of his brother said.

"I thought he was nii-chan… not nee-chan…" The other one commented.

The other dropped his pencil and looked at his brother, "He looks like a nee-chan to me… are you sure mother didn't tell us he was our sister?"

"I dunno."

"DAMN YOU NIOU MASAHARU!!!" Marui Bunta screamed from his window.

"I think he's in love," one brother said.

"Yeah, he's in love alright."

* * *

Niou sneezed.

His younger brother looked up from his homework and asked, "Did you get someone pissed at you again?"

Niou shrugged, "No one that I can remember… because Yukimura was the one who had the idea of dressing up Marui…"

His sister went in and teased, "Awww, you got yourself a girlfriend? That's why you've been sneezing so much for the past half an hour?"

"Nee-chan… I hate you," Niou replied, faking to be sad.

His sister faked sobbed, "I'm sorry, Haru…"

The youngest brother stared at the two as if they went mad (they kinda did though), "I'm never gonna be like you two…"

"Who knows…" Niou said. "You might end up like Akaya… hehe…"

"I hate you two so much," he said, taking his homework and running up to his room.

"We know… we love you too," His sister called.

* * *

THAT WAS SO POINTLESS… BUT IT TOOK ME TWO DAYS, WTF? 


	4. Naruto

**Number Four: I will not Mix Naruto With Rikkai**

Ever wonder what happens when you add PoT with Naruto? HERE'S WHAT YOU GET.

Yes people… this is still TeniPuri…

* * *

"Haru… I hate you…" A Pink headed boy—er… girl said dangerously.

"It's not Haru, it's NARU…to. NARUTO," a spiky haired boy corrected, hitting the pink haired kid with a brush.

"I feel short…" a raven hair boy said. "VERY short."

"Yeah!! You're too tall!" The pink head complained. "Why don't you and… 'Sasuke' switch roles?!"

"It's not SASUKE, you're supposed to say 'Sasuke-kun' and fanboy over him!!" The spiky haired boy corrected yet again.

"I don't really care," The pink head said. "By the way… _why_ am I Sakura again?"

"Because you're a girl!!" 'Sasuke' cried.

"You're not supposed to cry out loud! You're supposed to be anti-social!!" The spiky haired boy said.

"Again, why don't you switch roles," The red head twitched, "_Naruto_."

"Because… Sasuke has the dark hair, SAKURA-CHAN," _Naruto_ said.

"Dye it black," _Sakura _stated.

"Sakura-chan! You're so cruel to me!" _Naruto_ cried unhappily.

"You're a really good actor Niou-senpai…er… I mean… dobe," _Sasuke_ commented.

_Naruto_ smirked, "Of course! I'm not just some ordinary prankster!"

"…"

"Sakura-chan, this is the time where you fangirl over Sasuke and make me pissed," _Naruto_ explained.

_Sakura_ twitched, and twitched some more… Oh, and some more twitching. "Go… _Sasuke-kun_…. Go beat that retard…NO SERIOUSLY, GO BEAT HIM UP."

"…"

"See? Akaya's getting the hang of it!" _Naruto_ said.

"No… he's just too busy staring…" _Sakura_ said, poking_ Sasuke_ in the head.

"What are you staring at, brat—er… I mean, _Sasuke_?"

_Sasuke's_ eyes were almost like a fish outta water, "Marui-senpai grew boobs…" He mumbled in an astonished voice.

_Sakura _twitched. "THAT'S IT!! I QUIT!!" He—er… She screamed.

"But SAKURA-CHANNN, you can't quit!!" _Naruto_ whined, tugging at his—er… her arm.

"Don't touch me, retard!! I'm leaving!!" _Sakura_ cried.

"Sakura-chan!!"

"He has boobs…" _Sasuke_ kept muttering. "And I thought he was a guy…"

The pink head twitched and smacked _Sasuke_ on the head. "DIE BRAT!!" He screamed.

_Naruto_ gasped, "You're not supposed to kill your crush!! You're supposed to beat me up!! Great!! Now it's like Sasuke as Naruto and Naruto as Sasuke!!! You ruined the plot!! Nice going, _Sakura-chan_!!" He ranted.

"Niou… I'll give you three seconds before I make you shut up…"

_Naruto _sighed, "You just don't like to the petenshi way…" He said.

"Owie…" _Sasuke_ cried in pain. "You're cruel…"

Suddenly, someone not from Naruto (the anime) stepped in. It was non other than SANADA GENICHIROU from Tennis No Ohjisama!!

"…" Sanada pulled down his cap, turned around, and walked out the door.

"…That was awfully random…" _Sasuke_ commented.

_Sakura_ and _Naruto_ nodded in reply.

Then, a few minutes later, Jackal, Yagyuu, Yanagi, Yukimura, and SANADA came back in.

"…--now what did you see that was so surprising, Genichirou?" Yukimura asked softly.

"Hn… look at the three," Sanada replied, pointing to the three idiots—er… Team Seven.

Yukimura gasped a bit and smiled, "Oh my… what a big surprise…"

"HI YUKIMURA-BUCHOU!!!" _Sasuke_ exclaimed, waving his arms around.

"Sasuke!! You're messing up the plot!" _Naruto_ yelled.

"You have a better chance at making Sanada be Sasuke…" _Sakura_ mumbled. "And can I get outta these clothes?" He asked, pointing to the red uniform Sakura usually wore. "I'd like to go back to my own life, thank you…"

Yagyuu coughed, "This is a surprise, Niou-kun… Marui-kun, Kirihara-kun."

_Sakura_ twitched, "I didn't want to do this!! Niou pulled me in and started to—"

"Rape you?" Kirihara cut in.

Yukimura smiled, "I was thinking Niou pulled Marui in and started to change his clothes…but… whatever you say, Akaya."

Marui twitched, "NOOO!! HE MADE ME CHANGE OR HE'LL NEVER GET JACKAL TO BUY ME ICE CREAM!!!" He whined.

"…That's the lamest excuse I've _ever_ heard…" Jackal said.

"Never mind that, Niou…where'd you get all these clothes?" Yanagi asked, gesturing to the unusual shinobi outfits the three were wearing.

"Uhh… Internet?" Niou randomly said.

"Hmm…I see…" Yanagi murmured.

"Niou, Marui… Akaya, why are you even wearing these?" Sanada questioned. "You're disrupting practice."

"Let's see… it's because I wanted to try out the clothes," Niou said.

"Where'd you get the Naruto wig?" Jackal asked.

"It's not a wig… that's my hair…" Niou replied.

"…"

"It looks fake now that I think about it…" Marui murmured.

Kirihara nodded. "I get to be Sasuke!! I bet my bloodshot eyes can match his sharingan!!!" He announced proudly.

Yukimura smiled and pat his head, "That's nice, Akaya…"

"Why is Marui as Sakura again…?" Jackal questioned.

"Because he's a girl, has pink hair, and has boobs," Niou replied as if it were the most normal thing to say.

"NO I DON'T!! I HAVE RED HAIR!!!" Marui shouted, whacking Niou in the head. "I'M A GUY AS WELL!! YOU SEE ME IN THE LOCKER ROOMS!!"

"Ahh, that's because you use genjutsu!" Kirihara proclaimed, pointing a finger at Marui. "You make us _think_ you're a guy but my awesome sharingan can see it all!"

"Stupid Akaya!"

"That's _Uchiha Sasuke_ to you!!"

"STUPID UCHIHA SASUKE THEN."

"Sakura-chan!! You're not supposed to yell that at your love!!" Niou cried.

The rest of Rikkai (excluding the smiling Yukimura) stood there, watching team seven (a.k.a. the idiots) as the three made Sakura/Marui even more confused than before. Poor Sakura/Marui.

"…" Soon, Sanada had it. "TARUNDORU!!! YOU THREE!! RUN UP A TREE WITHOUT HANDS NOW!!!"

"…Sanada-san watches Naruto…" Kirihara said, a bit creeped out.

Niou and Marui nodded.

"…No I don't…" Sanada said, walking out of the locker rooms.

"OH YEAH? WHO KILLED THE UCHIHA CLAN?" Kirihara cried.

"Uchiha Itachi…" Sanada murmured.

"AHA! YOU DO WATCH NARUTO!!!" Kirihara accused.

Yukimura smiled his "worship me BITCH, NOW" smile and said, "My… Genichirou… you do watch Naruto…"

"No…I don't…" Sanada lied. "I really don't…"

"SANADA-SAN WATCHES NARUTO!!!" Kirihara cried, running around Sanada like a three year old.

"I should have known…" Yanagi muttered. "Iie data… No… I'm starting to sound like Sadaharu… bad…"

Niou smirked and jotted down "Sanada likes Naruto" in his little "trick pad." (Yes… every trickster's gotta have their own trick pad!) "Good blackmail…"

"I DON'T, NOW WALK ON WATER WITHOUT SWIMMING—er… TARUNDORU!!!"

"YOU WATCH NARUTO!! HAHAHAHA!!!"

"I BET YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER IS GAI!!!" Kirihara exclaimed.

"TARUNDORU!!" _smack!_

"Sorry Fukubuchou…" Kirihara lied.

"GOOD."

"You still watch Naruto…" the raven muttered under his breath.

"TARUNDORUUU!!!"

* * *

Crappy ending. XD 


	5. Paint

Hi people… This took too long, didn't it?! You're all gonna pelt me with brick, ne?!?!

Yes… I really did this before…

Ps: Thank My Dad is Mr. Clean for part of this:D (she's definitely the best senpai!)

**Number Five: I will Not Mess Up Fuji Syuusuke's Face on Paint**

* * *

It was a nice and peaceful day… The sun was shinning ever so brightly in the sky. At Rikkaidai, everything was in its usual order. Yukimura was beating the hell outta some random third year, Sanada was smacking a random second year, Marui was "impressing" some fangirls, Niou was petenshi-ing around, Yagyuu was off somewhere being a gentleman, Yanagi helping Jackal with some moves they might need, and Jackal… was being taught? 

Everything was normal. Yes… Rikkai can be considered normal at this moment.

But where was our favorite,_ uke_, second year, childish, devilish, elf like, so not gonna be seme anytime soon, Rikkaidai ace? Well… here he is running towards the regulars in speeds that can even beat Kamio.

"MURA-BUCHOU!!! MURA-BUCHOU!! YANAGI-SAN!! YANAGI-SAN!!!" He screamed, running towards the two in breakneck pace. "YANAGI-SAN!! MURA-BUCHOU!!!"

Yanagi looked up from his 'teaching lesson' and calculated, "There is a 30 percent chance that Kirihara read porn off of the internet… 65 percent chance he did something he shouldn't have… and there is a 5 percent chance he was jumped when he got here alone by himself…"

"MURA-BUCHOU!!! YANAGI-SAN!!!" Kirihara was running extremely quickly and was almost seen in the distance now. Yes… his voice can travel that far when he tries. BELIEVE IN THE MAGIC!!!

"Why can't he call out his favorite (and smexxy) senpai's name as well?" Niou asked, dramatically. Marui twitched and kicked him in the shin.

"Because…" Marui said, chewing on his gum loudly, "he doesn't like you… and you're not smexxy… and you're also not his favorite."

Niou looked offended and sobbed dramatically, "Why Akaya?! WHY CAN'T I BE IN YOUR LITTLE CALLING LIST?!"

"You're scaring me…" Marui commented, scooting at least a foot away from the crazed Masaharu.

Sanada grunted and was secretly sad that Akaya wouldn't call his name. OHH WHY AKAYA?!?! AFTER ALL THOSE SMACKS!

Yukimura smiled serenely at Kirihara, "What would you like, Akaya?"

Kirihara was grinning so hard, much like the Cheshire cat, "Guess what I did?" He announced cheerfully, jumping up and down over excitedly.

"Uhh… you got raped?" Niou suggested. "No wait… I should say, you raped someone? Wait… that doesn't make sense either…"

Kirihara stared blankly at his sempai. "R—" He got cut off by Yukimura who covered his mouth and shoved a biscuit into Niou's mouth at the same time. (HOW'D HE DO IT? WE DON'T KNOW! HE'S _YUKIMURA SEIICHI!!!_)

"Now, now Akaya… don't pay attention to whatever _nonsense_ Niou's jabbering on about, tell us what you did," Yukimura said with that "Niou, if you rape our kouhai's innocent mind, I swear you'll no longer be able to live another day and/or have kids ever again" smile. How pleasant, huh? (Yes, Yukimura's smiles are _always_ pleasant.)

Niou just swallowed the biscuit and looked sullen. "Yagyuu will bear my children for me...and they'll be smexxy like their father..."

Yukimura just ignored him. "Now Kirihara...what did you do?"

Kirihara childishly held up a piece of paper. It looked like a jumble of colors splashed onto computer paper and then forced out of a printer.

"It looks like the printer had diarrhea..." Marui commented.

"Marui!" Yukimura gave Marui a look. "Now Kirihara what is it?"

"Just guess!" Kirihara announced. Upon closer inspection, it appeared to be...Fuji Syuusuke of Seigaku?! Why was his face so distorted? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY COLORS?! WHY CAN'T KIRIHARA DRAW?! WHY WAS THE PICTURE SO BAD?! WHY AM I ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS?!

"Is that..." Marui trailed off.

"Fuji Syuusuke?" Niou said.

"Kirihara...why did you do this?" Yukimura asked.

"Because he beat me..." Kirihara said childishly. "He at least deserves this much pain..."

"...This is pain?" Niou asked blankly.

"Niou." Yukimura warned.

"Does somebody want a biscuit in their mouth?" Marui taunted.

Niou popped Marui's bubblegum causing it to get all over Marui's face...and hair.

"AGHHHHH!!! MY HAIR!! MY FACE!!" Marui screamed.

"Serves you right." Niou smirked.

"NIOU MASAHARU!! YOU FIEND!!! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU FOR THIS!!" Marui bellowed chasing after him with a tennis racket.

Niou just laughed and ran around the court easily dodging Marui's jabs with the racket.

"So anyways..." Yukimura said turning back to Kirihara. "It's not nice to do this Kirihara..."

"B-But! Mura-buchou...I'm sure you do this too when you lose..." Kirihara whined.

Yukimura gave Kirihara _the look_. "I never lost Kirihara...nor will I ever..."

"…uh… what would you do if someone beat you in…I dunno… checkers?"

"…." Yukimura was REAAAL thoughtful for that moment. "To be precise… I guess I would torture them until they scream in agony… or maybe I should just see them in pain… or maybe…" He trailed off saying many detailed, horrifying, and gory sinister plots.

When he finished, Kirihara (plus a few others) were staring at their beloved serene (and usually peaceful) buchou like he was crazy. Maybe he was… we would NEVER know.

"B-buchou… would you really do that if you lost in _checkers_?" Kirihara asked, wide-eyed and somewhat impressed that his captain would be so sinister and think of those _horrifyingly awesome_ plans. Perhaps he would use one of those plans someday… you know, just _incase_. (WOW! WHEN DID KIRIHARA LEARN ALL THOSE LONG WORDS?! WE DON'T KNOW!! WHY ARE THERE SO MANY QUESTIONS?!)

Yukimura smiled cheerfully, "Why Akaya… I wouldn't know… I never lost in anything before," he said.

Kirihara gasped, his buchou _surely_ was a terrifying man…woman…buchou!! Inside, his inner self's eyes sparkled with delight, wanting to be just like YUKIMURA SEICHII when he grows up. Why can't he? It's because he's KIRIHARA AKAYA!!!

"Anyways, Akaya…" Yukimura said, sighing. "I don't think it's polite to ruin people's faces on paint just because you want them to die, be tortured, and so on."

Kirihara pouted, "But… but I don't like him, Mura-buchou!! He's mean and he likes seeing me lose!!!" He proclaimed.

Yukimura smiled, "If you stop putting pictures of people's faces you lost to, I'll make you Genichirou treat you to ice cream every week, ok?" (Note: He said, GENICHIROU.)

Sanada twitched, "But Yukimura…I have many things to do after school and practice…" He said.

Rikkai's buchou gave Sanada a long and stern look, a look that says, "Genichirou…if you don't…(insert evil sound effects here)…" Sanada sighed and agreed because making Yukimura mad is the last thing you want to do!

"But… Sanada-fukubuchou is old!! I DON'T WANNA BE HANGING AROUND WITH OLD PEOPLE!! I'LL GET OLD!!!" Kirihara complained rather childishly. "WAHHH!!! MURA-BUCHOU!!!"

"Now, now, Akaya…You won't catch his 'oldness,'" Yanagi comforted his little kouhai.

"YANAGI-SAN!!!" Kirihara cried. "BUT… SANADA-SAN IS OLD!!! I DON'T LIKE OLD PEOPLE!! I DON'T LIKE SANADA-SAN EITHER! I DOUBLE HATE HIM!!!"

"Genichirou, make sure you wear a bag over your head…" Yanagi said. "It'll make Akaya feel better."

Sanada twitched. NO, HE WILL_ NOT_ WEAR A BAG OVER HIS HEAD.

"Now Genichirou...what was that thing you signed last year about...what was it? Oh! That pact about...being nice to your _kouhai_?"

"I don't remember such a thing..." Sanada said stiffly.

"Actually...it's right here Genichirou..." Renji said pulling out a piece of a paper from his back pocket. How'd he do that? IDK! YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE HE'S THE DATA MASTA!

"OKAY OKAY!! I SIGNED IT!" Sanada barked. "I'LL TREAT KIRIHARA TO ICE CREAM!"

"NO!!!!" Kirihara whined. "I DON'T WANT FUKUBUCHOU TO TREAT ME!!! NO!!!!" and he proceeded to kick and whine. What a combo...

Sanada looked at Kirihara and Yukimura. "Yukimura...is it too late to take up that seppuku offer you offered me two years ago?"

Yukimura ignored our dear fukubuchou "Akaya..." Yukimura said softly. "Jackal and I are busy this week...so Genichirou has to do it this week..."

"B-But!! Why not Niou-sempai or Yanagi-sempai or Yagyuu-sempai?"

"What you don't mention me?" Marui muttered.

"I DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH A GIRL!!!" Kirihara wailed. "I MIGHT GET COOTIES!!"

Marui twitched at the remark. "I'M NOT A GIRL DAMMIT!!! WHAT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A GIRL!?!?!"

"Hmmm...I don't know..."Niou said. "Maybe the fact that you look like a girl...you have pink hair...and you have monthlies?"

Marui turned as pink as his (her) hair. "I DO NOT!!!" he (she) lunged himself at Niou.

"Yes, yes, I know I'm made of awesome and smexxy…" Niou stated. "But that doesn't mean that you have to lunge yourself at me and my smexxiness…" He pushed the boy (girl) off him quite rudely earning a scolding from Yagyuu. He faked a sad pout, "But… But Yagyuu… _she_ tried to rape me…"

Yagyuu sighed and pushed his glasses up, making it glint and blind some random first year.

"ARGGGG!! MY EYESSSS!!" The first year screamed tripping over his friend's tennis bag. "AHHH!!!" And thus he fell down the horrid stairs… poor, poor boy. We don't even know his name…

"Wow… that was cool!!" Kirihara exclaimed. Who knew he enjoyed such odd comical accidents? "Yagyuu-sempai!! Teach me the way of the glasses!!!" (Insert corny Chinese martial arts music here.)

Awkward silence… Yagyuu pushed (gently) Kirihara away. "Now, now Kirihara-kun… go bother Sanada-kun…" He said.

Kirihara whined. "But… I wanna learn!!"

Yukimura smiled, "Come on, Akaya…be a man…" He said softly. "Anyways, isn't practice over? Ok… Genichirou, your shift."

Sanada "hn'd" and walked off to get his bag.

"WAHH!! I DON'T WANNA STAY WITH AN OLD MAN!!!" Kirihara kicked and whined.

"Nice brat…you just broke the record for being the most retarded on the team…" Niou said.

Kirihara mocked his sentence and trotted off angrily after Sanada. "Might as well ditch him on my way home…" He muttered, crossing his arms.

WAYHOMEWAYHOMEWAYHOME

Kirihara was still angry and kicking poor random pebbles that came his way. One managed to hit a pole and bounce back, almost hitting Sanada (Kirihara calls this his new personal best). Sanada walked faster now and grumbled about how Kirihara was an evil little brat and how Yukimura can love such a kid.

Suddenly, Sanada's phone started to ring. (Oh my gosh! He has a phone?!) He picked it up, obviously, and took his time answering. "Hello…?" He asked. Who dared called him at THIS hour?!

"GENICHIROU, YOU BETTER COME HOME RIGHT NOW!!!" A certain person yelled in his ear through the phone. Too bad Sanada never learned how to turn the volume down so he suffered.

He rubbed his poor ear, "Yes…I will after I—"

"NO AFTERS!! JUST COME HOME!!!" Dial tone.

"…Tarundoru…" Sanada muttered. "Akaya… I am going home…"

Kirihara was too busy hating Sanada to realize he left. The boy walked his whole way (almost home) and then he realized:

"…Where'd Sanada-fukubuchou go…?" He asked himself, looking around. He shrugged and was about to enter his house when…

"Why isn't there anything random today…?" Kirihara muttered to himself and walked up to his computer.

_I Shall Avenge Myself. –Fuji_

"HOLY CRAPHEADS, FUJI SYUUSUKE GOT ON MY COMPUTER?! WHAT IS HE?! MY STALKER?!" Kirihara screamed running off to a random closet and locking himself in. "I'LL PROTECT MYSELF IN HERE!!!"

And so, Kirihara locked himself in his closet for a whole week. His parents wondered where he went, and when they found him, Kirihara just asked them to give him his lunch in the closet.

SEIGAKUSEIGAKUSEIGAKUSEIGAKU

"Fuji…didn't you say you were going to avenge someone?" Kikumaru asked, bouncing around randomly.

Fuji smiled, "I never said anything like that…" Of course, he was smiling a sadistic smile. "I only gave him a message…he'll take care of the rest himself."

"Nyaaa….Fujiko's scary…" Kikumaru murmured.

"Why would you think that?" Fuji smiled "pleasantly."

"Nyaaa…"

* * *

WOOTS! I FINALLY DID A HALF CRAPPED ENDING!!! 

I'M EXPECTING VERY LITTLE REVIEWS FOR THIS LONG ONE. XDDD


	6. Married?

YAYS!!

**Number 6: I will NOT Insist that Marui and Niou are happily Married**

This is about the randomest Rikkaidai pairing I can think of… but I like HaruMaru. LOLS.

OMFH, I THANK ANUNE-SEMPAI/MOMMY FOR SOME IDEAS!! WOOTS!

* * *

It was a few weeks after the 'Fuji Incident' as Yukimura calls it. And Kirihara was happily back on the tennis team. But now he's claustrophobic. So, you win some you lose some.

Marui gasped for breath after their run as he plopped down on the bench. Stupid Sanada for making them run on a hot day, he thought. We should be home, eating cake…

Niou sat down next to him. "What's up?" He asked, tossing Marui a bottle of water.

"Did you spike this…?" Marui asked.

"Nope. For once, nope. It's completely clean."

Marui drank about half the bottle then asked, "Don't you think Sanada makes us run too much?"

"You're just weak," Niou replied.

"CRUEL."

"I am."

The two sat there for a while. There was an awkward silence between them (if you don't count Sanada yelling, "TARUNDORU!" in the distance) and they just sat there. A minute passed. Marui was getting sick of the silence and was going to pull his hair out soon if someone didn't start talking. Niou yawned randomly.

"TALK DAMMIT!" Marui screamed out shaking Niou violently. "I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF SOON WITH ALL THIS SILENCE!!!"

Niou raised a brow and detached himself from Marui's scrawny arms. "You're scaring me…" He told the red head. "Seriously."

Marui sighed in relief. "At least you're talking…" He sat back down and looked up at the sky. "It's _never_ going to rain…" he grumbled to himself.

"Tell me again, _why_ do you want it to rain…?" The petenshi asked. "Is this some kinda… Marui thing? 'Cause of it is… I don't want to hear about it."

Marui scowled at him and blew a big bubble. Niou poked it and it popped all over Marui's face. "…Niou Masaharu…" He said dangerously.

"Puri!" Niou cried before getting up and running off.

"NIOU MASAHARUUUU!!!" Marui bellowed dashing at full speed after Niou.

After a few moments of running around ONE tennis court and jumping over random baskets, bags, and benches. Marui stopped running and gasped for air. Niou smirked and yelled out, "Tired already? Aww…That's too bad, Marui!"

"Aw, shut it, Niou!" Marui snapped angrily at the petenshi.

After a few moments Marui was going to run a full dash towards Niou, and he did. It's just that Niou was too busy staring at Yagyuu play his match against some random tennis member so Marui _tackled_ Niou down on the ground and managed to pin the boy down. Disturbing for the others, no?

"I WIN! I WIN!!" Marui declared joyfully. "OH YEAH!! THE TENSAI ALWAYS WINS!!!"

Niou grunted and pushed Marui off. "Yeah, yeah you win…" He grumbled. "And you managed to embarrass BOTH of us at one time."

"What? Why?" Marui asked cluelessly (wow talk about TENSAI).

"Oh no reason…" Niou trailed off.

"Oh, ok! I thought for a second there I did something I shouldn't have!" Marui said, relieved.

"You did," Niou stated plainly. "You just managed to tackle and pin me down…in front of everyone…and it looked WRONG."

Marui stared blankly at Niou (guess Kirihara's not the ONLY dense one around here). One second…two seconds…three seconds…four—

"TARUNDORU!!" Sanada bellowed. "Why are you not practicing?!" He demanded sternly.

Niou opened his mouth to speak, but Yukimura had cut him off. The buchou put a hand on Sanada's shoulder, "Genichirou…it appears that we have a couple of lovebirds in the team…we should wish them luck," He said with a pleasant smile. (Yes, Yukimura's smiles are ALWAYS pleasant!)

"Love…" Niou trailed off.

"BIRDS?" Marui finished.

"See? They can even finish each other's sentences…" Yukimura said. "We should leave them alone, Gen."

"…" Sanada just stood there. A few minutes later, he followed after Yukimura. "B-but Yukimura! We're still in practice!!"

"Ah, Gen…we'll just leave them alone for today, ok?"

"But Yukimura…" Sanada said.

"No buts, Gen," Yukimura cut in. "Or I'll make Niou tie you the pole."

Sanada gulped and said no more. He followed after Yukimura and soon he went to some first years and started to scream commands at them.

Marui gapped and turned to Niou. "D-d-d-did he just call us lovebirds or was I having hearing problems? (Please tell me I was having hearing problems…)"

"No…you're not having hearing problems…" Niou said. A few moments later he exclaimed, "EW… Hell no! I'm not marrying you! I'm marrying Yagyuu!"

"I'm not marrying you either!!" Marui cried. "You're gross…"

"I'm not gross! I'm smexxy!" Niou proclaimed.

"Yeah, yeah… sooner or later, you're gonna be Atobe!" The red head crossed his arms and pouted childishly.

"Look, I don't like you THAT much…" Niou said.

"Niou-sempai…" Kirihara asked, tugging on Niou's shirt. "Niou-sempai…"

"Shut it brat, can't you see I'm busy talking right now? Go…do whatever it is you do!" Niou snapped, poking the second year's head. "Now shoo! Scram!"

"B-But Niou-sempai!!!" Kirihara cried. "Are you getting married?"

"Married?"

Kirihara nodded.

"If you mean to Yagyuu, then yes," The rat tailed boy replied.

Kirihara looked at Niou, "But wouldn't you be cheating on Marui-sempai?"

Niou twitched and turned around. "No…we're not married."

"But Mura-buchou just announced that you two got married!!"

Marui choked on his gum, Niou coughed loudly.

The red head revived from his 'gum accident,' he started to shake Kirihara violently. "W-WHAT?!?!" He yelled loud enough that the whole tennis team could hear him.

After Marui let go, Kirihara was walking around strangely like he was drunk. "M-mura-buchou…jussst tolldd meeeee you two areeee marrieeeeddd….." He said in a slurred voice, and with that said, the second year fell down on his butt. "Mommy… I seeee the birdies…"

Niou snickered, "You just took out Rikkai's ace by shaking him. Nice one, Marui…"

"Thank you, but THIS ISN'T THE TIME TO COMPLIMENT ME!" Marui yelled. "ITS TIME TO SAVE OUR SANITIES!!!"

"You had _sanity_ in the first place?" Niou asked, raising a brow at the red head. "I always thought you were crazy…"

"I should ask the same to you!!" Marui said, twitching. "What kinda guy goes around saying, 'puri!' or 'piyo!' all day long?"

Niou smirked and replied, "A smexxy guy like me."

"When is the marriage?" Kirihara asked randomly.

"There will _be_ no marriage, brat."

"B-but…Mura-buchou told me there would be!!!" Kirihara whined and kicked. "I WANT TO SEE A MARRIAGE!!!"

"Don't make me tie you up to a pole," Niou threatened.

Kirihara kicked Niou in the shin. "I WANT TO SEE A MARRIAGE!!!" He screamed in Niou's face. "NOW!"

"YOU CAN'T ORDER ME TO MARRY SOME GIRLY FREAK LIKE MARUI!!" Niou answered.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING GIRLY?!!?" Marui bellowed. "I'M MANLY!!"

"YOU'RE GONNA BE A WIFE!! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE MANLY!!" Kirihara exclaimed, pointing very closely to Marui's nose.

Marui swatted Kirihara's hand away. "Shut up, BRAT."

Kirihara pouted, kicked and whined, "WHY IS EVERYONE CALLING ME A BRAT?!?" What a combo.

"'Cause you ARE a brat," Niou replied. "That's why everyone is calling you a brat. DUH."

"Are you pregnant…? Kirihara randomly asked, staring at Niou. "Because you're acting like how nee-chan described when my mom was pregnant!!"

"…" Niou stared at Kirihara. "…Are you crazy?"

"NOO! I mean it! You're all moody!!!" After a few seconds of thinking, Kirihara corrected himself. "No! That's Marui-sempai!! Sorry!"

Marui twitched. "I AM NOT PREGNANT!!!"

Yukimura walked by and gasped, "You're pregnant? Congrats Niou…I didn't know you two were _that_ happily married." He chuckled his evil buchou laugh (you can just SENSE the evilness!).

"SHUT UP! I'M JUST MOODY BECAUSE I MISSED BREAKFAST!!" Marui bellowed, stomping off angrily towards the clubhouse.

"My…he does seem pregnant…"

"BOYS CAN'T GET PREGNANT!!!" Niou explained. "IF THEY CAN, YAGYUU WOULD HAVE BEEN PREGNANT A LONG TIME AGO!!!"

Yagyuu coughed and said dangerously, "Niou-kun…"

"Fine," Niou said, "_Akaya_ would have gotten pregnant a long time ago…"

Kirihara looked blankly at Niou. "Why's that, sempai?" He asked curiously like a five year old. (wow, Rikkai's ace has the mind of a FIVE year old. FEAR RIKKAI.)

"Oh…you know, stuff," Niou replied smirking at the second year.

"Huh?"

"You'll learn when you grow up."

"I'M NOT A GIRL!!" Marui's scream was heard across Rikkaidai's giant tennis court/fields.

"So…when's the marriage?" Kirihara asked earning a wack on the head by his _awesome _sempai-tachi.

"There _is_ no marriage!!" Niou answered, stomping off in another direction to his (beloved) Yagyuu.

"Whaaa? And after all this time! I wanted to see marriage!!" Kirihara complained, crossing his arms and pouting.

"Go marry a cow," Niou called out after going FAR, FAR away from the Rikkai ace.

"I DON'T WANT TO MARRY A COW!!!" Kirihara screamed at Niou.

Silence.

Kirihara waited a GOOD long one minute and he complained, "WHY ISN'T THERE ANYONE TO ANSWER ME??" He kicked and pouted like the immature boy he is.

"Hello? Anybody?" Kirihara called out.

He looked at his digital watch Santa gave him for Christmas. "AWWW!! NO ONE TOLD ME PRACTICE ENDED!!!" He whined. "WHY?!?!?!"

He muttered angrily and stomped off.

* * *

WOOTS!! I FINALLY DID IT! 


	7. MaruMaru!

LOLS.

**Number 7: I will Not Call Marui Bunta by the words FAT, ROUND, or CHUBBY**

OMFH, Marui Bunta…his name cracks me up. XD

Is it just me, or do I always write Marui-Crack a lot?

* * *

"I'm leaving!!" Marui announced as he opened his front door. 

"Be careful, onii-chan!!" One of Marui's little brothers warned. "You could get fat today!!" With that said, the boy ran off laughing.

Marui twitched, "STOP SAYING THAT EVERY MORNING!!!"

"HAHA!!"

Marui stomped off to practice. Curse today to be a practice day! He could be at home, watching TV with a bag of potato chips or something!! Maybe even cake!

"I'm gonna be late…" He said to himself as he ran faster to the tennis courts.

* * *

"Sup Marui, you're late," Niou said plainly and yawned.

"Yeah, yeah, I know…" Marui muttered in reply.

"Marui-sempai…" Kirihara said.

"What?"

"You're fat."

"…"

"OOH, YOU JUST PROBABLY BURSTED ONE OF MARUI'S ARTERIES," Niou said, laughing his butt off.

"But…he is…" Kirihara murmured. "And round!!"

"I'll give you three seconds before I kill you," Marui said in a nice manner.

"Yeah right!! You can't kill me!! I'm KIRIHARA AKAYA!!!" Kirihara proclaimed. "BUWAHAHHAHAHA!!"

"SHUT UP!!!" Marui screamed at Kirihara.

Kirihara sniffled and ran away screaming about Marui to Yukimura and Yanagi.

"Haha, you made the brat cry!" Niou teased.

"SHUT UP! I'M NOT CRYING!!!" Kirihara wailed at the other side of the tennis court. "YANAGI-SAN!!!"

Marui twitched, "I'm just pleasantly plump…" He muttered angrily to himself.

"Yeah, yeah, plump," Niou snickered, strolling off.

* * *

It was after school, Marui was about to stomp off before Yukimura came in with his pleasant smile and said, "Bunta…would you like to come with us to have a snack?" He pointed to the rest of the team. 

"Snack…?" Marui asked eagerly. "YES! I WILL COME!!"

Kirihara, who was hiding safely behind Yanagi, muttered, "Round…"

"I HEARD THAT!" Marui called out, making Niou snicker and Kirihara hide behind Yanagi even more.

"Yanagi-san, save me!" Kirihara cried behind the data master's back.

"I will, Akaya…" Yanagi replied. "Because I am the data master and I am better than Sadaharu…"

Sanada grumbled, "What does that have to do with protecting Akaya?"

"It has a _lot_ to do with protecting my dearest kouhai…" Yanagi answered, opening his eyes just a crack.

Sanada muttered something under his breath and adjusted his hat (he had his mother sew it back after the punishment, see chapter 2 for more info).

Niou yawned and said lazily, "Are you sure Yukimura? If you let Marui come with us, you'll lose a lot of money for a year…trust Jackal."

Jackal, who hasn't made a sound for these past few chapters, spoke up and asked, "W-what? Why me?"

The petenshi gave Jackal a pat on the back and answered, "Because, Jackal, you always pay for Marui and the brat…You should know how big of an appetite Marui has…"

Marui twitched and pull on Niou's rat-tail, "Did you say something about me?" He asked dangerously.

"I said you were tiny, scrawny, and chubby…" Niou answered plainly, crossing his arms.

"I hate you…" Marui whispered as he walked away to follow after Yukimura.

Niou smirked, "I hate you too!" He responded. "I'm glad we both have the same interests! Puri!"

* * *

The group arrived at some random ice cream parlor. Niou complained, but once Yagyuu said something about the ice cream, Niou decided to stay. Kirihara whined about only getting two flavors, he wanted seven. Marui screamed because they took out his favorite flavor. Sanada grunted and said, "Tarundoru…" because the man took too long to get Yukimura his ICE CREAM (and no one wants to suffer the wrath of Yukimura). Yanagi took a random flavor and decided to take data on it. Jackal…was just there, like Yagyuu. 

Kirihara kicked and whined for the last time, "I WANT COFFEE!! WHY CAN'T I HAVE COFFEE FLAVOR, YANAGI-SAN?!? WHY?!?!" He demanded while he cried.

"Because Akaya," Yukimura explained softly. "You'll get hyper and that's not good for you, also, you'll stay shorter than Bunta! You don't wanna stay shorter than Bunta, now do you?"

Kirihara gasped, "NO!!! I DON'T WANAN STAY SHORTER THAN MARUI-SEMPAI!!" He exclaimed.

"Now, don't eat too much or you'll end up like Marui," Niou teased, smirking his petenshi smirk.

Marui finished his third bowl of ice cream, "What's with everyone and calling me chubby!?" He questioned.

Yagyuu pushed his glasses up blinding the ice cream man. (The ice cream man accidentally scooped up the wrong flavor and got fired later because he got blinded!) "Marui-kun…remember? Your name is MARUI BUNTA."

"So? Yeah, I know what my name is…"

"Marui-kun…" Yagyuu said, trying to make it sound nice. (He was trying his best to break it to Marui _softly_.) "I don't know how to say this…but…"

"WHAT? YOU GOT NIOU PREGNANT?!" Marui exclaimed. "COOL!!"

"Who got who pregnant?" Kirihara asked excitedly. "Did Santa get a new son?!"

"How did this turn into a Santa conversation…?" Marui questioned randomly.

Niou shrugged. "Get on with your explanation, Yagyuu!"

Yagyuu nodded and explained as nicely as possible, "Your name…means ball of fat…Marui Bunta…round, plump…"

Marui dropped his spoon. "Damn…" He muttered. "I never thought that far about my name…"

"So…"

"What?"

"Aren't you going to run away and scream or something?" Yagyuu asked. "Did I hurt your feelings?"

Marui blinked. One second…

Two seconds…

Three seconds…

"GAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Marui screamed and ran out the door like a crazy/mad person with some sort of disorder (no offense)…or maybe Tarzan, you know, jungle guy…

Niou yawned, "Puri…that was so…boring." He said as if nothing ever happened. Like, Marui running out the door and screaming like a crazed lunatic. I guess Rikkaidai got used to this kinda crud/crack. Or Niou's just too crazy to realize that it WAS a crazy thing to do. We would never know!! Because Niou's mysterious!

"My…Bunta just ran out like a crazed lunatic," Yukimura commented, sitting down as if nothing was wrong. Maybe Yukimura is cracked too…or Rikkaidai is just one big cracky family!! Woots!

"Don't mind him, Yukimura, he's having his monthly again," Niou replied, sticking a spoon into his ice cream.

"That's _my_ ice cream," Kirihara said dangerously, glaring at his sempai.

"Too bad, Yukimura said you can't eat coffee flavored…" Niou said, taking a bite out of KIRIHARA'S ice cream.

"You already have Yagyuu-sempai's ice cream…" The second year replied, pouting. "Stop being such a Marui…"

"What's that? A new insult? Marui?" Niou smirked. "Ok, I'll call people Marui from now on…"

Yukimura just chuckled.

Marui locked himself in a closet for a week…just like Kirihara. Um, poor boy/girl/thing/regular…Too bad his parents didn't _think_ when they named him BUNTA. His poor, poor parents.

"Nii-chan…" Marui's brother asked, poking the door. "Are you ok?"

"GO AWAY!!"

"He lost it!" The said brother exclaimed to his other brother.

The other nodded and replied, "Yup…" Then he added, "Hey wanna eat sugar while Kaa-chan is still away?"

"YEAH!!"

"LET'S GO!!"

And so, the Marui brothers forgot about their older brother…they didn't even bother telling their parents when they came home. Poor Marui Bunta…

Marui even decided to change his name…but he couldn't think of any, so he didn't. Poor him…at least there's Akutagawa Jiroh for Hyoutei! He still got that fanboy!!

And Marui lived in that closet for one whole week, only feeding on his own snack that he hid under his piles of clothes. The only time he got out was for dinner and bathroom needs. He even slept in his messy closet. All thanks to his name. Wow, isn't that sad?

"Bunta!! What are you doing here?" His mother asked.

"THE LIGHT!! IT BLINDS MEEEE!!" Marui screamed, slamming the door shut.

"Honey!!" Marui's mom called. "I think Bunta needs therapy again!!"

"AGAIN?!" His father bellowed from downstairs. "WHY?"

"I think he's having another one of his 'episodes'!! My poor, poor son!!"

"Just give him some food and it'll pass!!"

"Are you sure?" His mother asked, worried.

"YEAH!! GIVE HIM WHATEVER HE WANTS TO EAT!!"

Marui's mom opened the door a crack, "Are you ok, Bunta?"

"YEAH!! I AM!! NOW GO AWAY!!"

Thus, Marui lived in that closet for a week…and then he went to therapy…not really, his dad didn't want to pay for it so he didn't. He just went back to school, and people called him "Bob" from then on.

Just kidding, Marui returned to school normally…well, that is, if he had any sanity left in him!!

Poor Bob—er…Marui.

* * *

:O No offense to anyone with disorders and such…and no offense to whatever else crack I put in here. THANKS. 

XD I added some random crap at the end to make the story longer!! XD I'm such a cheater...nfufufufufu...


	8. Snow Bunny!

I'm back!!

**Number 8: I will Not Demand that Niou is a Snow Bunny.**

I'm thinking of doing 25 chapters by myself, and then ask for ideas. How's that?

* * *

"Hiya, guys…" Marui greeted, yawning as he entered the clubhouse. "Why'd you call us so early today?"

Yanagi shuffled some random papers and said, "You were late by 0.003 milliseconds."

"…" Marui sweatdropped and turned to Yukimura. "Why'd you call us here if we don't have practice?"

"You do have practice," Sanada replied.

"…Oh."

Niou yawned, "Yeah, we've been here for…ten minutes. TEN MINUTES OF MY YOUTH."

Kirihara walked in the front door, "I'm late, aren't I?" He asked.

Niou nodded, "Yup, by…how much was it Yanagi?"

Yanagi took his time, "By…1 minute and 34 seconds…02 milliseconds."

"Is that late?" Kirihara asked.

"Yes."

"You wasted 11 minutes, 34 (Yanagi interjected, "43.")…43 seconds, and 02 milliseconds (Yanagi interjected again, "09 milliseconds."), fine! 09 milliseconds of my life and youth!"

"Niou-sempai…" Kirihara said in a somewhat evilly voice. "I got something for ya'!"

Niou shifted from his seat. "What is it? Some kinda offering for your smexxy sempai?" He asked, smirking.

"NO!" Kirihara exclaimed happily, throwing out his bag. "I got something for ya!!"

"Hmmm…?" Niou looked the bag.

The second year pulled out some bunny ears from his bag and stuck them on the third year's head. "HAHA!! BUNNY-SEMPAI!!!" He said, accomplished.

Niou twitched and poked the "ears" and looked at Kirihara. "THANKS A LOT BRAT, YOU JUST RUINED MY SMEXXY-NESS!!"

Kirihara laughed evilly, "No I didn't…I just ruined your looks."

"That's what I just said."

"Oh…"

Yanagi coughed, "You're wasting 4 minutes, 56 seconds, and 11 milliseconds of our meeting…"

"How_ do_ you do that?" Marui muttered under his breathe.

Yanagi turned to Marui and answered, "I have a digital clock…" He pointed to his wrist. "Why else?"

"…You cheater," Marui grumbled.

"No, I'm not cheater…I'm being fair," Yanagi stated. "I'm as fair as you are a girl."

"I'M A MAN!! DO YOU'RE A CHEATER!!"

"No, I say you're a female, and that's _final_," Yanagi said, opening his eyes and glaring at Marui.

"Y-yes…whatever you say! I'm a girl!!" Marui shrieked, scooting away from the data master.

"That's what I _thought_ you said…"

"Yes, yes…"

"Good."

"I'M NOT SOME KINDA GIRLY SNOW BUNNY, BRAT!! THAT'S MARUI!!!" Niou shouted, pointing to our favorite red head.

"WHY IS EVERYONE PICKING ON ME?!?!?!?!?!" Marui shouted. "WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU ALL?!?!?!"

Yukimura coughed daintily and something like, 'Losing to Golden Pair' was heard.

"...Thank you Mura-buchou...we love you too..." Marui muttered.

"Yeah...SO put these on MARUI!!" Niou shouted ripping off the bunny ears and forcing them onto Marui's (fat) head.

"WTF IS THIS?!?!?!" Marui shouted. "IS IT THAT FUNNY TO SEE ME SUFFER IN THESE?!"

"NO!!! NIOU-SEMPAI!! THOSE ONLY WORK ON YOUR HEAD!!!" Kirihara wailed ripping the ears (and some strands of hair) off of Marui's (fat) head.

"AGHH!! MY HAIR!!"

"WTF NO!! I WILL NOT WEAR THIS!!" Niou screamed.

"6 minutes, 45 seconds, and 54 milliseconds are wasted..." Renji muttered.

Sanada attempted to breathe in and out deeply and not get angry, but...this is Sanada...so stuff like that never works...

"...TARUNDORU!!!!!!" Sanada bellowed chucking his tennis bag and shoes at the yelling trio.

Thankfully, Sanada's aim improved as it somehow hit all of them and not hurting any innocent bystanders or objects, but sadly, it hit Niou, Kirihara, and Marui.

"...Fukubuchou..." Niou said holding up his bag with a lot of difficulty. "What do you have in here?! It weighs more that Marui!"

"HEY!"

Sanada grunted and snatched his bag for fear of it being destroyed by Niou. Even a speck of dust could make this dear fukubuchou go mental...

"OH!" Kirihara exclaimed. "NIOU-SEMPAI!! I ALSO HAVE THIS FOR YOU!" Kirihara then dug into his bag and pulled out a bunny outfit. "Nee-chan said that it looks fitting!"

"...Are...you...MENTAL?!?!?!" Niou shouted. "I AM A MAN!! I DO NOT WEAR THESE!!! GIVE THESE TO MARUI!! IT'S MORE FITTING ON A WOMAN!!"

"I'M A MAN!!" Marui screamed.

"YOU JUST SCREAMED, YOU'RE A WOMAN!!" Niou shouted back.

"10 minutes, 20 seconds, 40 milliseconds…" Yanagi said.

"I'M A MAN!!!" Marui screamed as loud as he can.

Sanada twitched some more. "TARUNDORU!!! YOU'RE WASTING TIME!!!" He bellowed, throwing a chair at the three.

"WAHHH! SAVE ME, YANAGI-SAN!" Kirihara cried, hiding behind the all might YANAGI RENJI.

"My…" Yukimura murmured softly, enjoying all this violence. Perhaps his reason for calling them all here was for this only reason.

"GAHHH! THE CHAIR!!" The bunny—er…Niou shouted dodging it with his (bunny) skills. "HAHA!"

Marui did the matrix in slow motion, only to hear a crack on his (fat) back. "GAHHHH! MY BACK!!"

Kirihara gasped, "MARUI-SEMPAI IS AN OLD LADY!!! SHE THREW OUT HER BACK!!!"

"I'M AN OLD MAN…WAIT, I'M A DASHING, YOUNG MAN!!!" Marui screamed at Kirihara who hid behind the data master.

"12 minutes, 46 seconds, 03 milliseconds…" Yanagi murmured.

"TARUNDORU!! GET OUT!! ALL OF YOU!!!"

Yukimura gave Sanada a pat on the back, "There, there…calm down Genichirou…We'll just watch them…"

"But Yukimura…"

The buchou smiled and interjected, "You wouldn't dare interject…right…?"

"N-No…" Sanada sat back down.

"Good…"

"GAHHHH!!! I'M NOT A BUNNY!" Niou yelled as Marui yanked on his hair. "NOT THE HAIRRRRR!!!"

"DIE NIOU MASAHARU!!!"

* * *

Pointless. XD 


	9. DEATH RAYS!

NEW CHAPTER!!! D-D-D-DAN!!! LOLS.

I was planning on writing Jackal's first, but I like Yagyuu's…

**Number 9: I will Not Use Yagyuu's Glasses as Death Rays**

* * *

"Yagyuu-sempai!!" Kirihara called for the millionth time that day. "Yagyuu-sempai!" 

Yagyuu sighed, "Yes, what is it, Kirihara-kun?"

"I want you to teach me the way of the glasses!!" Kirihara whined. "Please?" (Check chapter uhh…5 or something for more info!)

"Way of the glasses?" Niou asked, snickering. "What kinda lame, cheapo came up with that lame idea?"

"Yagyuu-sempai!!" Kirihara answered. "And you just called him a lame cheapo with lame ideas."

Yagyuu pushed up his glasses, making the evil death ray shine in some random kid's eyes. "No…I do _not_ know the way of the glasses…and if I did, you would need to wear glasses, Kirihara-kun. I'm sure your eyesight is perfectly well and you do not need glasses."

"W-well…maybe I'm wearing contacts!" Kirihara pointed out like the smarty Marui usually was.

Niou stared at Kirihara really intently. Things got real awkward and Kirihara wondered if he should ask what Niou's doing, or just punch him in the face. Finally, he decided to end this short and sweet, punch Niou in the face. See? Things are easier with violence.

"You're not wearing contacts," Niou said, poking the curly haired boy in the cheek. "You have perfect sight…"

"Nu-uh!! I play video games everyday!! I should at _least_ have bad sight!!" Kirihara argued.

"You're arguing about your sight…retard," Niou strolled off.

Kirihara growled and stomped off childishly, leaving Yagyuu to wonder _why the heck_ this all happened.

* * *

Practice time…a perfect time to rob off of Yagyuu Hiroshi!! Kirihara grinned as his plan unfolded. 

Wait…

What plan? Kirihara thought. He never had a plan!! What was unfolding?! WHY ARE THERE SO MANY QUESTIONS? WHO AM I?! WHY AM I HERE?!

Ok, back to the story since the author/Kirihara obviously lost it.

Anyways, Kirihara snuck quietly (not quite) into the clubroom. He made his way to change and sighed, "I'll figure out some way to get those death rays of doom™…." He murmured to himself. He quickly changed and ran outside for practice…

---After Practice---

Kirihara ran back into the clubroom, still no ideas had formed in his mind. He stopped at Niou and Yagyuu's locker (apparently, Niou hacked himself in and forced—er…asked Yagyuu to share one with him, he complained that being next to Marui made ants crawl into his locker). He grinned wickedly, there they are! Yagyuu's glasses!! (Insert cheesy "The Legend of Zelda" music here.)

He snatched them like a skilled thief (not really) and dashed his way back into his locker.

(Insert Legend of Zelda music here) "I got…Yagyuu's glasses!!" He whispered to himself as if the walls were thin enough that Yagyuu could hear. He pocked them after he changed and ran home like a good little kid.

* * *

"HELLO, YAGYUU-SEMPAI!!!" Kirihara greeted oh, so happily. 

Yagyuu spun around and faced Kirihara, and greeted him. Kirihara gawked.

"What is it, Kirihara-kun? Don't you know it is not polite to stare at others?"

"Yeah, and don't you know that opening your mouth that wide can make flies fly in? And where'd you get those glasses? Looks like Yagyuu's…" Niou said.

Yagyuu looked at them (no, he was NOT staring) and told Niou, "They look like your fake ones, Niou-kun…"

"They do!! Who knew the brat looked good in glasses!"

"They're not _glasses_!! That's dorky!! They're _death rays_!! DEATH RAYS!!" Kirihara explained like a five year old.

Niou covered his mouth to suppress a laugh, too bad it didn't work. He laughed…loudly. "D-DEATH RAYS. HAHAHA! DID YOU HEAR THAT?! DEATH RAYS!!" He laughed so un-Niou-like that the whole school stopped and stared...a lot.

Yanagi pulled Niou away. "Sorry…I was testing on him. My special new 'Yanagi Laughing Juice'…sorry, he probably wasn't laughing at you," He explained.

"Y-YEAH I WAS!!" Tears streamed down Niou's face as he laughed hysterically.

"I don't like it when people laugh at me!!" Kirihara wailed running to Yukimura.

"There, there, Akaya…" Yukimura said, comforting the second year.

"HAHAHAHA!!"

"Take him to a mental institution, will ya?" Marui yapped, chewing on his bubble gum loud enough for Yagyuu to twitch unintentionally.

"IT'S FUNNY!! HE (He pointed to Kirihara) CALLED YAGYUU'S GLASSES DEATH RAYS!! HAHAHAHA!!"

"Dude…chill, it's not that funny…" Marui said.

Yanagi sighed. "Don't worry, I'll just give him some Yanagi potion…" (Enter some stupid cheesy music here.)

"I'M TOTALLY FINEEEE!!" Niou went on, laughing like some crazy guy.

"Niou-kun…if you go to the hospital, I would love to ask now…what kinda flowers do you want?" Yagyuu asked.

"FLOWERS?" Niou exclaimed. "WHY FLOWERS?"

"Because they are the first thing I can think of…"

Kirihara ignore the two jabbering on and flashed his glasses around. The "Death Ray" hit Marui and Marui screamed and ran off some random direction.

"COOL!!" Kirihara cried, awed at his glasses.

* * *

"We have breaking news. Everyone in Rikkaidai apparently has locked themselves in closets, rooms, or any dark place. News say a young boy, about 14 years of age named Kirihara Akaya, curly black hair, green eyes, has been attacking kids with a sort of "death ray." Here is some random news reporter live, we have no idea what her name is," The news lady announced. 

"ALL THE KIDS APPARENTLY LEFT THE SCHOOL!!" The random news reporter screamed at the camera. "DO YOU HEAR ME?"

"YES WE HEAR YOU!!" The camera man shouted back.

"OK, SO LET'S TALK TO KIRIHARA AKAYA-KUN!!" The lady walked up the Kirihara, who seemed to be the only one practicing. "Hello, is this Kirihara Akaya-kun?"

"Yeah, that's me!!" Kirihara said, with his glasses on.

"I see, what have you done? What is this so called "death ray" everybody is talking about?"

"THIS!!" Kirihara shouted, pointing his glasses in the direction of the sun and the woman/camera crew.

The screen went blank…

* * *

And so…Yukimura, Sanada, and Yanagi stayed together and practiced elsewhere, Niou went to a hospital with daily flowers from Yagyuu, Marui locked himself in a closet (again), Jackal went on a trip, and Kirihara went to school everyday with his death rays/glasses!!! WOOTS! 

Kirihara later got bored, and threw the stupid glasses away…mostly because his sister sat on them and they got squished.

Poor glasses...


	10. Charlotte! NYA!

OMFH, THIS IS JUST TOO RANDOM, THE JACKAL ONE WILL COME SOMEDAY.

I REALLY CAN'T THINK. XD

**Number 10: I Will Not Take a Cat Home and Name Him Charlotte**

* * *

"Niou-sempai!!"

"Hn."

"Niou-sempai!"

"Hn."

"Niou Masaharu-sempai!"

"Hn."

"ANSWER ME!!" Kirihara whined, pulling roughly at Niou's already scattered rat-tail. "Why don't you answer me???"

Niou twitched and pushed the pesky over-hyper second year away from him. "Go _away_, brat," He almost _demanded_ at Kirihara. "NOW. Go bother Marui…"

"No!! I don't like girls!" The second year cried, pulling at Niou's rat-tail incessantly. "Talk to me!! Answer me!! Why don't you talk??" He whined loud enough for Niou to _almost_ pull a headdesk.

"Go bother Marui, brat…" The petenshi repeated, pushing Kirihara away once again. "Why do you like annoying me so much?"

"Because you're a good sempai," Kirihara answered. "Now talk to me!!!"

"Sure, sure…what do you want?"

Kirihara grinned with an accomplished look, and announced, "I found a cat!!"

Niou _tried_ to look excited. "Woots, now leave poor Niou-sempai alone," He said, now ignoring the second year complaining loudly next to his ear.

"Go screw yourself in a closet!!" The petenshi had screamed at Kirihara's face. Twitching, and obviously mad at the Rikkai Ace.

"NO!!! I DON'T WANNA SCREW A CLOSET!!!" Kirihara responded, wailing loudly. So loudly that even YUKIMURA came to see what's wrong.

The second year ran to Yanagi and cried, "Niou-sempai was bullying me!!!" as he pointed to the rat-tailed boy.

"There, there, Akaya…" The data master said, patting the poor boy on the head. "Niou will suffer from it later."

Niou twitched, "He bothered me the whole day just to tell me he found a cat!"

Yukimura smiled at Kirihara, ignoring everything the petenshi said. "My, Akaya…a cat?"

"Yup!!" Kirihara replied childishly. "I took him home yesterday!! Mommy said I could!"

"How did your sister react to this…?" The second year ace received another pat from the data master.

"She screamed and asked if she could live in a motel!" The second year grinned happily, but then continued in a plain voice. "But mom won't let her…"

"Is that a bad thing…?" Niou asked, yawning. Of course, Niou didn't care, his sister lived peacefully with him.

Kirihara pouted and cried, "YEAH!!"

"Anyways, what about the cat…?" Yukimura questioned, giving Kirihara a pat on the head. (Wow, Kirihara's sure getting a lot of pats today…)

"I named him Charlotte!" Kirihara announced gleefully. He smiled, "I thought it would be such a great name!!"

"Charlotte…?" Yanagi didn't want to know. Seriously, he didn't. For once he didn't want data on this, but he asked anyways because he wanted to quench his curiosity. Darn him.

Kirihara nodded happily. "Yup! Charlotte!! It's a really manly name, huh?"

Niou snickered and teased, "You have _such_ great naming sense…I should name my next fish 'Mr. Fishy' huh?" The petenshi poked Kirihara roughly on the forehead, causing the boy to scream and wail in agony.

"HE KILLED MY BRAINNNN!!!!" Kirihara screamed, covering his forehead 'wound.'

"You're a bunch of tards…" Marui muttered, chewing on his gum.

Niou yawned. "You were BORN a tard."

"Nu-uh…YOU ARE!"

"YOU ARE!"

"NO, YOU ARE!"

"YOU ARE!"

"NO, YOU ARE!"

"Shut up or you'll suffer…" Yukimura said as nicely as he could along with his "worship me BEOTCH" smile.

"OK," Marui answered a bit _too_ loudly.

"Whatever…" The petenshi grumbled.

Kirihara pouted, "Ok…I didn't die through my mortal injury…so I'll talk about my cat!! No wait!! I'll bring him to practice tomorrow!!" He exclaimed proudly as he ran home like a little retard that was…well, retarded. (No offense to REAL people who are retarded…not like as in stupid, but you know, born that way.)

The buchou of Rikkaidai sensed something bad was going to happen at school the very next day. "Oh my…wouldn't this be fun…" He murmured softly to himself.

Sanada wished he had his sword with him so he could probably slice himself in half or something… A sigh, "Tarundoru…" He muttered to himself.

"Puri…wouldn't this be…interesting…" The petenshi smirked with an evil glint in his eyes.

The red head twitched, "I feel ominous clouds coming in tomorrow…Oh god…" He whispered.

Of course, God wasn't gonna help Marui…because then he'll ruin the plot and the author would probably get sued for making a bad story and get killed. See? Simple as that. So…sorry Marui.

* * *

"Sempai! Buchou!! See?" Kirihara exclaimed, holding up a _pink_ cat a little too close to Yanagi and Yukimura's noses. Yes, we did say the kitty was _PINK_…like Marui's hair. Sorry Marui, we gotta use you as an example.

Marui pokes 'Charlotte's' stomach. "OMG, it's a cat!!" He cried like a retard.

"Yeah, NO DUH, Genius…" Niou muttered. "And why did you just say chat? WTF?"

"You're doing it too so, HAHA!"

"STOP CHATTING!!!" Kirihara screamed at the two regulars. "Wait…why did I just scream that? GRRR, DARN YOU AUTHOR!!!"

"Yeah! I blame society and the author for my non-manliness!!" Marui proclaimed.

"Really? I blame you for you girlyness…" Niou stated plainly.

"SO? WHO ASKED YOU!! DARN YOU AUTHORRRRRR!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!" And at that moment, Marui Bunta suddenly got jumped by a certain Akutagawa Jiroh… SO MYSTERIOUS!! GASP! WHO DID IT? WHY AM I TALKING IN CAPS? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY QUESTIONS? WHO AM I?!

"Wow…talk about bad luck…" Niou murmured to himself. "Thank you god/author for not hurting me because I'm smexxy…"

"You're welcome…?" Yukimura answered. "But…why are you thanking god…?"

"Because I'm a smexxy bastard…" The petenshi smirked.

"Meow!!"

"GAHHH!! IT BURNS!!!" The second year screamed as the pink kitten latched himself to Kirihara and was attacking the hell out of him.

"Whaaa!! Violence!" Yukimura cried happily to himself. "Renji!! Are you recording all of this?"

"Yes I am, Yukimura…Yes I am…" Yanagi answered as he recorded the whole incident.

Sanada sighed and desperately wanted someone to kill him at that moment. He approached a first year and said, "Kill me."

The first year timidly replied, "W-what?"

"Kill me."

"I-I CAN'T!! I'M TOO WEAK!!!"

"You practice karate and such…" Sanada said. "SO KILL ME."

"W-would aspirins do?" The boy stuttered, handing Sanada a bottle of them.

"Yes…you are excused from running today." Sanada threw the whole bottle in his mouth and started to munch on it. "Gotta get some water…"

And from that day on, that boy brought aspirins to Sanada everyday just to get out from running…Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Anyways…back to Kirihara…

"Akaya…are you ok?" Yanagi asked after he had removed the kitten from Kirihara's face.

"Yes…that's how Charlotte shows his love to me!" The second year replied, pushing Yanagi's hand away from his wounds.

Niou snickered and said, "Yeah…love _hurts_ doesn't it, Brat?" He poked Kirihara at one of his scratches, making the second year scream and smack Niou's hand away. "Puri!!"

"Meanie!!" Kirihara yelled, wailing for Yukimura to baby him like a spoiled Rikkai baby brat.

Yukimura smiled and helped Kirihara with his scratches. He faced Niou and said, "Niou…5000 laps for making Akaya cry. NOW."

"HAHA! YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED!!" Marui exclaimed. "Jiroh! Get off of me, ya creep!!"

"MARUI-KUN!" You could practically see hearts fly in the air.

"NO!! I HATE YOU!!"

"YOUR FAULT FOR LOOKING PRETTY!!"

"DAMN ME AND MY PRETTINESS!! …WAIT!! I MEAN, DAMN ME AND MY HANDSOMENESS!!"

"Charlotte!!!" Kirihara cried, squishing the cat in a hug. "I LOVE YOU THE MOST!!"

"…Charlotte is a girl's name…" Niou pointed out randomly. "I forgot to tell you that yesterday…"

Charlotte hissed at Kirihara and took a dump at his feet. Then he ran off to who-knows-where.

Kirihara wailed loudly when the cat ran off. But then he got pissed that the cat took a crap at his feet.

So, if some normal person came by…they would see the following:

A Petenshi who's running away from the scene. A buchou who's looking at a camera and smiling with a data master. A fukubuchou chewing through a bottle of aspirin. A gentleman and a Wall standing there, wondering if they're still sane. A red head being attacked by a certain Hyoutei boy, and finally a curly haired brat, crying his eyes out with cat poop on his feet.

Then the normal guy would just pretend he didn't see anything and walk away. Yes…as simple as that.

* * *

Oh god! TeniPuri ended!! It was soooo crappy!! Who agrees??

**(SPOILERS FOR THOSE WHO DIDN'T READ THE LAST CHAPTER)**

Yukimura just came outta the hospital and loses? What the hell's with that? HE GOT DEPRESSED BECAUSE HE COULDN'T PLAY TENNIS!! And the moment he could, he loses?? WTF? Yeah, that Echizen brat ALWAYS wins, because he's PRINCE of Tennis!! WTF! ALSO, ALSO…KAIDOH AS BUCHOU? ECHIZEN RETURNS TO AMERICA? WTFH?!

**(End of Spoilers)**

OK…if you read all that, you deserve a cookie. XDDD


	11. HIGH FIVE MAN!

:3 I'm not lazy! YAYS!

I will thank my friend for this chapter. XD

D: I miss you Gummi-nee!! COME BACK TO US!!

**Number 11: I will Not Attempt To Befriend Fukubuchou**

* * *

Jackal woke up one morning with a goal in mind. Where did it come from? When did it happen? He didn't know…but he knew one thing.

HE SHOULD BEFRIEND FUKUBUCHOU TODAY!! YAAAAYYYY!! YOU GO JACKIE!!

So Jackal ran out the door after dressing and making sure he didn't run outside barefoot.

--SCHOOLSCHOOLSCHOOLSCHOOLSCHOOL--

Jackal spotted our DEAR Fukubuchou walking to the front gate, so he ran up to Sanada and raised his hand for a hive five. "YO! SANADA! HIGH FIVE, MAN!!"

Sanada looked at Jackal, and then walked away silently as if nothing happened.

Then, Marui walked through the gates, saw Jackal, and gave him a high five. After that, the red head walked away chewing his gum.

"Maybe practice would work…" Jackal thought to himself.

--PRACTICEPRACTICEPRACTICEPRACTICEPRACTICE--

"YO SANADA!! HIGH FIVE, MY MAN!!" Jackal tried again, this time with a racket in his other hand since it was PRACTICE. And you don't use baseball bats to PRACTICE! WOOTS FOR TENNIS!

Sanada stared at Jackal. "Go to practice, Jackal…" He muttered, and then he ran after Yukimura.

"I shall befriend him!!" Jackal announced proudly to himself, but making him look like a retard in front of everyone, but maybe he was one already. WE'LL NEVER KNOW!!

"Jackal, lets practice!!" Marui said, pulling the Brazilian away.

"Wait!!" Jackal wailed. "I want to befriend fukubuchou!!"

Marui sniffled and gave Jackal a teary eyed look. "You hate me, don't you?" He cried. "WELL GUESS WHAT?"

"What? I don't have to buy you chocolate?" Jackal asked hopefully.

"NO! I HATE YOU!!" Marui shrieked like a girl and ran away wailing (like a girl).

Niou gasped dramatically, "YOU MADE MARUI GIRLY!" He accused, pointing at Jackal which made Yagyuu smack Niou's hand back down because it "wasn't polite, Niou-kun" or something along those lines (Niou never likes to heard Yagyuu scold someone…especially him).

The Wall of Rikkai gasped dramatically like Niou. "NOOOO!!" He screamed like Darth Vader, yes, he's on his knees as well.

"JACKAL, YOU'RE A JERK!!" Marui screamed (like a girl) loudly across the courts.

Jackal just stood there dumbly, having no idea what happened just now.

--TARUNDORUTARUNDORUTARUNDORUTARUNDORU--

"Tarundoru!!" Sanada bellowed loudly when Yukimura had announced that practice had ended.

"It will work this time or my name is Uncle Earl." Jackal muttered to himself as he walked towards Sanada. He put his arm up for a high five. "Nice practice!!" Jackal said overenthusiastically.

Sanada muttered, "I guess…"

Jackal looked stunned. "I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT'D WORK!" Jackal said dramatically hugging Sanada.

"GET OFFA ME." Sanada said quickly, shoving Jackal to the ground. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" Sanada yelled and nearly stomped on Jackal's…man parts.

"I thought…I thought I made you my friend…" Jackal said trying to sound as sad and innocent as possible.

Sanada glared at him. "I wouldn't. And I don't high five." He said hostilely.

"B-but you just…" Jackal said at a loss for words. His dreams of the day were crushed. And he dramatically broke down in tears. Whether it was for effect or attention, we'll never know.

--MARUIMARUIMARUIMARUIMARUIMARUI--

Muttering angrily to himself, Marui stomped into the locker rooms. "HOW DARE HE BE SUCH A JERK TO ME." He said overdramatically, doing his routine. He grabbed his stuff, and, just on cue, saw Jackal hug Sanada.

"GASP, HE'S BEEN CHEATING ON HIS DOUBLES PARTNER!!" Kirihara pointed out dramatically behind Marui like a narrator. "What shall Marui Bunta-sempai do?"

"Well…first…" Marui started.

Kirihara inched closer with his rolled up book (his microphone) and asked, "Yes, yes?"

"First…" Marui said. "I WOULD WACK YOU ON THE HEAD FOR NARRATING ABOUT MY LIFE!!" He snatched the book and tore it in half.

The second year gasped. "O-M-G. YOU TORE MY ENGLISH BOOK IN HALF!!" He shouted, saying "OMG" rather than "Oh my gosh/god." A few moments later, he yelled, "YAY!!"

"Oh…" The red head took out some tape from outta nowhere and stuck some on the book. "Here." He said, handing the book back to Kirihara. "And 'here' is spelled with ONE 'r'."

"…It's not 'HEARRRRRE'?" Kirihara asked, looking at Marui with an aura of cluelessness.

"No…it's spelled H-E-R-E. Not H-E-A-R-R-R-R-R-E, or however you spelled it." Marui popped a bubble and dramatically announced, (with cool background music included) "TIME FOR OPERATION, GET JACKIE BACK!!"

"YEAH!!" Kirihara cheered randomly.

Marui and Kirihara stomped outside, but then Yukimura stepped in front of them smiling his "Worship me, you stupid BIOTCH" smile. "Bunta…Akaya…" He greeted pleasantly with his "WMYSB" smile. (WMYSB is "Worship me, you stupid BIOTCH.")

Marui stared. "Y-yes buchou?" He was being overwhelmed by the smile (of DOOM).

Yukimura smiled more. "I wanted to ask you something…" He trailed off slowly.

"What is it…?" Marui asked. OH NOES, WHAT IF YUKIMURA WANTED TO BANN CHOCOLATE?! NOOOOOOOOO!! NOT THE (insert brand name of chocolate here)!!

"Would you guys like to come with me today? I am going to an aunt's house…we get free food if we listen to her jabbering on like an old person," Yukimura said, still smiling his "WMYSB" smile.

"Did you say _sweets_?" The red head repeated as if the word was foreign. "And _free_?"

"Did someone say _antidisestablishmentarianism_?" Kirihara added randomly.

The two stared at him as if he was a rooster who could lay eggs and fly over the moon.

Kirihara blinked. "What?"

"We never said that…" Marui said, shaking his head.

"You didn't?" The second year gasped dramatically as if it was the strangest thing in the world.

"No."

Yukimura smiled. "So you're coming?" He asked.

"YES!!" Marui and Kirihara chorused.

"Ok!"

So the three walked off gaily (depends on how you see it) and Marui forget everything about what he was gonna do.

Niou walked by Jackal and greeted him. "Sup _Uncle Earl_." He snickered.

Jackal bawled his heart out. Not literally or else Marui would have no doubles partner and Sanada or Niou would be arrested for murder. HOW COULD YOU FUKUBUCHOU?!

"Geez, you don't have to get so emotional…" The bunny—er…Niou muttered, running to his (beloved) Gentleman.

So Sanada and Yanagi went to do some boring adult stuff and locked the tennis courts (with Jackal still bawling in it because they didn't give a damn). So Jackal slept on the benches for the night like a hobo. A few weeks later, he went to therapy because he thought he was going crazy (and he was).

Marui had _totally_ forgotten about Jackie and practiced by himself.

In the end, no one gave a damn.

POOR JACKAL.

"Hey Marui-sempai, what are you gonna do about Jackal-sempai—er…Uncle Earl hugging Sanada-san?"

"Who's Earl?"


	12. Bath Time!

YAYS! I LIVE!!

**Number 12: I will Not Accept Any Invites From Tezuka to Go to Hot Springs**

* * *

"Let's sing our hearts out!!"

"NO, AKAYA! FOR THE FIFTH TIME!! NO SINGING OUR HEARTS OUT!!" Sanada bellowed.

"Yeah…" Niou muttered, very bored. "We need our hearts to live…Who would be stupid enough to sing them out?"

Kirihara sniffled. "Me…" He mumbled sadly.

Niou thwapped the second year on the head, amazing that he would do that while the bus was moving and that he was in the seat in front of Kirihara. "You're stupid then…"

"NIOU-SEMPAI'S BULLYING MEEEEE!!" Kirihara whined, clutching to his head wound. "Marui-sempai!!" He shook the boy next to him. "Save me from Niou-sempai!!"

"Marui-sempai?"

"Zzzzzz…." The red head snored loudly next to Kirihara (and occasionally drooled).

"Screw this!" Kirihara kicked Marui into the lane, where he got trampled/stepped/etc on by random passerbys.

"Now, now Akaya…" Yukimura scolded, smiling his "You better worship me BIOTCH, or you'll regret it" smile. "Don't be so mean to Bunta…"

"I wasn't mean! He didn't save me! What's the point of having a dead body guard?"

Sanada grunted. "We can get off the bus now, Yukimura…" He informed, walking away.

"Ah, I see…lets go, Renji…" Yukimura said, following after Sanada, and Yanagi after Yukimura.

Kirihara sighed and (trampled on Marui) followed along after Yukimura.

Niou stomped on Marui a few times and then walked after Kirihara. Yagyuu scolded him and helped Marui up (though he was still sleeping. WTF).

"Tezuka…it's odd that you would invite _us_ out of all people…" Yukimura greeted as the buchou of Seigaku walked by.

"That's because we addressed the invitations to Atobe…" Tezuka answered.

"…" Tezuka walked away.

Yukimura smiled his "BISH" smile and said as calmly as he could, "Genichirou…"

Sanada rushed over like a dog being called for his favorite meal (if that made sense). "Yes Yukimura?" He asked a bit _too_ happily.

"Is it true that this invitation was addressed to Atobe?" Yukimura asked, shoving the invite in Sanada's (big, fat) nose.

"Y-yes…" Sanada grumbled in a very low voice. "He did give it to me though…

Yukimura gave Sanada the "I know you're hiding something Genichirou, if-you-don't-spill-it-now-you're-probably-going-to-suffer-either-way-so-I-don't-give-a-damn" look. "We'll talk about this later…" He dismissed the poor fukubuchou.

Yanagi gave Sanada a pat on the shoulder. "There, there Genichirou…if something bad _ever_ happens to you, I'll make sure…" He trailed off, thinking for the right word.

Sanada could have just cried. Renji is sooo nice!! "R-Renji…you're…you're…so…"

Before Sanada could utter out whatever he was gonna say, Yanagi cut in and finished, "I'll make sure the team gets a good laugh at you." And smiled. Yes. SMILED.

Sanada sobbed mentally. Such a mean team!! Oh woe is to him!!

"Niou-sempai…Sanada-san's crying…should I give a damn or run away freaked out or…?" Kirihara asked curiously.

"Just ignore him." Niou replied, not paying attention at all.

"Ok!"

Lets skip ahead in time, because Sanada crying is something no one wants to see…

* * *

"YAY! BATH! BATH! BATH! BATHHHH!!" Marui and Kirihara chanted excitedly. They ran around in circles like idiots and sang some stupid some that goes something along the lines of, "We're going to the hot springs! We're going to the hot springs!"

Niou threw a brush at them. "SHUT UP!!" He shrieked like Marui when he has a monthly.

The brush hit the mirror (that was for some odd reason placed there) and bounced (for some reason) and hit Sanada square in the face.

"OOH!! YOU'RE IN TROUBLE!!" The red head and the second year chorused.

"Oh shit."

"TARUNDORU!!"

(This scene has been too violent for the younger people of age, so this has been taken out with some idiotic dance that Kirihara and Marui made up.)

(Insert stupid dance here.)

Ooh look!! Looks like the Niou murdering—er…Sanada dancing with Niou is over!! Lets go back to our regularly broadcasted show!!

"NIOUUUUUU!!"

Oh, never mind! Looks like Sanada is still dancing (murdering) Niou!! Lets skip this scene so Marui and Kirihara can have their destined bath!!

BATHBATHBATHBATHBATHRUBBERDUCKYBATHBATHBATHBATH

"Marui-sempai! Marui-sempai!!" Kirihara exclaimed excitedly. "Wanna see Mr. Bonkers?"

"Who's that? Your long lost brain?" Marui muttered sarcastically while tying his hair up in a small (very small) ponytail.

"No! That's my squeaky toy!!" Kirihara scowled as if it was the most OBVIOUS thing in the world. He picked up his toy…er…deformed squeaky thing and squirted water in Marui's hair….making Marui VERY unhappy.

"You….you…" Marui started to think for the right word.

"What? What? Awesome, smexxy, demon?" Kirihara smirked.

"YOU…RETARD!!" Marui screamed, pushing Kirihara into the water.

"…" Kirihara pouted and grumbled angrily.

Niou stumbled in full of scratches. "H-hey…" He greeted in a not-so-well voice.

"Did you get raped?" Marui gasped dramatically, poking one of Niou's cuts.

"OW! NO!" Niou shouted, shoving Marui away. "He (insert a lot of painful tortures Sanada might do here)!! BASTARD!!"

"Niou-kun!!" Yagyuu scolded. "Don't yell bad words when Kirihara-kun is here!"

"I can yell shit whenever I want!!" Was what Niou wanted to scream…but since this is _Yagyuu_…Niou smiled and said, "I'm sorry, Hiroshi…" in that innocent voice of his.

"That's better…"

Randomly, Kirihara pulled out his scrub toys and ran up to Niou. "Niou-sempai!!" He cried like a three year old. "Can I scrub your back?"

"NO!! ONLY HIROSHI CAN DO THAT!!" Niou yelled, running away.

"NOOOO!! BUT I WANNA SCRUB SOMEONE'S BACK!!" Kirihara whined, running after Niou with a bucket of bath toys. "I'LL WASH YOUR HAIR TOO!!"

"NO! NO! NO! NO!! NO ONE TOUCHES MY HAIR!!" Niou made a jump over Sanada who was bent down to pick up his hat. Sanada got brain scarred since the only thing Niou was wearing was a towel.

Kirihara crashed into Sanada. "Sanada-san…Can I scrub your back?" He asked hopefully with sparklies in his eyes.

Sanada was about to say no, when Yukimura said, "Of course you can, Akaya!" and smiled. Just SMILED. WOW.

The fukubuchou wanted to kill himself. WTF! WHY WORLD?! "F-F-fine…" He grumbled.

So, Kirihara went and scrubbed Sanada's back. We're not gonna describe this because we don't want to know what Sanada's old man back looked like. Seriously, who would want to know that?

* * *

Now, it was time to sleep. Kirihara decided to snuggle in between Yanagi-san/mom and Yukimura/Mura-buchou/god/mom number 2. "Nighty night…" He murmured before falling asleep.

Yukimura was smiling. "Ahh…Akaya is so cute." He commented, petting Kirihara on the head.

Yanagi put down his book. "Yup…poor Genichirou…he's sleeping next to Jackal…"

"Good night, _best friend!_" Jackal (A.K.A. Uncle Earl) said before covering his (bald) head completely with his bed sheets.

Sanada wanted to scream. LOUDLY.

"Ugh!! Hiroshi!! Can we PLEASE move Marui?" Niou grumbled, annoyed that the face Marui was sleeping in between him and Yagyuu.

Yagyuu put down his glasses, "How bad can Marui-kun be? Look, he looks like a little boy in his sleep."

Niou stared at Marui. He only saw a drooling, snoring (loudly), stinky red head that is murmuring about cake in his sleep. WHAT LITTLE BOY?! Does Yagyuu need new glasses?! He grumbled about Yagyuu and Marui and went to sleep. "GOOD NIGHT, HIROSHI."

"No need to raise your voice, Niou-kun, I'm just right here…" Yagyuu answered from behind the giant (fat) wall also known as Marui.

"Marui, move your fat butt outta here!!" Niou complained.

"Zzzzzz…" Was Marui's reply.

"Stupid red head…"

"Good night, Niou-kun…" A yawn.

Niou grumbled.

"Mmm….strawberry cheese cake…I want the big one!!"


	13. Technology

* * *

:D I got this idea when I was coming home from school. WTF.

**Number 13: I will Admit that Sanada Genichirou is Good with ANY Technology**

* * *

"Genichirou…?" Yukimura looked _very_ amused.

"Yes, Yukimura?" Sanada answered, wondering why Yukimura was looking so amused.

"May I ask you a question…or two?" The amused buchou asked, peering at the thick book sitting in front of the all mighty (not really) Fukubuchou.

Sanada grunted. "Yes, what is it?" He replied, opening the thick book, and immediately scowling when he saw the many texts that filled the page.

"May I ask you _why_ you're reading that?" Yukimura asked, gesturing to the giant book.

Sanada sighed. "Because mother signed me up for something…" He mumbled, sadly. (oh my! Fukubuchou is sad? We didn't know he had any other emotion! But he did! WOW!)

Yanagi just happened to walk by, and stopped at Yukimura and Sanada at the table. He peered strangely at Sanada and asked, "Genichirou…why are you reading a book of computer codes…?"

"Because…" Sanada sighed again. "Mother signed me up for a computer class…she said it will help me get "along" better with technology, as she puts it…"

Yanagi wanted to laugh. LOUDLY, but he didn't because he was a good friend and—who are we kidding? Because he's the DATA MASTA and he doesn't laugh uncontrollably when his friend say something funny. Would he?

Nah…he would laugh uncontrollably, and he did.

Sanada just stared. Yukimura was trying to keep from laughing as well…and failed.

"Y-you guys…" Sanada muttered. "So you've been thinking all this time I was a lame person…"

"No…No…" Yukimura answered, wiping a tear. "We just thought you had no sense of fashion…"

"..And no technology sense…" Yanagi finished, finally composed after laughing so hard.

The fukubuchou could have cried. LOUDLY. WHY DOES HIS TEAM TORMENT HIM SO?! WHY GOD?! WHY? He slammed shut his book and announced proudly, "You'll see! You'll all see!! I'll pass those computer classes with ease! With an A!! Nothing but an A!!" He ran off yelling like a lunatic. See? Sanada-fukubuchou is cracked as well. Eating so many aspirins CAN kill a guy…

Yukimura and Yanagi looked at each other, then thought of the possibilities that could happen when you put Sanada and computers together, and laughed. Of course, they're gonna black mail him.

* * *

"Wait, wait…you want us to do what?" Niou asked, staring at Yanagi and Yukimura as if they grown three heads. Maybe they did, and we never noticed. We'll never know.

Kirihara looked amazed. "Fukubuchou knows what a _computer_ is?" He asked, wide eyed.

Marui just thwapped Kirihara on the head and called him an idiot. "Everyone under 3000 should know what a computer is!" He said, popping his gum.

"Then Fukubuchou could be 3001…." Kirihara mumbled, clutching his head in pain.

"…True." Marui agreed, popping his bubble again.

"Anyways, we want you to blackmail Genichrou..." Yanagi said.

"We'll pay you..." Yukimura had that "sadistic" look again. Or maybe he ALWAYS looked like that. We'll never know...

* * *

"Alright class," Miss Akari (SHE'S BACK!!) announced. "Welcome to computer class. I'm so glad people came." Secretly, she rolled her eyes.

"Sensei, can we watch porn on the internet?" A random boy asked, loudly.

"NO. YOU MAY NOT!!" Miss Akari shrieked, causing people to flinch.

"Awwww…."

Miss Akari sighed. WHY DIDN'T SHE BECOME A BAKER?! WHY?! MOM WAS RIGHT!! "Ok, so…turn on your computers. I'm sure you all know how to do that." She wanted aspirins. NOW.

Sanada peered at the strange machine (computer), where was the 'on' button? He didn't know. So, he pushed a random button. A thing popped out.

"That's for disks…" Commented a girl next to Sanada.

"Disks?" Sanada asked as if it was some kind of new technology that was still unknown to men.

The girl rolled her eyes. "Yes, disks…"

"Disks…" Sanada repeated like a retard.

"SHUT UP!!" The girl screamed. "GEEZ!!" She got up and moved seats.

"…?" Sanada had no idea what he did. So, he continued pushing buttons (and occasionally random ones on the keyboard). "Caps Lock?" He pushed it, nothing happened. "…"

"Sanada-kun…you turn it on like this." Miss Akari pushed a button and the computer started to boot.

"…?!" Sanada had NO idea how she did her magic.

"Yes, you can have some free time, today, go on any site you want," Miss Akari announced happily.

"Free time?" Sanada muttered to himself. "Where would I go? I never use the computer…"

So that whole day, Sanada sat on his chair, thinking like an idiot on what to do. Miss Akari was amused/sighing the whole day when she saw Sanada just sit there like a dope.

* * *

"So Genichirou…" Yukimura started, still having an amused look plastered on his face. "How were your classes?"

"I quit after the first few minutes…" Sanada grumbled.

"Ahh, so we win?" Yanagi asked, amused as well.

"No…Akaya and Niou found me something I can take…those, disassembling classes…"

"Disassembling classes?" Yukimura questioned. "You're going to rip someone's arms off?" How fun!

"Er…no…" Fukubuchou replied. "I get to take apart technology…"

"Ahh…I see…" Yukimura looked somewhat disappointed. Of course, we would have NO idea why.

Yanagi muttered something under his breathe about "not having any blackmail on Genichirou" or something along those lines. WE'LL NEVER KNOW.

"So…Genichirou, you're taking disassembling classes…" Yukimura said, smiling. "I feel so happy for you." It's just a BUNCH of lie!! LIES, I SAY!! LIES!! Ok…I'll stop.

* * *

"Hello class!!" Miss Hikari (WTF! THE RETURN OF THE TWO SISTERS!) greeted quite cheerfully. "I'm Miss Hikari, I'm going to be your teacher!"

A boy raised his hand. "Sensei! Can we—"

"NO PORN!!" She screamed at the poor boy.

"I was going to say can I take apart a microwave…" He sniffled and then wailed loudly.

"Sorry…" She said, patting the boy on the head. "Yes you may take apart a microwave…"

So, classes started peacefully and Sanada peered at the thing HE was gonna disassemble. A scanner, great! Sanada had NO idea what a scanner did anyways. He just knew it made funny sounds when his brother put papers in the glass thingy. Nope, he had NO idea what it was.

So, Sanada picked up some random tools and began to take apart the poor scanner.

* * *

"Genichirou…how were your classes?" Yukimura asked again, still amused.

"I got very high marks, Yukimura…" Sanada replied, looking very proud of himself.

Yukimura could have laughed, but Yanagi cut in and asked, "High marks? You're good at disassembling technological tools?"

The capped boy/man/old guy nodded. "Yes, I am good at it…I disassembled a scanner on my first day. Who knew it had so many parts?"

Kirihara ran in. "FUKUBUCHOU! FUKUBUCHOU!!" He screamed, running in like a maniac. "FUKUBUCHOU!!"

"Yes, Akaya?"

"Do you like disassembling class?"

"Yes, yes I do…"

"Can you break apart Niou-sempai's head for me? I wanna see his BRAIN!!" Kirihara asked sweetly like an innocent child (well, in Yukimura's eyes).

"No, Akaya…I will not, we need a petenshi (and Yagyuu will kill me if I do)." Sanada replied.

"Awwwww…." Kirihara whined about Niou being a meanie butt face.

"There, there, Akaya…" Yukimura comforted.

Sanada grunted and went to class.

* * *

It was another BEAUTIFUL class day. Sanada was SO happy he could be in this class. THANK YOU AKAYA!

"Hello Fukubuchou!" Jackal/Uncle Earl greeted happily. "I'm so glad you're in this class with me!!"

Sanada turned to see…WOW! THE WALL OF RIKKAIDAI!! WHOAH!! "…" Too bad he didn't seem too enthusiastic.

"I heard you were in the same class as me! So I decided to sit next to you today!" Jackal was disassembling some random object Sanada could NOT identify, but then again, he didn't even know what a scanner was, so…we would never know what Jackal was disassembling.

Sanada wanted to scream and run out of class via the window now. Seriously.

"Fukubuchou? Are you ok?" Jackal asked. "Ooh, did you happen to see my…NEW MUSTACHE?!" He pointed to some random stubble on his upper lip that looked more like Jackal didn't finish eating some kinda seaweed than a mustache.

"…" Sanada stared. What on EARTH was Uncle Earl rambling on about?

"Fukubuchou? HELLOOOO? Earth to Sanada Genichirou here!! Buddy!!" Jackal waved a hand in front of our FAVORITE Fukubuchou.

Sanada has had it. "TARUNDORU!!" He bellowed loudly, jumping out a window.

"…" There was an awkward silence.

"Fukubuchou…?" Sanada was no where in sight.

Everyone stared at Jackal/Jackie/Uncle Earl.

"Hey, have you noticed my new…" He paused dramatically. "MUSTACHE?"

"…" Everyone exchanged "WTF" looks.

"What? It's BEAUTIFUL isn't it?" Jackal said proudly.

* * *

"So Genichirou…" Yukimura was about to the point of laughing insanely.

"Don't talk about it…" Sanada grumbled. "Please Yukimura."

Yukimura laughed. LOUDLY.

"You jumped out a window…" Yanagi said, jotting this down in his notebook that he somehow pulled out. "…" He laughed as loud as Yukimura.

In the background, you could see a smirking Niou, a (fat) Marui, and a curious Kirihara.

Niou snickered. "I told you Jackal can pull it off…"

"What did Jackie do?" Marui asked, he had NO idea what they were doing.

"Yeah…what'd he do?"

"Make Sanada jump out a window!" Niou announced as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and it was.

"…" Pop.

"Why did he jump out a window?" The second year curiously asked.

Niou sighed. The IDIOTS he's with. "Because Jackal scared him, idiot!"

"Do I get paid for this?" POP.

"Yukimura pays us! Not me!" Niou was getting annoyed. Where was Yagyuu when you need him?

* * *

Yagyuu was at Hyoutei. WTF! I guess he got tired of Rikkai/Niou (mostly Niou) so he went to transfer!!

"Hello Oshitari-kun…" Yagyuu greeted politely.

"Hello Yagyuu-kun, what brings you here?"

"Niou-kun."

"I see…"

The two had some kinda strange gentleman-y chat about life. STRANGE.

* * *

"Yukimura…Renji…please stop laughing at me…"

More laughter filled the air.

POOR SANADA.


	14. JACKAL FINALLY GREW HAIR!

**Number 14: I will Try Not to Say Jackal Grew Hair**

* * *

"HEY EVERYONE!!" Uncle Earl/Jackal shouted in the happiest voice Rikkai had ever heard from him. "GUESS WHAT?"

Kirihara was the first to guess. "OOH! YOU GOT A PET PONY AND NAMED HIM MASAHARU 'CUZ HE WAS SO UGLY!!" He earned a hard thwack on the head by our _favorite_ petenshi.

"Brat, I am _gorgeous_ and _flawless_!" Niou corrected. "Get that right."

"That's what Atobe says, but he's ugly," Kirihara retorted _oh­_-so smartly.

Niou thought for a moment. "I beat him in beauty then!" And he cackled Niou-ishly to himself so no one would think he had to go to a mental institution.

"Umm…please stay on topic here!!" Jackal interrupted.

Marui lick his lips. "You bought me a new cake??" He asked as sweet as the tensai of food (especially sweets) can. Which would probably be pretty sweet seeing that he likes sweets.

"No."

"WHY NOT?" Marui whined. "WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU??" He sobbed dramatically next to Yagyuu who was scooting away as quickly as possible.

"You made his experiment for science blow up and all you did was hide under a table when Jackal was cleaning the explosion up…" Yanagi pointed out quietly.

"Yeah, and from what _I_ heard, Jackal got BALDER than the class before when that chemical splashed his head," Niou continued in a bored tone.

Marui sniffled. "Y-You all think so badly of me…" he sobbed dramatically. "I HATE YOU ALL!!" And he ran out the clubroom like shojo style manga when the girl gets sad, but only, no shojo boy was SHOJO enough to run after our dear Marui. Whether it was for attention or just because he was sad, we'll never know.

Niou scoffed from his seat. "Girl."

Jackal smiled proudly to himself as if Marui's running away didn't affect him at all and that it never happened. "Actually Niou, that chemical from yesterday…MADE ME GREW MY HAIR!!"

Silence…almost. Kirihara decided to gasp dramatically to ruin the moment…or DID he?

Niou almost fell off his seat. "You…"

"…grew…" Kirihara continued, leaning on Niou's chair.

"…your…" Yanagi decided to have fun and say one word.

"…Hair?" Yagyuu looked alarmed, not noticing he just finished a sentence.

All the regulars (excluding Marui) looked at each other incredulously at Jackal.

Yukimura was the first to notice. "Oh my…" He pointed to Jackal's head. "There's a small, small stubble on his head, I believe…"

Yanagi calculated in his head. "There was a 0.00000000000020000001 percent chance that this would happen…Strange…I better note that down somewhere…"

Sanada stared. "All I see is his head…"

"That's _not_ shining and blinding us!!" Kirihara exclaimed. He ran over and rubbed Jackal on the head and gasped. "It's not smooth anymore!!" He whined.

Jackal was still smiling as if his face was plastered that way, but it wasn't, so we can all relax. His face didn't freeze! "I couldn't grow hair for a long, long, long, long time!! I FINALLY AM ABLE TO GROW HAIR!!"

"Oh I feel _so_ happy for you…" Niou said sarcastically, and coughed "weirdo" afterwards.

Yagyuu adjusted his glasses for the tenth time. "I feel so happy for you…" He said almost emotionlessly.

"I still don't see it," Sanada grumbled to himself.

Yanagi elbowed Sanada on the arm. "Shut up, and pretend there is Genichirou or Yukimura will have you kicked off the team or something…"

Sanada secretly gasped and saw Yukimura who was smiling somewhat sadistically. "Oh yes Jackal, I see it now…It's very…good." Our _favorite_ fukubuchou acted out rather horribly, but Jackal, being the happy weirdo he is, nodded in agreement. Perhaps Jackal is a gullible fool? We'll never know that either.

"Thank you everyone! I must thank Marui for making hair growth formula!!" Jackal sobbed happily and wiped the tears away. "I-I told myself not to cry on the day when I finally grow hair…B-but I can't help it…"

Kirihara scooted behind Niou. "He's scaring me, sempai." The ace said.

Niou nodded. "He scares everyone."

"U-Umm…I better be leaving everyone. I have to take care of my sister…" Yagyuu decided to pack his things as fast as he can and leave AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

"Yagyuu…School didn't even start yet…" Niou pointed out. "We just didn't go to class yet because we had morning practice…"

"…I feel warm…Perhaps I have a fever…" Yagyuu lied with ease. Hard to believe he's a gentleman. Niou's influence can be very bad…and very good at some places, including right now.

Yukimura smiled. "I shall take you to the nurse then." His smile was a bit TOO pleasant. Oh my…was that the "you better not leave you bitch or I'll kill you in your sleep" smile? No, no, Yagyuu must be imaging it.

The gentleman gulped. "Yes, yes…I think I was just imaging it…I am not warm at all."

"Yes…? That's too bad," Yukimura said, faking a sad sigh. "I thought you were."

Niou twitched. "Buchou, how is Yagyuu being sick a GOOD thing? That means I don't have a doubles partner."

"Play doubles with Akaya then."

"WTF, NO." Niou yelled.

"Niou-kun, don't curse, even if it IS in chat…" Yagyuu scolded.

Jackal was still sobbing for joy. "I HAVE HAIRRRRR!!"

"Yes, congratulations for that Jackal…but can we PLEASE start practice? We seem to slacking lately…and someone get Marui." Sanada said, adjusting his hat for reasons unknown. Perhaps

he's going bald.

Yagyuu volunteered. "Erm…I'll go get him," he said slipping away. Kirihara thought he saw the light change and saw Yagyuu shifting his eyes, but he'll never know if it was from the doughnut and bowl of sugar he had for breakfast, or if it was real.

"Hn, go then," Sanada said still adjusting his hat. Kirihara stared at Sanada. Being the curious second year ace he is, he asked about it. "Fukubuchou, did your head grow or are you losing your hair?"

_One…_

_Two…_

_Three…_

Sanada's hand impacted with Kirihara's face. Kirihara, in his own mind, flew against a wall and left a second year ace shaped imprint. In reality, he fell to the ground and stared. Just stared.

"Genichirou, you hurt him," Yukimura said, with a little bit of "hit him like that again and I'll hurt you so bad you'll have to eat through a straw" tone in his voice. Sanada, knowing Yukimura, twitched and helped Kirihara up.

"Sorry…" he grumbled.

"…Where's Yagyuu gone to?" Niou said, walking off to go "find our favorite gentleman". He rounded the corner, and started to sprint away. Oh god, how he needed to send them all to a therapist. Hell, it'd be cheaper just to ship them to India. Now where to buy all those stamps…

While Niou was pondering his stamp dilemma, Yagyuu was looking for Marui. "Where would I go if I was a self-proclaimed tensai addicted to sugar who was upset," he asked himself out loud. People began to whisper that he needed a counselor. Does that mean he needs a better one than he already has?

"WHY DO YOU HATE ME TOO," our favorite red-headed tensai screamed at a clerk. Why does the clerk hate him enough to RAISE HIS PRICES? To Marui, that's the end of the world. He gets a little money a week, and he can't buy trade stuff for "cool" rocks like he used to in the third grade.

"Kid…we just raised our prices…" The clerk said with his "buy or leave me the HELL alone" look…Not that Marui noticed, he was too busy sobbing over the prices.

"NO! YOU HATE ME!! WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME?!" Marui was going to ponder on that thought but decided not to so his remaining brain cells won't die as fast as the other ones. Oh wait, did he HAVE brain cells in the first place? We'll never know THAT either.

"Umm…I don't hate you?" The clerk said.

"SO YOU LOVE ME?"

"Umm…" The clerk pondered on that. He already had a wife…and this kid is only what? 16? What would he answer? Why the hell is he in this mess? WHY DID THE BOSS TELL HIM TO CHANGE THE PRICES?! WHY GOD?! WHY??

Marui's eyes were watery once more. "Y-You hate me too??" He held back a sniffle.

"Kid, just go away…or buy something…" Muttered the clerk.

"I KNEW IT! YOU HATE ME!!" Marui screamed, bawling on the counter. If cakes could have facial expressions, they'd be frowning because their glorious view was suddenly taken away from them and now they have to see a crying 16 year old sobbing on their glass case. Now aren't you glad cakes can't show facial expression?

People stared. Maybe this red head needed a doctor? Therapist? Counselor? Perhaps all three? Well, some just decided to leave or ignore him. There goes the shop's all mighty 5 stars…Probably gonna be a 2 stars after Marui finishes sobbing…

Just then, the door opened. In came a savior—er…Yagyuu. "Marui-kun! There you are!" He cried out rather loudly for a gentleman. Maybe he's just relieved? We'll never know. Why is Rikkai so mysterious?

"Yag-Yag…" Marui sniffled. "They raised the prices…HELP ME!! I'M OLDER THAN YOU!! MY BIRTHDAY WAS A FEW WEEKS AGO!! GIMME MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT!"

The gentleman twitched. He had forgotten to give Marui a birthday present, perhaps this is his "oh shit, I'm gonna get the hell out of here" moment? Because Yagyuu just ran out the door!

"N-NOOOO!! YAGYUUUUUU!! COME BACK!!" Our tensai yelled, watery eyed and chasing after our favorite (only) gentleman. "YOU OWE ME A PRESENT!!" Well, actually, the WHOLE Rikkai team owes him presents, but no one actually gave a damn. Perhaps Jiroh was the only one who remembered his birthday, but then again, Jiroh owns Marui's wristband in his bag…So OF COURSE he'll know Marui's birthday. _(Note: In truth, Jiroh's bag really DOES contain Marui's wristband, Konomi-san actually wrote that. Imagine that.)_

"S-sorry Marui-kun, but I have to do this…" Yagyuu ran around a corner and quickly hid behind one of the large garbage dumpsters. Unsanitary? Yes, but effective when trying to avoid a moody redhead.

Once Marui was out of sight, Yagyuu let out a sigh. "Perhaps I should really follow what Niou-kun tells me and skip classes for the day…I will tell my mother to phone school that I am sick…" But then, he remembered Yukimura's evil—er…pleasant smile and decided to stay. Isn't Yukimura nice?

The gentleman stumbled slowly to class, obviously not happy about this. Though he did not show it, he was pretty distressed/worried for Marui, but then he thought "oh damn, I shouldn't care about Marui-kun right now if Yukimura-kun's trying to kill me" but he put it in a more _gentle_ way. More like, "Oh no, I got to worry about Yukimura-kun because he will try to take me off this dear planet earth, so sorry Marui-kun, I cannot worry about you at this moment" because option one should be for what NIOU would have thought, and Yagyuu was most _definitely_ not Niou Masaharu. Or WAS he? We'll never know.

Meanwhile, Niou was off out of school trying to get himself a stamp. Stupid thing was…the post office was closed (due to some technical difficulties, but Niou thinks its because they hate him for almost setting their new air conditioner on fire) so he had to take a bus. Why take a bus? Well probably because he wanted to stay away from Rikkai and be sane for a while. Not really though, his mom told him his grandma was in Tokyo and had stamps (now why didn't he ask her for stamps?), so he took the bus to his granny's house (why not just take his mother's car?). Poor Niou, he had to sit next to a drooling weirdo whom he had never saw before.

"Damn, whose stupid idea was it to ship Rikkai to India?" The petenshi muttered angrily to himself as he tried to push the drooling man off his shoulder. Then he realized that it was him who decided to ship them to India. Hell, it _was_ cheaper, but whom was he going to send them to? The elephants?! MacDonald's? (Certainly they would want more workers?)

"Zzz…Zzz…" Snored the man next to the Rikkai regular. Niou decided to throw him out the window…and he did. Poor Niou, now he's murdering people to get STAMPS. The stamps should feel honored, but we should also be glad that stamps don't show facial expression or you'll see them flinch when you lick them. Ew, kissing a stamp, Niou certainly wouldn't want to do that…Maybe if he paid Kirihara enough the second year would…Niou pondered on that through the whole trip.

* * *

Certainly, crack was going on still at Rikkai, and we seemed to have shifted our story from Jackal to Marui! So, Jackal decided to go to his art class happily with his head full of hair, and the other regulars (excluding Marui and Niou) looked somewhat distressed/freaked out. Maybe not Yukimura because he seemed very amused the whole day. Sanada…? He looked like Sanada but you can tell he was distressed because he seemed angrier than usual. He made people run more laps.

"Fukubuchou, you're being an old man again!!" Kirihara whined, patting his cheek injury from that very morning.

"Genichirou was ALWAYS acting like an elder, Akaya…" Yanagi quietly drank his tea that he somehow grabbed from out of nowhere. Data master magic, perhaps?

"Tarundoru! I'm doing this for your own good, Akaya!" Sanada lectured, but we all know in reality, Sanada just liked making Kirihara suffer. Or maybe Sanada likes to hear that "slap" sound when his hand impacts Kirihara's face? Or maybe it's because Kirihara's face makes different sounds each time you slap it? Oh the merriment Sanada has. "Now eat your lunch."

"Slapping me because I commented about your head isn't good for me, Sanada-san…" Kirihara muttered as he poked his food. Maybe it wasn't food, it was burnt. Blame his sister for trying to be "motherly" which failed and in result he ended up eating his sister's burnt creations. Maybe he should have jumped in the fire that she set earlier that morning before school…

"Would you rather I slapped you twice?" Yes, Sanada was most definitely enjoying the pleasure of slapping Kirihara. Maybe next time he'll make a song out of the sounds Kirihara's cheeks make when he slaps them. Ah, the pleasure of slapping. If he could, he would have written a book about it years ago…

"Oh look, it's Marui…" Yanagi stated, gesturing to the redhead with tearstained eyes. "He seems depressed…"

"Marui-sempai's _always_ depressed," Kirihara corrected plainly.

"SHUT UP. WHY DO YOU HATE ME TOO?!" The tensai barked at Kirihara. Oh look, he started to cry again. "WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME?!"

"OH NO, MARUI-SEMPAI'S EMOTIONAL. HE'S REACHING HIS MONTHLY AGAIN!! CALL 911!!" Kirihara screamed, panicking over if _he_ should call 911 instead of asking someone to. So he ran to the nearest window and screamed for ambulance and of course, he yelled 911 out the window. It's such a good thing that those pesky/nosey neighbors went to a trip so they wouldn't call 911. And yes, Kirihara received yet another "Sanada Special ™" from, obviously, Sanada himself or it wouldn't be called "Sanada Special."

Marui sobbed and ran to the nearest bathroom to cry out all his worries, etc. Yes, he screamed like a girl along the way when people bumped into him.

"Hello everyone…" Yagyuu greeted, taking the seat Marui had just abandoned. Isn't he lucky? He came AFTER Marui stormed in. "How is everyone? Where is Marui-kun and Niou-kun?"

Kirihara shrugged. Yanagi told Yagyuu what happened to Marui, but still didn't know where Niou went. Sanada ate his lunch. Yukimura just smiled pleasantly like always.

"Hey, where's Jackal-sempai?" Kirihara asked, just realizing Jackal wasn't there. Of course, the Wall of Rikkaidai was ALWAYS forgotten, so it wasn't anything new to them.

"I believe he's going to come sit at our table in….3 seconds," Yanagi calculated quietly.

And believe it or not, Jackal sat down at their table in exactly 3 seconds! Wow! Good job Data Master! "HEY GUYS!!" Jackal still had the creepy smile plastered on his face. "WHERE'S MARUI? NIOU?"

"I believe Marui-kun went to the restroom…to umm…cry out his worries and depressions and whatnot." Yagyuu adjusted his glasses randomly and yet again, blinded a first year AND it was the same one as last time.

"GAHHH!! MY EYESSSS!!" Screamed the poor first year as he tripped over a girl's chair and rolled down comically down the stairs along with his bread that he just bought.

"Whoa…I give him a 10!!" Shouted random classmates.

"I'M OK!!" Yelled the first year from the floor below. "NOT A SINGLE BROKEN BONE!!"

"I still want to learn that…" Kirihara eyed enviously at Yagyuu's glasses (of doom). "Why don't you teach me, Yagyuu-sempai?" He pleaded with such sad puppy eyes that a NORMAL person would have given in a long time ago, but this is YAGYUU we're talking about. So his awesome glasses blocked the sweet look and told Yagyuu to say no, and that he did.

"Sorry Kirihara-kun, I can't teach you the secret because I don't know how…" Yagyuu apologized half-heartedly. We ALL know he's wondering where his best friend/partner in crime/petenshi is.

Yanagi sipped his tea yet again. "Oh…I think Niou was muttering something about sending something to India and went to get stamps…"

"Then he should have been back a long time ago…" Yagyuu trailed off. "Unless…Oh no…what if he got kidnapped?" This time, it was the gentleman's turn to panic and he was hyperventilating. Seriously. Who knew the disappearance of Niou could do so much to him?

"W-wait…You guys didn't even bother congratulating me about my hair!!" Jackal said sadly.

"We'll talk about it later, right now we're getting Yagyuu to the nurse or he'll probably stop breathing." Wow, Yukimura said it with a smile. A PLEASANT ONE, of course.

* * *

So, a week had passed and finally Yagyuu was released from the hospital and Niou came back home with an armload of stamps. And even MORE good news! Marui saw the prices turn back again so he bought all the cake he could afford, but then he found someone's credit card (which suspiciously had ATOBE'S name on it, but Marui didn't realize it) and bought even MORE cake.

What did he do with all the cake? Well he threw a party, silly! A cake party to celebrate how great cake was, because we know cake is great, and great is SUPPOSED to stay great, so if it wasn't great, we wouldn't bother celebrating the greatness of cake!! Now didn't that sound great? Great, huh?

Marui invited every regular, but where was Jackal? No one knew, no one BOTHERED to know. Why? Because Jackal was starting to scare them with his "hair." Which in reality, wasn't really that great, and you probably needed a scientific telescope to see it. How did Yukimura even see it? Maybe he lied? Oh no! What if this whole story is a lie? LIESSSS I SAY!! But it isn't because then we wouldn't be retelling it and we wouldn't be talking about the greatness of cake and how it's great!!

"WOOT! SUGAR RUSH!!" Kirihara screamed. In his little "Kirihara" brain (you know, the one with the little black mouse running in the wheel), he was running around in a super hyper mode with rainbow colored gas trailing him from behind and he was covering everything with rainbow. Even Niou's hair AND Sanada-san!! But in reality, all he was doing was crashing into random chairs and injuring himself, Yanagi decided to tie the sugar hyped boy to a chair and leave him there with no sharp object within 200 feet of him.

Just then, the door opened. Jackal walked in sadly and was sobbing. "G-guys…M-My hair…"

"Yes?" Yukimura looked amused, perhaps he had predicted this?

"IT DISAPPEARED THE LAST NIGHT!! IT WAS ON MY HEAD LAST NIGHT!! BUT IT DISAPPEARED THIS MORNING!!" Jackal wailed sadly. "MY PRECIOUS HAIR!!"

The child of god decided to "comfort" poor Jackal, so he walked over to the Wall and gave him a pat on the back. "Oh Jackal…you don't need hair to prove you're worth something on this lonely planet…all you need is tennis skills (or else I would kick you out the team)." He said in a comforting voice.

Jackal sniffled. "Thank you Yukimura, you always know what to say to make me feel better…"

"Yes, thank you to you too Jackal." Yukimura smiled pleasantly yet again. Does he seem to smile like that more and more often nowadays?

"IWANTSOMECAKEANDSUGAR!!" Kirihara screamed. In his little Kirihara brain, he was almost to the point of exploding into many Kirihara pieces, but in reality, he was just being crazy.

"Did you say cake?" Jackal asked hopefully. Had he not noticed all those cakes on the tables?

"Yes, cake…" Yanagi answered.

Jackal suddenly started to laugh randomly like a crazy person. "Oh you guys…"

Everyone exchanged "??" looks. What on EARTH was this crazy guy going on about?

"You guys planned this party for me because of my hair right? So now I don't have hair, you're celebrating it's going away party?? Oh you guys! You're so nice!!" He could have hugged everyone, and he did. (Maybe not Sanada, or Niou…or Kirihara…Those guys were liable to kill him if Jackal touched a molecule that was in their belonging.)

"You're welcome….?" Chorused the whole team, besides the hyper Kirihara.

"You're the BEST team a guy could ever ask for!!"

"Thank you?!"

"You don't have to act so surprised, I know it was a secret!"

"…" No one knew what to say, or rather, they ran out of words to say. They decided to just let Jackal think what he normally thought, makes life easier and makes the Earth rotate better.

* * *

That was a LOOONG chapter… Maybe it's my sincere apology to everyone for not updating for a month…Or you can just killed me in the review…You know you just want to stab a knife in my chest…


	15. Girly Screams are Manly

**Number 15:** **I will Not Try to Teach Akaya how Ride a Bike**

I'm like, so dead, right? You want to shoot me, right?

MOMMI, LOOK!! I'M UPDATING!! :D

* * *

It was a bright and sunny day. The sky was a dark azure blue, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. This day seemed too perfect to be possible, so we'll add some flaws to it. There was a giant wind blowing randomly, leaves started to fly around and hit random first years in the face. They were screaming in agony.

Let's go to our favorite school, Rikkai. Now, today in Rikkai was very special. It was a random day when school closed, so our favorite tennis players had no place to play. Good thing Yukimura decided to be smart that day (and every day) and found them an empty court to play. Bad thing was that there was too much distraction, and Yukimura found that it was well…very distracting!

So, what did Yukimura do? Instead of allowing Kirihara, our favorite second year, taunt his sempai-tachi and random girls that happened to walk by (and probably more of Niou's fangirls), Yukimura decided to make Kirihara learn something totally random and off-topic from tennis. What is it, you may ask? Why, it was to ride a bike! Sounds fun, huh?

"Yukimura-buchou…why do I have to learn how to ride a bike?" Kirihara complained loudly. "I don't want to ride a bike, I want to ride a silver dragon and like, blow up Seigaku for beating you in the Nationals. Then I want to name my dragon Silver and he and me will live happily ever after."

"Silver and _I_." Yanagi corrected, patting the curly haired boy on the head.

"Whatever." Kirihara grumbled. "I just don't want to ride a stupid bike!"

"But Akaya, it'll be good for your…umm…" Yukimura tried to think of a random excuse. "--collage records. Yes, that's it. Collage records."

Kirihara looked skeptical. "Collage records?"

"Yes, collage records. They look at it and umm…" Yukimura ran out of ideas again. Darn him.

Kirihara looked expectedly at his buchou.

"They'll give you one wish if you learn how to ride a bike." Yanagi lied. "Because they like people who can play tennis and ride bikes."

"Yes, what Renji said!" Yukimura nodded.

Kirihara was easily fooled. "Wow!! I want to ride a bike then!"

So, Kirihara went to learn how to ride a bike. Though, it wasn't as easy as it seemed. First of all, Yukimura went to a doctor's appointment and Renji was just a spectator. So no one could teach him! Poor Akaya! But luckily, Sanada was there! Yukimura asked (really ordered) Sanada to take care of Kirihara for him while he was away and to teach the second year how to ride a bike!

Though here came the first problem: Kirihara didn't own a bike. Awww, now where could he buy a bike? Maybe he should ask Sanada!!

Well, Sanada was deeply troubled by it, so he decided to buy Akaya a new one. So he went to the bike store. Here we have splendid bikes from like…this…bike to this other…um…shiny bike. Whatever, let's get on to the story.

So, Sanada walked/strolled over to the place where they held the annual sale bike sale. Good thing today was the sale day, lucky him! So, he went to the selection of bikes.

The first one was too small.

The second one was too ugly.

The third one was smelly.

The fourth one was used already.

The fifth one was too big.

The sixth one was too expensive, and so on. Geez, Sanada has high tastes, doesn't he? Well, when he finally got to his tenth one, he found it. It was _the_ bike for Kirihara. It was so cheap too. Not cheap enough for it to break, but not _too_ expensive!

* * *

Sanada grunted as he handed Kirihara the new bike. Kirihara gasped. "S-Sanada-san…what kind of bike is this?!" He exclaimed, pointing to…the grotesque thing in front of him.

"This is a bike." Replied Sanada nonchalantly. Personally, he thinks he made a brilliant choice!

"It's horrible." Niou came in randomly and pointed out.

Yes, indeed it was horrible, but Sanada just raised a brow at it. The bike was brilliant! Pink, shiny, it even had pink and white ribbons on the handles! Who couldn't resist the smiling face of Barbie on the little pink basket in the front? And that beautifully crafted bell sitting on the handle bars! He didn't want to get started on _that_ beautiful thing! The ring of it was like…a goddess's voice!! (Well, to Kirihara, more like a rusty door.) The wheels, perfect round white wheels! Did he have to go on about it?

The shiny pink paint that glistened in the sun! Sanada had thought he made a perfect choice for Kirihara! Perfect enough for a god!

"I HATE IT!!" Kirihara wailed loudly. "I hate you too!! Buchou just wants me to suffer through your wrath!! (sob) I HATE YOU!!"

Sanada was heart broken. He spent _all_ that money to buy it? And Kirihara hated it!! Darn this world of ours!! DARN IT TO HECCCCKKKK. But Sanada decided to remain strong.

"You will ride it, and you will _like_ it." He grumbled angrily at the wailing second year.

"NO! I HATE YOU!! I WON'T RIDE IT!!"

Just then, Yanagi stepped in. "Genichirou, Akaya's in his…teenage stage when he just wants to break away from his parents and you. You cannot look after him forever."

"You make me sound like his parent…" Sanada muttered, fixing his cap.

"You _act_ like his parents." Yanagi responded as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Sanada mentally gasped. He acted like Kirihara's parents? How strange that is!! Of course not!!

"A-An abusive parent who likes to slap his children!!" Kirihara cried loudly. "Yanagi-san, Fukubuchou's being a butt again!!"

"Yes, Akaya. I can tell that Genichirou is indeed '_being a butt_.'" The data master looked at the bike and _flinched_ by it's shiny pink paint. Good thing he never usually opens his eyes or he'd probably be a _blind_ data master!

"I hate this bike!!" Kirihara sobbed loudly, kicking it over.

Sanada gasped. "Akaya! That bike cost me five dollars! Don't you dare scratch the paint!!"

"See? You're being cheap!!" Kirihara kicked the pink THING again.

"It was a very important five dollars." Grunted Sanada as he fixed his cap for the fiftieth time.

The ace pouted. "I hate you, you…you…BALDING OLD MAN!!"

Sanada gasped. "I-I am not an old man! I am very young and...YOUNG!!"

"You are an old man. A BALDING old man." Kirihara pouted.

"..." Sanada tried his hardest to keep his cool, but being Sanada this did not last long. "...5000 LAPS NOW!! AROUND TOKYO! AROUND JAPAN DAMMIT!!"

"B-But...I-I..." Kirihara burst into tears.

"NO BUTS!! RUN!!"

Just then, Yukimura came in. "Oh my…Genichirou! Tell me what you did to make Akaya burst to tears like this! Who did it?" You could just SEE the evil aura behind him. Oh my…it looks like the devil.

"He disliked the bike." Sanada answered, trying to keep cool in front of the all mighty YUKIMURA-BUCHOU.

"What bike?" Yukimura asked.

Kirihara, who was still sobbing, pointed to the pink blinding bike at his feet. "HE TRIED TO MAKE ME RIDE THIS GIRLY THING!! ONLY MARUI-SEMPAI WOULD RIDE SOMETHING LIKE THIS!!"

"Of course not, silly!" Yukimura smiled, and comforted Kirihara. "Marui wouldn't ride that! He's much too fat for it."

Kirihara ceased sobbing. "I see, buchou…I feel better now. You always know how to make people feel better."

Marui walked in randomly, and started to rant like a pregnant lady. "I AM NOT FAT!! I'M JUST A LITTLE CHUBBY!!"

"That's what they all say, Marui." Niou smirked.

The red head walked off screaming like a lunatic. Perhaps Rikkai finally killed his little sanity. If he had any, in the first place that is.

"Mommy—I mean, Buchou…" Kirihara tugged at Yukimura's shirt. "I don't want to ride this bike. It's ugly like Sanada-san's face."

Yukimura smiled. "Of course not, this bike is far prettier than Genichirou's face." Wow, and he said it so politely. "And, you just called me mommy."

"I'm sorry, Buchou. You're just as nice as a mommy." Kirihara kicked the bike again. "This bike as ugly as Sanada-san's face."

"So, let's teach you how to ride that bike." Yukimura smiled…like a sadist.

* * *

"Are you sure this is safe?" Kirihara asked, looking down at the rocky…rocks below his bike/feet.

Yukimura looked innocent. "Why, of course it is! Akaya, why would you think I would hurt you?"

"Maybe it's just that we're on top of a mountain…" The ace replied. "I don't feel safe here!!"

"It's perfectly safe, Akaya!" Yukimura smiled again. This time, it was his "Listen to me, BIOTCH/BETCH/BITCH" smile.

"If you say so…"

Renji walked by and mumbled to himself. "There's a 98.9374327439423402439342 percent (and it's rounded) chance that Akaya's not going to be happy at the results…"

Next to him, Sanada's little "Tarundoru!" brain melted and malfunctioned.

So, with a sadistic smile, Yukimura pushed Kirihara and his Barbie bike down the mountain. Down, down, down, down, Kirihara went at high speed. Did I also mention he was screaming like a little girl? Well, he was. Like a little girl, Kirihara screamed, as he went down, down, down, down the giant rocky mountain.

Meanwhile, in like, China…

"Hey, you." Said some random guy in Chinese. "Do you hear that little girl's screaming?"

"Yes, I do. I wonder where it is coming from. It cannot possibly be from somewhere like Japan, right?" Asked the other random guy.

"Probably some little boy is being pushed down a rocky mountain in Japan right now! And he's learning how to ride a bike, so he can't stop!" Laughed the first man.

"Impossible! That's so illogical!!" The second joined in laughed with the first guy.

Oh how right they were…

Back to Japan!!

Kirihara _still_ screaming like a little girl. When will he stop, no one knows!! Anyways, he's rolling, rolling, rolling down the giant mountain that somehow they got on top of. He's going at full speed as well. This shouldn't end well, right? That's very correct indeed.

Look, there's a random tree in front of him, and Kirihara's just screaming away. Who knew he could sustain such a squeaky girly voice for such a long period of time? And loud enough for people in China to hear, as well. He's incredible, no?

"Yukimura, do you think this is a safe thing to do?" Sanada asked, looking at the little dot that used to be their Junior Ace.

The child of god squinted to see the dot. "I'm sure he'll be fine. Who knows, but you're paying for his hospital fees, right?"

"Yes--…What? I'm paying for hospital fees?"

"Of course you are, Genichirou."

"I—Okay, fine…" Darn Yukimura for being Child of God and Sanada's (secret) idol.

As we were saying, there's a tree…and Kirihara's gonna crash into it any moment. Haha, let's hope he lives, okay?

So, Kirihara's bicycle hit the tree, which made him move forward, which _also_ led him to hurt himself by crashing into the tree and rolling down the mountain screaming. Did I also mention he was covered in blood? Yay! Its multi-colored Akaya time!

* * *

"So Akaya, what did you learn?" Yukimura smiled innocently, sitting next to Kirihara on a stool.

Kirihara groaned from his hospital bed. "To never ride a bike bought by Sanada-san…" He grumbled.

Then, the child of God turned to our dear fukubuchou. "And what did _you_ learn, Genichirou?"

"Not to be cheap?" Sanada asked, looking at his hospital bills he had recently gotten.

"Good job, boys." Yukimura cheered in a preschool teacher's voice. "You did a good job today!"

Secretly, Sanada went to Atobe later to pay for the hospital bills. Atobe was a bit suspicious, but he never said anything. YAYS FOR BEING WITH A RICH GUY!!

And they lived "crappily" ever after.

* * *

:D Someone kill me. Don't bother reviewing, I know you hate me. MOMMI, YOU HATE ME TOO, DON'T YOU? I'M A SLACKER.


	16. That NaruTard

**Number 16: I will not Attempt to Cut Niou's Hair**

* * *

…

I'm lazy. :D

* * *

It was a cloudy night. There wasn't a sound to be heard. The trees rustled quietly to themselves.

Here we are, at a certain house. A house that umm…houses five people. Two brothers, a sister, and two parents.

Oh look at that, two little people are climbing through the window…and they successfully made it in!

"O-okay, let's get this over with so I can watch Sailor Moon, I think they're showing episode one all over again." One said. "I never got a chance to watch them when I was six."

"Okay, Marui-sempai. You're insane. No one watches Sailor Moon nowadays! They watch stuff like, Power Rangers! Geez, you're so old fashioned." The other guy stated.

"Shut up Akaya. Let's just get this over with so we can get on with our lives." Marui barked.

Kirihara shrugged. "If you say so. I mean, why did we do this again?"

"Would you rather kidnap Yagyuu or do this?"

"I'd rather kid—"

"That's what I thought you said. Who would want to kidnap Yagyuu?" Marui dragged Kirihara to a room. Not just any room, it was a special one because it led them to the hall.

"Hey! I said I _would_ kid—"

"Now, now Akaya. We'll finish this up and eat something after we watch Sailor Moon!" Chirped Marui as if he were bi-polar. Seriously, one moment he's happy, the next he was barking orders at his kouhai. Strange.

Kirihara grumbled quietly to himself as his sempai dragged him across a dark hall. Of course, since there was carpet on the floor, he got a butt rug burn. Poor Baka—I mean, Akaya…

After a good few moments, Marui opened yet another door. This time, it was a room. Not just any room though, it was special again! Well, I guess everything in this house was special…

"OMG, MARUI-SEMPAI!! HE OWNS THE WHOLE SET OF NARUTO MANGA!!" Shrieked the curly haired Kirihara. "HE'S SO COOL."

"Whoa, he does. That Naru-tard." Marui stared at the manga that were all stacked side by side in perfect order on the shelf. "O-oh wait, we're supposed to be doing something here."

"Yeah, we're supposed to cut Niou-sempai's hair." Kirihara absentmindedly pointed out.

"Yeah," Marui pulled out some scissors, "so let's get this over with."

The two approached the sleeping Petenshi as if he were a science experiment. Actually, they were just making sure he was asleep.

Was he?

Hmmmm…snoring like there's no tomorrow, eyes closed, covers over his head…seems sleeping enough, right?

If you said yes, you are correct. You earn a prize! Which is to read this godforsaken story and somehow, Kirihara and Marui are staring at the ceiling like there was a stupid author there, typing this away. Haha, it was just their imagination, right? Correct again! Man, you readers are geniuses!!

Anyway, after the long stare, Marui and Kirihara exchanged awkward laughs.

"Ready?" Marui asked.

"Yeah, DUHHH." Kirihara rolled his eyes.

"Okay, I hate it when you do that!" Marui hissed at his kouhai. "Can't you give your sempai a little bit more respect?!"

"The day I give you respect is the day I start bowing down to Atobe!" Kirihara answered, crossing his arms childishly.

"WELL START!" Marui yelled, twitching like there's no tomorrow.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE A HORRIBLE ROLE MODEL!!" Kirihara yelled back.

"NU-UH!"

"UH-HUH!!"

"NU-UH!"

"UH-HUH!!"

"NU-UH!!"

"UH-HUH!!"

"**AM NOT!!**"

"**ARE SO!!**"

Well, anyway this fight went on for a few minutes. By now, the whole house's lights were turn on…and so was the rest of the neighborhood. Oh _joy_.

"WELL YOU KNOW WHAT?!" Marui screeched.

"WHAT?! YOU'RE UGLY?!" Kirihara replied loudly.

"NO! I HATE YOU VERY MUCH!!" Marui stomped his foot like a three year old. It shook the floor…I mean it, seriously. It shook.

"YOU STUPID BALL OF FAT!! THE FLOOR SHOOK FROM YOUR FATNESS!! GEEZ! I HATE YOU TOO!!" Kirihara was practically throwing a fit on the ground. Whining, kicking, screaming, shaking, and anything else you can think of.

"I HATE YOU!!"

"I HATE YOU MORE!!"

"Ahem…"

"I HATE YOU KIRIHARA AKAYA! I HOPE FUJI SYUUSUKE GIVES YOU A POISONOUS CACTUS, AND YOU DIE FROM THE SIGHT OF IT!!"

"I'LL DIE FROM THE SIGHT OF YOU SOON ENOUGH! YOU'RE NOT GOOD FOR MY HEALTH!!"

"_Ahem._"

"YOU'RE KILLING MY SANITY!"

"OH PLEASE, YOU NEVER HAD SANITY!!"

"_HEY YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IS IT?!_" Screeched a female voice from behind.

"LOOK LADY. GO TO SLEEP!!" The red head and the curly haired brat both answered.

"IT'S AT LEAST THREE A.M. IN THE MORNING!! AND YOU'RE SCREAMING YOUR HEADS OFF!!" The woman yelled even louder than Kirihara and Marui _combined_.

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" Yelled a familiar Petenshi's voice.

"MASAHARU! IF YOU WANTED A HAREM, AT LEAST DO IT WHEN WE'RE AWAY FROM THE HOUSE!! GEEZ!!"

"SHUT UP NEE-CHAN. THEY'RE…" Niou took at the look at Marui and Kirihara. "THEY'RE HOBOS TRYING TO STEAL OUR THINGS, RAPE OUR BROTHER, AND….UH…USE UP YOUR PHONE MINUTES FOR THE WHOLE MONTH!!"

The lady, who we all know now as Niou's _sister_, gasped. "N-NOT MY PHONE MINUTES!!" She screamed. Quickly, she ran out of the room, returning later only to have a bat in one hand, and a broom in the other. Guess what happens next?

A) Marui and Kirihara run for it.

B) They party.

C) Laugh awkwardly and end this stupid story.

D) Getting hit like how old ladies hurt random pedophiles. Yes. The old classic "hit the man with your purses who holds WHO-KNOWS-WHAT" thing.

If you guessed D, you are correct. Man, you readers are GENIUSES, I SAYZ!! GENIUSESSSS!!

So, Niou's sister approached the two "hobos" and began mercilessly swinging the bat at Kirihara, and hitting Marui with the broom's head (also messing up his hair) on the other side.

"HOLY—STOP IT LADY!!" Marui tried defend his poor face.

"GOD DA—LADY THAT HURTS!! IT'S A METAL BAT ISN'T IT?!" Kirihara wailed loudly as the bat hit him in random places.

Niou looked at the two idiots…and laughed.

Loudly.

You can probably guess no one got any sleep that night. And the next morning, Kirihara and Marui (all bruised and battered) faced the wrath of Yukimura for not completing their mission.

:D The End.

* * *

"Onii-san, that story is so retarded." A bored looking nine year old complained.

Niou raised a finger and went "tsk, tsk, tsk," to the boy. "This story is epic, and it's true."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is, you were just at a sleepover when it happened." Niou answered. "Now be a good little brother and go to sleep." He gave the smaller boy a pat on the head.

"…" Let's say, that boy _wasn't_ exactly amused.

"…?"

"You're stupid."

"…" This time, it was NIOU who wasn't amused.

Haha, the Niou family is funny.

And amazing enough, this story had nothing to do with PoT (did it?) nor did the rest of Rikkai appear!! Amazing!! This must be a new record!!

"The chances of this happening are at least 3.83478743054375436, rounded, percent." Yanagi, who came out of absolutely nowhere (probably Niou's closet…?), answered the author. "And I really don't think you should be talking to us characters."

…Okay…

"Now leave us alone, you stupid author!!" Kirihara yelled out of nowhere.

"Onii-san, please tell the others to get out of my room."

"My pleasure."

What happened next, was a mystery to all of us…maybe not your imaginations.

The _REAL_ end of the story.

* * *

:D someone kill me.

And did anyone notice that this chapter had nothing to do with the title? o.o


	17. Fanfiction

Finally, I got a new computer. Hope you'll enjoy this update!

P.S.: Make sure you never listen to "What's Up, People!" by Maximum Hormone when you're writing stories. XD

I also blame you, sis.

* * *

**Number Seventeen: I will Not Attempt to write Fanfiction**

* * *

"Oi, Niou, you knew where the brat went?" Our dearest Tensai, Marui Bunta, asked as he munched on his fiftieth snack that hour.

"How should I know?" Niou replied half-heartedly as he flipped through his comic book (COUGHYAGYUU'SBABYPHOTOSCOUGH). "Go ask the readers or something."

"NIOU MASAHARU! DON'T YOU DARE BREAK THE FOURTH WALL ON ME!!"

"What fourth wall? Didn't it get bulldozed over by the author several times already?" Niou faced the readers. "Isn't that right?"

"…" Marui did a face/palm.

"Anyway, look at _this_ photo!" The other boy picked up his book and shoved it in the red head's face. "Isn't Yagyuu as a little boy cute? Look at his baby butt!"

Marui twitched and pushed the offending book away from his face. "Yes Niou…they're beautiful, and as much as I like to see Yagyuu's baby butt, I have to find Akaya."

"Again, go ask the readers." Niou answered, pointing, apparently, to the ceiling.

"BUCHOU!!! NIOU'S BREAKTHING THE FOURTH WALL AGAIN!!!"

"NIOU, STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!! TARUNDORU!!"

"You're not Yukimura." Niou flipped another page again. "Ooh, he's in a pretty dress in this picture." You could just _see_ the perverted (and somewhat pedophile-like) look on his face.

"Oh Genichirou, don't worry about the fourth wall. The author has already abused it several times. Isn't that right, readers?" Yukimura said calmly.

"Yes, there is a 98.738432 percent chance that a lot of other authors out there break the fourth wall as well. So there is nothing to worry about, but author-san, please refrain from breaking the fourth wall any longer because this is NOT Gintama." Yanagi explained. He even had a projector (we have no idea where the "projectee" came from) to show us how much we're breaking the fourth wall—oops, we're breaking it!!

"Guys! The fourth wall really is going to die! Stop it!" Jackal pleaded. Hell, this could be the only time he shows up in this story. Remember to remember this line, guys! "DAMMIT, I HATE YOU AUTHOR! GIVE ME MORE SCREENTIME!!!"

"Jackal!" Yagyuu walked in. "Please don't use such vulgar language."

"Fuck him, Yagyuu. Your fucking pictures are the shit." Niou cheered like the man/rebel/thing he is.

"…" Yagyuu face/palmed. Well, would you look at that! Yagyuu and Marui are the only two normal ones in this chapter! Congrats guys! Oh, uh…moving on!

"Can someone _please_ tell me where Akaya is?" Marui begged as he chewed on his box(es) of pocky that he somehow did not crush in his pockets.

"My Akaya senses are tingling." Yukimura randomly stated. Well, actually, it wasn't random. It was somewhat on topic and—oh, wait, I'm not Shinji. Moving on. "He's in the li—"

"LAZY BOY STRIPPER CLUB?!" Niou suddenly cut in. "DAMMIT! I TOLD HIM NOT TO GO IN WITHOUT ME!!"

"Ahem." Yagyuu politely coughed. "_What_ club did you tell Akaya about…?"

"Um…the…hazy toy flipper club!! Yes! It's a toy shop, can you tell?"

"…" Niou probably shouldn't sleep tonight. Who knows what Yagyuu would do. Or Yukimura, for cutting him off. Poor Niou. He didn't stand a chance in this chap—breaking fourth wall again.

"Anyway, as I was saying—"

"—Before you were _rudely_ interrupted by Niou." This time, our dear Fukubuchou cut Yukimura off, which earned him a stern look (no, he wouldn't call it a glare, because if it was, Sanada could be burnt toast).

"Sanada-san, I hope you had a good life." Yagyuu said sincerely. "I'm really sorry you have to leave so soon."

"Yeah, poor, poor Sanada." Niou rolled his eyes.

"CAN YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP SO YUKIMURA CAN TALK!?!??!" Marui was waving his arms in the air, screaming like a crazy banshee on crack.

Everyone in the room stared at said redhead.

"Thank you…Bunta…I think."

"You are welcome." Marui crossed his arms and pouted like the man he is.

"As I was saying, Akaya's in the library."

"…" There was a huge silence in the room.

Niou was the first to break it. "HE'S IN THE FUCKING LIBRARY!? THAT'S FREAKING HILARIOUS. NICE ONE, YUKIMURA!! Now seriously, where is he?"

"He's in the library." Yanagi repeated for his captain. "I can show you."

"…How exactly are you going to—" Marui was cut off by Yanagi's projector suddenly showing a full video of what Akaya was doing.

"Renji, where did you get these gadget doo-hickys?" Sanada questioned, looking annoyed. Whether that look was for Yanagi or technology itself, we'll never know.

"There are some things, Genichirou, even I can't tell you." Yanagi instantly answered. Little did we all know that Yanagi actually bought them in the Black Market…and eBay. We all love eBay. Except when I—oops, fourth wall again.

"…" Sanada didn't want to know where Yanagi got his junk from anyway. Technology was EVIL.

"What the hell is Akaya even doin', yo?" Niou asked, putting his feet on the table.

"Stop trying to act like Reno from Final Fantasy Seven. You're not as cool as him." Marui said, slapping Niou in the back of his head. Little did our redhead know that someday he'll regret it.

"I believe Akaya's going on the internet."

"Porn?"

"Niou." Yukimura gave Niou a look. One that says "say-anymore-and-you-won't-live-until-tomorrow" look, except this is Yukimura, so it's probably even worse than that.

"I believe he's on a site called "Fan Fiction"." Yanagi answered.

"What's he writing about?"

"I have no clue."

"…"

"YANAGI DOESN'T KNOW SOMETHING. WHAT HAS THE WORLD GONE TO!?!?!?!?!" Screamed Marui, who still sounded like a banshee on crack.

"…" Yanagi felt ashamed at that moment. What if Sadaharu knew more about this than him? Never! He'll get on Fan Fiction tonight and study!!

* * *

"_Kirihara-sama~~ ur just da best purson eva!! ILU so mach!! :DDDD" a pretty gurl named sakura cried. "marri me plz!"_

"_Sorry gals, im not dating any1 rite nao." Kirihara Akaya, the skool heartthrob of Rikkai, anwred. "maybe l8tr."_

"_-sob- u hate mii!" the gurl whaled az she run awai._

"_stooped gurl." _

_Yes, Kirihara Akaya, wuz the best guy evar. He beat every1 in tennis and wuz the best at everythin. No body cud beat hem._

_Da end_

_Well guyz plz reviewz on this awesum stori._

Kirihara Akaya, the Rikkaidai Ace, grinned accomplishedly at his newest updated chapter. It was pure genius. It had a bit of this, and a bit of that, and more importantly, HE WAS GOD of the story.

He uploaded his story, wrote a summary, title, rating, and waited for a reply.

After waiting three seconds, and not getting a reply, Kirihara went home to check his own computer.

He fell asleep in the bus, and came back home at midnight, so he never checked it.

* * *

ONE DAY LATER

* * *

The whole Rikkai library practically exploded.

"**WHAT THE FUCK?! NO REVIEWS?!!?? WHYYYYYYY!!!!!"**


	18. Cosplayers UNITE!

Hey guys, I'm actually updating and on Marui's birthday at that! OGMAAAA!! (lol to the Fire Emblem reference, okay, I'll shut up.)

PS: Can you guess the fandoms that are in here? Cookies to those who know~

* * *

**Number 18: I will not Attempt to try things from Anime I've Watched**

* * *

Last chapter, we left you off with dear Akaya screaming about his lack of reviews. Well, this chapter, we bring you…

FANDOM ITSELF!!!

Well, I'll stop it with the fourth wall breakage, and let's begin!

* * *

"Oi, brat. What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm obviously eating Marui-sempai's cake, Niou-sempai. What else did you think I was doing?" Our dear demon of Rikkai answered as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

"…What's with the crouch/sit? You got kicked in the balls or something?" The silver haired petenshi asked, poking the brat in the face. You readers _do_ happen to know that he's only doing this because he is bored, right? Well, if you didn't, now you knew! You learn something new every day!

"Of course not. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go catch the infamous Kira. I believe he is Fuji Syuunsuke of Seigaku, do you not think the same?" Kirihara questioned, poking his strawberry on the cake with his fork. Oh, did we also mention that he held his fork in an odd manner? It was held in an odd way between his index and thumb.

"…" Niou didn't want to bother the brat anymore. Something told him the crazy idiot fell down the stairs this morning.

Or was dropped on the head too many times by his parents.

Yeah, the second one sounds better.

"Niou-sempai, there is a 5 percent chance that _you_ are Kira. You're so evil like that, and you obviously hate to lose."

"Yes, that's great, Mr. I'm-a-Great-Detective…" Niou rolled his eyes before going to his locker to get his copy of Yagyuu's family pictures/Yagyuu's baby pictures.

"Please, just call me Kirihara. I am fine with that name, Niou-sempai."

"…"

Niou decided to look at the pictures in another spot. So, he did. He left the room with the crazy brat, and his crazy antics. What the hell was he trying to be anyway?

Suddenly, a red head flashed before his eyes. NO. He was not dying, it wasn't a memory.

"Oh hey fatty, what's up?" The petenshi greeted the redhead.

Marui turned around to face the petenshi; he was wearing goggles and had a pocky stick in his mouth. He wore a black and red striped shirt, and a no sleeved tan-colored jacket. In one black gloved hand, he had a PSP (how did he sneak that in with Sanada around?). "Yo, what's up, Niou?"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!?!"

"What do ya' mean?"

"WHY ARE YOU COSPLAYING?!"

"Am not. I just thought that these clothes," Marui pointed to his awesome clothes, "would look good on me."

"WHY ARE YOU NOT EATING THAT POCKY?!"

"I'm pretending it's a cigarette. No shut up, I have to beat Sephiroth." Marui resumed his gaming spree.

"…Dude, he's easy."

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT FROM YOU."

"…"

Niou decided to run off after that. WHY IS EVERYONE CRAZY TODAY?! Was he the ONLY sane one left?

"Oh, it's Baldy—err…Uncle Earl—err…Jackal!" Niou proclaimed, running to the Wall of Rikkai.

"Oh. Hello Niou." Jackal said, pushing his shiny sunglasses further up his nose.

"…What are _you_ supposed to be?" The petenshi asked, squinting his eyes in annoyance.

"Rude."

"…What?"

"Final Fantasy Seven. You need to watch it, Niou." Jackal said, strutting off much like how Atobe does behind the scenes when we're not looking.

"…EVEN JACKAL IS CRAZY—Wait, he was always like that." Now Niou _really_ wanted to know what was going on. Were they attempting to trick the Trickster himself? How dare they!! They should know _Niou_ is the best and will always BE the best.

So the Trickster ran off in search for the others.

"Oh, Yagyuu!!" Niou ran to his best friend (EVARRR).

"…"

"WHAT THE HELL. WHY IS YOUR HAIR BLACK?!"

"Oh, Niou-kun. You can be my Gin-san, okay?" Now-black-haired Yagyuu said, tossing Niou a bokuto (wooden sword).

"UH, WHAT? WHO? HOW?"

"I am Shinpachi, you are Gintoki. Simple enough?"

"I never took you for an Otaku, Yagyuu." Niou said, strapping the sword on his belt that somehow materialized there.

"If you don't want to be Gintoki, you could always try to be Sougou…"

"No, I don't want to look like a brown haired sadistic brat."

"Niou-kun, that description sounds _so_ familiar…" Yagyuu crossed his arms and pondered for a while.

"I know…"

"NIOU, START RUNNING. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WARMING UP!" Sanada suddenly bellowed from behind.

"HOLY—WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?"

"SANADA GENICHIROU, OF COURSE."

"Can we please stop abusing the shift key?" Yanagi butted in, obviously breaking the fourth wall. But hey, he's one of the THREE DEMONS OF RIKKAI, he has rights…I think.

Niou scratched the back of his head, his silvery strands of hair looked a bit more curly than usual. "So, um, Yanagi…who are you supposed to be?"

"I'm Yanagi Renji, the data master who is better than Sadaharu, a member of Rikkaidai. Have you hit your head, Niou?"

"No, I knew that. I mean, _what are you wearing_?" The petenshi stressed out, pointing to the strange clothes the tall man before him wore.

Yanagi adjusted his headband. "I am pretending to be to be a ninja…dattebayo."

"OKAY, YOU SUCK AT BEING A NINJA."

"Everyone has their own opinions, Niou. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

Yanagi adjusted his glasses and stared at Yanagi's hideous orange jumpsuit. "Are you sure you should have cosplayed an incompetent? I feel as though you should have been someone much brighter…"

Our dear second year brat--err…detective-genius stepped out, yes, without shoes, with a fork in his mouth. "I seem to have run out of cake. Where is Watari?"

"THERE IS NO WATARI, YOU BRAT. LIKE HELL A CHARACTER LIKE YOURS EXSISTED!" Niou practically out-of-"characterishly" exclaimed.

Somewhere up in heaven, a certain raven haired detective sneezed. "Hmm…must be getting chilly, I never knew angels could get sick…" He murmured eerily to himself. "Watari, I am in need of more cake."

"HOW COULD YOU, NIOU-SEMPAI/GINTOKI?! AT LEAST PEOPLE TRY TO PRONOUNCE MY MANGA'S NAME. I MEAN, YOURS MEANS GOLDEN BALLS."

"Actually Akaya," Yanagi corrected, "his manga's name means "Silver Soul", except most girls don't say it because they're afraid that someone would think they like watching golden balls."

"Hey guys, I can't find my boxes of cake. Where'd you put it?" Marui asked, stepping in. "I mean, come on, it's my birthday, obviously there should be a big piece of cake, right?"

The group fell silent, leaving Marui clueless. Akaya quickly slipped away, still with the fork in hand.

Finally, it hit the red head. It hit the red head, REALLY, REALLY HARD. Like in episode whatever when you-know-who in you-know-where got shot by like, a million people right as he stepped out of the car. Ironically, that's who Marui was cosplaying. Odd, wasn't it? It's a small world.

"**KIRIHARA AKAYAAAAAA!!!!!! GET YOU FAT ASS BACK HERE!!!"** Marui Bunta, current genius, roared, causing the school to shake.

"Hey guys, look who I bumped into!" Jackal/Rude exclaimed, pointing to the person behind him.

Niou yawned, then greeted the buchou of Rikkai. "Hi Yukimura, don't mind what just happened. Marui's just having an episode again."

Yukimura sighed underneath his black cloak. "Again? Is it Akaya this time? That poor little angel."

"So…what are _you_ supposed to be?" The silver haired Gintoki-turned-man/cosplayed asked, addressing to the black cloak. It wasn't just a black cloak, it looked familiar. Which anime was it that had black cloaks with red clouds? Probably some weird ninja show, where one odd ninja's goal is to be acknowledge as some kind of hero. You know, the one that has some _weird_ ninja that's trying to save the other. Yeah, that one.

The other man only chuckled lightly. "Well, you'll find out some day. It's a surprise anyway."

"So, let me get this straight…Akaya's a detective, Marui's some kind of video game addict, Jackal is Rude, Yagyuu is Shinpachi, I'm Gintoki, Yanagi is some orange ninja, and you're some kind of other ninja…What's our dear Fukubuchou?"

"Odd how you only know three out of seven," Yanagi commented, but his dear comment was ignored. Poor Yanagi.

"Well, I thought it'd be obvious to know who I am."

Niou blinked. "…?"

Yagyuu coughed. "Actually Sanada-kun, I don't know what you are either. A type of super hero, may I presume?"

Sanada sighed. "If you must know, I'm…"

There was a sudden drum roll that came out of nowhere. Then Niou realized that Yagyuu and Jackal were playing their stupid sound effects record again. Must they play it every time it seems to be needed? It's not like they're in an anime or anything! Ha! That's stupid. Next thing you know, you're saying there are pages and pages of fan fiction about Rikkaidai. Hell! They could be in one right now. HA! Like that'll ever happen.

"I'M SANADAMAN!!!" The Fukubuchou exclaimed, waving his cape around like some sort of six year old in Halloween. Actually, it seems normal for Sanada. Heck, who knows. We'll never know.

"…Sanadaman?" The group chorused curiously. Even Marui and Kirihara came back to ask what the hell Sanada was.

Sanada frowned even more than usual. "No, not _Sanadaman_. It's SANADAMAN."

"What?" That was when the group decided to just ignore it and stop cosplaying.

Really.

Sanada really killed cosplaying for them. For life.

"SANADAMAN TO THE RESCUE!!!!" Sanada bellowed, causing the school to shake much like Marui.

And thus, ended the day in Rikkaidai. Of course, it didn't seem like they had tennis practice. Screw it, they're the BIG BAD RIKKAIDAI.

* * *

"Watari, remind me why I'm reading this? I thought fan fiction was prohibited in Skyworld…"

"HI GUYS, MY NAME IS PIT!"

"…This doesn't make sense…"

* * *

"**SANADAMAN TO THE RESCUE!!!"**

Niou woke up screaming. Oh. It was just a dream. Haha, odd. Well, until he saw that his room was filled with SANADAMAN posters. He screamed even louder.

"MASAHARU, YOU BETTER FUCKING SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I PERSONALLY BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!!" Shrieked Niou's PMS-ing older sister.

"Y-Yes, nee-chan…" Niou pulled the sheets over his face, hoping it'll hide the hideous SANADAMAN posters.

And thus the chapter ended...

* * *

I'll tell you the anime in the next chapter. :D

If you know them all, just put it in a review. (HELL, THIS IS ONE WAY TO KNOW YOU'RE READING-- -bricked-) I was just kidding, ignore it.

Screw it. Ten pages, all for you. BYE.


	19. Greece is Famous for it's Kitties

LOL I'm seriously updating and it's been two months. I'm sorry guys, as I've probably told a lot of people, I'm usually writing on dA. Anyone who likes SSB stories, THERE IS A PLACE TO GOOOO!!

Anyway, here are the people who actually got the fandoms right:

1) Beru-Beri - 100 Correct; you my friend, are made of WIN.

2) iPurpleBerrI - I'll give it to you even though you didn't name them. XD (What's with all the BERRI people here?)

3) Midnightxwolfx - Same as iPurpleBerrI, but hey, at least you got the fandoms.

For all that didn't know:

Kirihara and Marui - L and Matt (Death Note)

Niou and Yagyuu - Gintoki and Shinpachi (Gintama)

Jackal - Rude (Final Fantasy VII)

Yanagi and Yukimura - Naruto and just a random Akatsuki member LOL (Naruto) I should have made Yukimura Lithuania or something. (haha, APH reference)

Sanada - SANADAMAN (and yes, you MUST spell it with all caps. I don't care if your caps lock button is broken.)

And for all of you who don't play video games, yes, Kid Icarus (Pit) was in that story. As well as Watari and L.

Phew, finally. Here's your story. Bleh, stop reading this crap guys. XD

Why the hell aren't I updating Digitally Impaired. KILL ME.

* * *

Earlier on, we spoke of Lithuania and fandom…which brings us to Axis Powers Hetalia…THIS CHAPTER, WE BRING YOU…

**Number 19: I will not trick Kirihara into thinking that Greenland's in Germany**

* * *

"Uh…then what is Prussia?" Asked Kirihara as he chewed contently on his strawberry scented pencil. Too bad that pencil doesn't TASTE like strawberry. Awwww. He was still getting over his "L" phase.

"Silly brat, everyone knows that it's Russia, but they decided to change the name because they're too lazy to put an extra line next to the "R" in English!" Niou explained slyly, having that "he's-so-stupid-for-actually-believing-me" smile printed all over his face.

"Actually Prussia isn't Russian, Niou-kun, it's actually--" Niou cut Yagyuu off with that very sly grin he had before.

"Shhh--the brat doesn't need such a long and unneeded explanation on why Russia and Prussia are almost the same, Yagyuu."

Kirihara blinked. That seemed perfectly correct to him! "Then where is Greenland?" He asked, squinting slightly at a map of Japan. "I don't see it ANYWHERE on this map!"

"Silly Akaya, everyone knows that Greenland's in the middle of Germany!"

Yagyuu sighed and silently face palmed. "Actually Niou-kun, _Greenland _is in--"

The trickster clamped a hand on Yagyuu's mouth. "SHHHH. He doesn't need your lengthy explanations, Yagyuu-dearest."

Kirihara's green eyes narrowed as he flipped through the atlas. "Then where is Germany?"

"It's located right under Australia, obviously."

"Heh…that makes sense to me." Kirihara shrugged and scribbled the answers that Niou had given him on his history/geography homework. "Okay, what happened in the Revolutionary War and between whom?"

"It's obviously between Poland and Russia. They fought over the best television channel." Niou replied as if it were the most obvious question in the world.

"Where is the Statue of Liberty located then?"

Niou sighed. "You're so dumb, Akaya. It's obviously located in England."

Kirihara nodded and scribbled down the answers yet again. "Where is Italy located?"

"Next to Hong Kong, stupid."

"Thanks, sempai. I'm _so_ going to ace this test for sure!" Kirihara exclaimed, totally forgetting the number…uh…7 rule of Rikkaidai.

Number one is to, obviously, NOT LOSE. And then we skip to seven. **NEVER TRUST NIOU MASAHARU.** Too bad Kirihara totally forgot that…or is it a good thing? Well, depends on which point of view you're looking at, I guess.

Kirihara read the next question. "Where's America?--WAIT. I KNOW THIS!! UH…Uh…"

Marui, who was walking by, coughed loudly on his arm while saying, "ONTOPOFENGLAND. HACKHACK. COUGHCOUGH." at the same time. Isn't talking and coughing at the same time magical in it's own magical way in the ways of magical magic?--Wait…what?

The devil blinked and took three seconds to register what Marui said/coughed. "OH! You're totally right! America really _is_ on top of England!"

"Where is Spain then?"

Niou pretended to be disappointed in Kirihara and said sadly, "Didn't you learn all of this? Spain is obviously next Southern Italy who is actually next to France."

"But you just said Italy is next to Hong Kong, sempai!"

"Yes, but I didn't say which Italy. I just said Italy. It could have been…Northern Italy!"

Marui coughed. "I heard that Skyworld's located next to America." He added in, actually feeling SMART for once. Well, technically, he IS a genius…Sort of.

"Silly Marui-sempai, Skyworld doesn't exist! It's where Pit lives and Pit's in a video game!" Kirihara exclaimed, feeling smarter than Marui at that moment.

Somewhere out there in Super Smash Brothers World, our dearest angel Pit sneezed, making Ike go insane because he thought _his_ angel was getting sick. Hell, he just blamed Link.

"Do you get the feeling that somewhere out there someone sneezed and their lover/boyfriend/whatever went crazy and is blaming it on someone blond?" Niou suddenly asked, looking out the window.

"No actually, I get the feeling that someone out there right now is reading what we're saying." Kirihara answered, blinking obliviously.

Niou smirked. "You can't READ speech, stupid."

"Do you ever get the feeling that someone is writing everything we say as we say it?" Marui chimed in, somewhat paranoid.

At that moment Yagyuu just decided to randomly leave and go home. He had a feeling that somewhere out there, he wasn't needed for the "plot", so he just left.

Kirihara shook off the paranoia that Marui had given him and continued reading off his homework. "Where is Greece located and why are they famous?"

Niou's smirk got even bigger than before. "Obviously Greece is just across the ocean from Japan, and they're famous for their kitties. Duh. Haven't you ever seen a map?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, they invented kittens." Marui added chewing loudly on his gum.

"Korea created everything _but_ the condom," Niou chimed in, pretending to be "helpful".

Kirihara nodded and absorbed all those stupid--uh…brilliant answers into his brain. Let's hope he doesn't have a brain-blow-out or something. That would be bad. "I'm done!"

"Oh, and Kirihara, did you know that Santa Clause actually comes from Hyrule? His time zone is so different from our world, that's why he could go around the world in one day. Yeah, he's actually Link's six times replaced grand uncle. However, no one knows because Link decided to make himself famous in a video game."

"Really?"

"If you believe me, then yes. Because everyone knows that it's true." Niou said, looking at his fingernails as if they were the MOST interesting thing in the world. He gave out his best "believe-me-plz-I'm-being-sincere" look. Yes, with the chat speak too.

"Anyway, it's time to go home. I'm leaving before my mom thinks I bought a bus ticket and left her with my two younger brothers." Marui announced taking his stuff and leaving.

"Yeah, I should go home too before my mom freaks out about me getting raped by a stranger." Just like Marui, Kirihara picked up his things, threw them in his bag randomly, and left.

Niou yawned. "Well, I guess I'll go home since Yagyuu's not here and I really don't want to be the last one here to lock the door.

* * *

The very next day, Kirihara took a seat in his history class. He was so sure he'll get an A for sure! He studied all the notes Niou and his (kind-not-really) sister had given him. And yes, this was the only thing that he had studied for in his life. Screw English class.

He blinked as he looked at the clean sheet of test paper. "Okay…Kirihara Akaya. Name, done!"

_1) In what year was the Revolutionary War?_

_A) 1775_

_B) 1921_

_C) 1001_

_C) None of the above._

Kirihara gasped. HE DIDN'T KNOW. So he just guessed. "Uh…A." So he circled it.

_2) Name the "teams" during WWII._

_Team A)_

_Team B)_

"Uh…" He just scribbled the first countries that came in his head. For team A, he decided to randomly write Italy, Germany and Japan. He just had some weird feeling in his head. For the second one, he picked whatever was left. England, America, Russia, China, France. Yeah. They seemed normal enough.

_3) Finish this sentence: Greece…_

Akaya shrugged and wrote down, "is famous for their kittens."

_4) The world "beef" in English comes from which country?_

_A) Italy_

_B) America_

_C) Canada_

_D) France_

"Um…France since I don't really remember stuff about Italy!" Kirihara murmured to himself and picked D. Besides, he liked picking D.

_5) Where is the Great Wall of China?_

_A) China  
B) Canada_

_C) Germany  
D) Russia_

Kirihara blinked and took a second to think about it. Wasn't that in China? So he just picked A. He didn't know why, but it was as if the question gave him a huge hint. He didn't know where, but it helped a lot!

Thus, the questions kept going and Kirihara kept guessing. Actually, all the questions on his worksheet contained a bit of the questions on the test. Mostly 80 percent of it, but who is counting? Ha.

--

"So brat, how'd you do on the test?" Niou asked, putting a hand on Kirihara's shoulder as if he was REALLY caring. Actually, he just wanted to hear about the stupid answers he had given his dearest (and only) kouhai.

"I don't know, I just guessed." Kirihara answered with a shrug as he was getting ready to leave.

Marui blew a bubble then promptly popped it. "Knowing you, you'd probably randomly got them all right. For the oddest reason, you have the strangest luck. That Sengoku guy from Yamabuki must have rubbed off on you."

"Who is Sengoku again?"

"…" Marui just face palmed and left. "Just being with you guys makes me question my sanity."

Niou snickered. "Your therapist isn't helping?"

"Marui-sempai has a therapist?!"

"Never mind."

Yanagi walked in just in time to see Marui leave and Kirihara about to leave. "Niou, have you seen my book of world maps?"

"Yeah, it's right here." Niou replied, pulling said three thousand page book out from…uh…out of nowhere. He's magic like that. Or Rikkai was like that in general. God. It's because of Yukimura, obviously. Yukimura makes everything magic. And no, I'm not typing this much here because I thought I should take up more space. Haha.

Yanagi flipped through the book just in case Niou did something bad to it. "Um…why did on Earth did you draw a circle with the word "Iceland" on top of Germany?" He inquired, wondering if it was some stupid scheme used to trick Kirihara. He was 98.87438543534 percent sure.

"No reason."

Kirihara laughed before leaving. "Silly Yanagi-sempai, Iceland is obviously in Germany!" With that said, the devil of Rikkai took his leave.

"U-uh…I'll leave too!" Niou added, pulling Yagyuu along with him. Perhaps he was attempting to pull Yagyuu to his house, we'll never know. Well, we might. It's just another story that doesn't involve this.

"…" Yanagi was just…there.

Let's fast forward because we know that once Yanagi gets home, he probably gets on webcam with Inui to talk about statistics and who is more right than the other. Yeah, his day isn't really that interesting. Unless you like numbers and statistics. Yeah. I'm abusing yeah. Yeah.

* * *

"Congratulations Kirihara-kun, you managed to get your test all right! 100 percent correct!" The teacher, Miss-Whatever-Her-Name-Is, exclaimed joyously. Well, you would too if your student is failing and you dislike the fact that everyone is a smart person except THAT ONE student.

"Huh. I was so sure the kitten question was wrong…" Kirihara murmured to himself as he looked at the big red "100" on his test paper. Was this really his?!

"It was, but you got the extra credit right, which made you get 100!" Miss-Whatever-Her-Name-Is explained before walking off and giving papers to other children.

And so, Kirihara went to practice that day, received a lot of praise. Had Niou practically kill himself for making Kirihara pass, made Marui choke on his gum in surprise, made Sanada get a heart attack, gave Yanagi a leap (literally) of surprise, made Yagyuu drop and break his glasses, and had Jackal…um…congratulate him.

Wait, we forgot Yukimura. Yukimura went to the hospital from happiness/slight shock along with Sanada who had a heart attack.

Thus, Akaya vowed never to get a hundred percent on anything ever again.

* * *

Now back to the Super Smash Brothers fandom. 8D

My shameless advertisement: GO TO KYUUANDHONOO98 ON DEVIANTART RIGHT NOW!! -SHOT-


	20. That is Absurd

Holy—Well, I should have known I was at chapter 20! I would have updated faster! I feel so bad, everyone. I would also be surprised if anyone still reads this crap. XDDD

Before I start, I might make a few references to Fanfiction user's My Dad's Mr. Clean (who used to be Shroomx, I think?) stories. Go check them out!

Ignore this stupid author's comments and get on with this insanely short chapter with…_gasp_…JACKAL AS THE MAIN CHARACTER. NEXT THING WE KNOW, ROKKAKU WOULD BE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!!

**

* * *

**

50 Things I am not Allowed to do at Rikkaidai

**Number 20: I Will Not Shave Jackal's Head**

* * *

It was a perfectly normal day, which was something very rare in our favorite school, Rikkaidai. All the new first years were picking up either tennis balls or after their upperclassmen. Marui and Kirihara were off eating junk food behind Sanada's back, Niou was practicing tennis for once with his dear buddy Yagyuu (who was the one who begged Niou to practice in the first place), Yanagi was making calculations in his head because apparently making calculations in your head makes you smarter than Inui because Inui uses a notebook, Sanada was ordering people around, and Yukimura was doing buchou-related things.

Oh wait! Where was dear Jackal? Well, he came down with a small cough that morning and dearest Sanada-fukubuchou decided that Jackal might die, so he might as well stay home and be well rested. It looked somewhat like this:

"_Hello—cough—fukubuchou, buchou. Nice—cough—morning, isn't it?" Jackal greeted, pulling his red school uniform scarf closer to his face. He had a small cough that morning, which would probably go away in a few hours. It was quite normal for him._

_Yukimura smiled and greeted him silently before going back to do some buchou-related things which didn't involve playing tennis whatsoever. Sanada, on the other hand, was staring at Jackal as if he finally grew hair—which he didn't, by the way. _

"_Tarundoru!!" Sanada yelled before giving our favorite tennis player a giant Sanada-trademark slap. "Jackal, go home right now! It's for the best of the team!"_

"_B-but—cough—Fukubuchou," Jackal said, trying to explain, "it's just a small cough, I assure you it'll go away before—cough—practice even starts. Now please, let me get to my history class. I don't want Marui to do the presentation project alone because of what happened_ last—cough—time_…"_

_Sanada's dark eyes seemed to widen even more than before, which seemed impossible until now. It was just like any other dramatic anime or television show, when a character gets zoomed very closely into their eyes until the watchers get tired waiting for that much "anticipated" flashback. But then he quickly shook his head, shaking whatever dreaded thoughts were once on his mind. "Never mind that, I'm sure Niou would be able to handle watching him. You go home and rest."_

"_Really, Sanada-fukubuchou, you'd trust—cough—of all people, NIOU MASAHARU, the trickster to take care of Marui?" Jackal asked, hoping that the vice-captain would let him inside the school grounds soon._

"_Nonsense, Jackal. Go home before you collapse from your…deathly illness."_

_Jackal decided not to argue since it was no use fighting against Sanada, so he went home for the day, grateful that his mother understood the situation and didn't go insane that he was somewhat cutting school._

* * *

The Brazilian was currently looking at his mirror, as if he was the evil witch from Snow White, only he wasn't talking to the mirror because that would just be plain silly. He stared at it as if any moment now, his head would suddenly grow a full head of hair.

Unfortunately for Jackal, that never happened. However, hope was not lost. The man gasped before sitting closer to the mirror, getting his head at a certain angle to see what he wanted to see. He looked more like he was trying to head butt the mirror now rather than looking at it.

"It's…it's…_beautiful,_" the third year whispered, almost about to tear up any moment from the joy. "I've finally grown a hair!"

And what a day, it was for him. He immediately marked the special day on his calendar so he could remember it in the near future. He could just see it now; him telling his children—no, his _grandchildren_ about the day when Grandpa Jackal finally grew a single hair on his bald head!

Feeling quite happy, the man finally decided to go to bed…even though it was only five in the afternoon.

* * *

The next morning, Jackal skipped merrily out the door, scaring the strange old cat lady who lived across from him. She, sadly, suffered through a heart attack from the sight. Fortunately, one of her cats knew how to call the hospital, so she was saved and her cat became a national hero.

But enough about crazy cat ladies and their heroic cats, the story was supposed to focus on Jackal, which sounds a like a lot of blasphemy if the sentence was cut out from context. However since it is not, it _does_ make sense!

"Hey Marui-senpai, why the heck is Jackal-senpai so happy this morning?" Kirihara whispered quietly to his redhead upperclassman, feeling a small bit of fear in the pit of his stomach. Wait—maybe that was because he ate some rotten eggs that morning. His parents left for their, what seemed like, twentieth honeymoon, leaving him home with his older sister. Did he also mention that his sister doesn't know how to cook? Well, she didn't and now he did tell everyone.

Marui only shrugged while chewing on his third sugary doughnut. "Maybe he finally got Hannah Montana to write back to him," he suggested, not caring that he was technically spitting out food every few words at other random passing students.

Niou cleared his throat, making the two other Rikkaidai regulars turn around to face him. "Obviously it's because his mother finally got him that pet puppy he wanted since he was six but Santa Claus never gave him. Then he probably named it Hannah Montana or something."

"Never mind that, Niou, why the _hell_ do you have a _lamb_ chewing on your school pants?!" Marui demanded, pointing incredulously to the animal by Niou's legs.

"Shush Marui, the farmer went on vacation and apparently Lamb really wanted to see me again."

Lamb "baa'd" in agreement.

Kirihara and Marui only stared at each other, wondering if they should really ask. They finally decided not to. And so, Kirihara decided to change the topic back to Jackal. "Maybe he grew hair!"

"Akaya, that's by far the most _stupid, insane, brainless, absurd_ idea ever!" The trickster replied with Marui nodding in agreement and Lamb making a "baa!" in agreement (possibly). "Jackal's unable to grow hair because…well, I'm not quite sure about the reason, but he just can't, because if he does, then he would be the main character of this chapter. Stop making crazy statements, next thing we know, the next chapter would have _HIYOSHI_ as a main character."

"Oh for the love of tennis—No, not Hiyoshi!!" Kirihara exclaimed, looking as terrified as if he saw Yukimura angry. "Wait…who is…this 'Hiyoshi' person?"

There was an awkward silence until Niou slowly answered with a, "I…don't…know. I just wanted to use that name."

Somewhere in Hyoutei, a certain tennis player sneezed, causing him to mess up his paper. He wrote in pen, oh dear.

* * *

"Jackal, I suggest you stop smiling before you scare even more first years. There has already 2.38932 percent more people leaving the club and 48.372832 percent less people joining the club since this morning." Yanagi said quietly, trying his best not to see the somewhat deranged smile on the Brazilian's face. It was quite easy for him to do seeing that he never usually opens his eyes.

"O-oh, I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry, but I'm just so…_happy._"

"May I ask why?" Yukimura asked. He had been standing there for a few minute now since he was finally done with those buchou-related activities which had nothing to do whatsoever with tennis.

Jackal looked offended, but answered, "I grew…" he seemed more like a giddy school girl by now, "a _hair._"

"Whoop-de-doo, you grew a hair. It's called puberty, Jackal." At first Niou was a bit interested in what the reason was, but now he just rolled his eyes and started to walk away.

"Wait, Niou-kun. I think he meant he grew a _hair _on his_ head._" Yagyuu explained, pushing his glasses further up his nose, not wanting to sound as shocked as he actually was.

Everyone gasped at the comment and Marui dropped the half eaten cake in his left hand while his racket fell from his other hand. All the regulars came up and faced Jackal.

However, "everyone" did not apply to Niou. He only rolled his eyes once more. "Please, Yagyuu. That is the most _stupid, insane, brainless, absurd_ thing to say ever. Next thing we know, everyone will be writing 50 things they're not allowed to do for all the other schools."

Yanagi cleared his throat, making sure he wasn't as surprised as he really was. "But they already are."

"Wh—Seriously?" For once Niou was actually caught off guard.

"I'm pretty sure they are. There is a 78.9732764 percent chance that I am correct. And there is also a 90.37823 percent chance that they're writing about our 'rivals' _Seigaku._"

"…Let's shave it off."

There was a long silence and even Jackal decided to gape at the last comment. Everyone but Kirihara shot our dear trickster a glare.

"What? I mean maybe if we do—"

Niou was quickly cut off by Yanagi. "Sorry Niou-kun, it's too late. People have probably written a lot of those stories now. I'm 98.87345 percent certain that even if we shaved off his…erm…_hair_ it wouldn't solve any of our problems."

Kirihara, whose eyes were shining as bright as a five year old who just discovered their love for explosions and fire, suddenly exclaimed, "Maybe if we shave it off, we get one wish just like a shooting star!!"

"Ignoring Akaya's stupid comment, I agree with Niou so you should all agree with me since I'm a genius," Marui said, "We should shave his hair off just in case something bad happens.

"N-no, please! It took a long time to grow this hair!" Jackal pleaded, hoping he could run away. By now Niou, Marui, and Kirihara were looking at him as if he was a rabbit thrown into a cage full of hungry tigers…that or Lamb when the Marui family get hungry.

Yukimura smiled pleasantly and gestured silently towards Niou to grab the rope. The silver-haired man smiled with a mixture of delight and what seemed to be either sadism or plain craziness.

"NOOOO!!!"

* * *

"…and so, we are all here for the death of dear Jackal's hair." Marui groaned, reading through the giant paper thrown at him only three minutes ago. What kind of speech is this?

Jackal cried in his kerchief like a sobbing widow after her husband's death. "He was so young…"

Yagyuu only sighed and gave poor Jackal a pat on the back.

"Grr, I hate ties…" Kirihara muttered in the background, only to be slapped into the giant box coffin which contained the "body" by Sanada.

"NO!! MY HAIR!!"

"I have a date to get to…can I leave now?" Marui sighed, popping his gum irritably.

"Yes and I have to prove to Sadaharu once again that I am more superior than he is," Yanagi added.

"And I have to bring my…_wife_ back home."

And since Jackal was too busy weeping over his umm…hair, half the club decided to just go home for that day. Some were mad since they were actually _planning_ on playing tennis (yeah, a big surprise, isn't it?).

Rikkaidai never got their wish though, however, it was said that Echizen was almost hit by a car just a day after Jackal got his hair cut. The last person to touch the hair was Yukimura, though.

It was probably just a coincidence.


	21. Five Percent Protein!

How awkward, two updates in a month by someone who barely writes fanfiction, let alone Prince of Tennis stories! Maybe today's your lucky day! That or I'm trying to apologizing for probably falling off the face of the planet for like…what, six months or so? Yeah, I'm terribly sorry.

By the way, thanks for 300 reviews, people. I never thought a story could even _get_ that many reviews!

* * *

**50 Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at Rikkaidai**

Number 21: I will not say Inui Sadaharu's more superior than Yanagi Renji.

* * *

It was yet another peaceful day at Rikkaidai Gakuen. The birds were choking out broken up worm crap to their annoying, chirping babies, the flowers were blowing bits of their own reproductive parts into the air and possibly making someone who has a flower allergy die, an old lady was walking her pet poodle who looked like it wanted to just run into the street and kill itself. Beautiful, isn't it?

Tennis practice had gone along perfectly fine that day for everyone, including dear Kirihara, who didn't receive a Sanada-trademark slap from his dear fukubuchou yet. Well, everyone except a certain Yanagi Renji. The poor man was stalking back and forth in the club room, looking as if he was doing something very important.

Yukimura, who just finished his buchou-related activities which had nothing to do whatsoever with tennis, walked over to poor Yanagi. He gave a soft pat on the other third year's shoulder. "Renji, are you alright?" he asked worriedly. After all, if Yanagi were to suddenly go crazy and _stop_ playing tennis, they couldn't rub it in Seigaku's regular's faces that they had the smartest person possibly known to man besides L or B, but that's spoiling a good book!

"Oh, it's nothing Seiichi. I was just thinking."

"Thinking?" It was quite strange to hear THE YANAGI RENJI think. I mean, his brain was probably functioning so fast that thinking was the least of his problems. He probably thought about math in his sleep! Yukimura Seiichi, for one, was somewhat amused that THE YANAGI RENJI actually thought. (This was not supposed to sound insulting, rather…not insulting. Whatever.)

"Yes, I was thinking about how to be smarter than Sadaharu again," Yanagi answered, looking not at the least, happy about his lack of results. "I'm now on plan 34787B."

"Thirty-four thousand seven hundred and eighty-seven B…?"

"Yes. Or if you'd rather, just say 34787B. It'll make typing easier." Good to know Yanagi Renji liked to break the already crumbling fourth wall.

"Alright then, I'll go do more buchou-related-stuff-that-has-nothing-to-do-with-tennis now. Have a nice time thinking, Renji." Yukimura gave Yanagi the most pleasant smile he can muster out and left….pleasantly.

"What a pleasant guy," a random first year said when Yukimura walked by him.

Renji continued to pace. 'How am I going to one up Sadaharu? Better yet, what _haven't_ I one uped him in yet?' Renji pondered. He continued to think and think. Enough thinking to make someone's normal brain explode.

Somewhere near-by, a random freshman who recently joined Rikkaidai in hopes of being number one's head start to hurt a lot. It was as if a genius was thinking so hard that his brainwaves were affecting whoever reached within a five hundred yard radius of him. His head started to hurt so much, he decided to quit the tennis team and live a life of priesthood—well, we were just kidding about that part. He actually just went home.

Actually, half the non-regulars that day decided to go home due to strange headaches.

Kirihara Akaya, surprisingly, did not go home. Yanagi's brainwaves did not affect him at all. Strange.

* * *

At that exactly moment in Seigaku, Inui Sadaharu was finishing up his latest Special Awesome Amazing Remixed version of his Inui Juice. However, this time the drink has five percent more protein than usual! That's right, **five** more percent of protein! Go buy it now, for just 150 yen! How cheap, no?

_Ahem—_anyhow, moving on. Inui had just finished stirring what seemed to be a rainbow colored drink with dashes of sparkles and…what was that? Cinnamon? Well, it certainly smelled like cinnamon in the changing room.

"At last, I have developed a drink that shall surpass Yanagi Renji!!" Inui let out a mad scientist laugh, only with more monotone.

That day, everyone in Seigaku decided to skip changing and just go home without their stuff. Luckily for half the regulars, they leave their stuff outside.

* * *

It was a normal Sunday afternoon. A day of which the regulars of Rikkai practiced for hours and hours until their arms practically fall off. Inui Sadaharu was making his merry way towards Rikkai's training courts, a giant briefcase in hand. One could assume he was trying very hard to cosplay as Kaiba from Yu-gi-oh since they practically had the same voice. However, he wasn't trying to dress up and he wasn't rich…like Atobe. But, of course, we all know that Kaiba was probably ten times richer than Atobe. Plus, Kaiba had a kickass coat. Beat that, Atobe.

Anyway, continuing with the story. Inui made his ways through the somewhat crowded paths towards the courts where he spotted his dear friend Renji. He quickly made his way towards the man and greeted him.

"Hello Sadaharu, I half expected you to be here. Well, over half expected. More like 68 percent."

Inui pushed his glasses up and put his briefcase on the bench, opening it expertly. "And there is a 56 percent chance that you will be impressed by my new creation."

"There is a 56 percent that I will not, actually," Yanagi countered, earning a somewhat glare from his childhood friend.

Inui pulled out his thermos of Special Awesome Amazing Remixed version of Inui Juice and poured the sparkling rainbow goodness into a small cup. "I created the greatest drink ever, and it has five percent more protein!"

The professor of Rikkai peered in the cup with his somewhat squinty (or were they closed?) eyes. "What does it do? Not that I already don't know, but feel free to explain."

"Well, it boosts the immune system, makes your muscles stronger, keeps you fit and fills you up with energy. _Plus_, it sparkles. Apparently kids these days like sparkly things. There is a 48 percent chance that if we added sparkles to vampires, the kids will just come running to get them."

Yanagi nodded. "That seems logical, but what do vampires have to do with tennis?"

"…" There was an awkward silence between the two data masters. Finally, Inui answered with a short, "I…don't know. They don't. I was just using it as an example."

The two remained silent, with Inui clutching his thermos as if it was the only thing worth living for besides tennis and Yanagi looking at the drink as if spilling a bit would melt a hole into the bench.

Just then, a worthy victim—err…_candidate_ came walking by and noticed the two data masters. "Hey there, Yanagi! What's up?" Marui asked, seeming a bit cheerier than usual. Apparently his fanboy, Jiroh, didn't show up that day to molest him on the spot. What a great day!

"Well, Sadaharu made a new drink…"

"Oh! A drink, great! I'm dying of thirst after practice!" Marui grabbed the cup and didn't bother looking at the strange sparkling color. "Well, bottoms up!" He took a gulp and swallowed the whole drink. "Hmm…tastes like mom's homemade muffins."

Yanagi looked expectantly at the redhead for some sort of reaction while Inui was somewhat dumbfound about the taste. Inui mumbled a bit to himself something along the lines of, "must have been when I dropped half my breakfast in there…"

"Do you…feel any different, Marui?" Yanagi questioned, pulling out a small notebook and flipping to the "Marui Bunta" page. He pulled out a pencil, getting ready to write.

Marui blinked. "I suddenly feel a bit stronger, if that's what you mean. I can probably run a few more laps…Not that I want to."

And as if the world hated Marui, Sanada came by and ordered Marui to run sixty laps for not running his earlier laps. What a strange twist of irony. But this time, instead of Marui's usual groaning about running, the boy just dashed almost as fast as Kirihara to a Twilight signing. And that's fast. Believe us.

"It looks like I am more superior than you, Renji." With that said, Inui took his things and left. Along the way, he accidentally hit a random freshman on the head with his giant briefcase. Poor freshman, he passed out right away.

Renji just stood there, for once, dumbfounded.

_He wanted revenge._

* * *

That very night, Yanagi Renji started to mix his own Super Special Awesome Amazing Remix Yanagi Power Drink. Sadly, he did not get any sleep, but that's okay. Geniuses don't need sleep.

* * *

The very next morning, Yanagi showed up with two—not one, count them, but _two_—briefcases. It obviously showed that he was far superior than Inui because he had _two_ cases to bring and that he's obviously _not_ Kaiba.

"Hey Yanagi, what's up?" Yanagi's victim—err—Marui asked that very afternoon a bit after practice. He was in a good mood today as well since he had aced a math test and that Sanada didn't order him to run laps for no reason.

"Just the person I wanted to see. Marui Bunta. Would you like a taste?" The professor of Rikkai handed the redhead a cup of glowing red liquid. It looked like lava, except it was cold. Ironic.

Marui didn't bother to inspect what was in his cup and just drank it down as if he never drank any type of liquid in his life before. "Ahh… Tasty and refreshing! What is it?" Strange for him to ask _after_ he drank it. Seriously, what if it was poison? The poor genius would have been on the floor dead by now.

"Well, if you want to know the ingredients, they're strictly confidential. I will tell you this, it'll boost your immune system way more than Sadaharu's drink. You'll grow stronger and you'll have way more energy than you ever would. Plus, I'll give you a free bendy straw if you buy one. Oh right—before I forget, I also have to mention that this drink has six—that's right—_six_ percent of protein and three percent zinc. That's obviously better than Sadaharu's drink. I call it the Super Special Awesome Amazing Remix Yanagi Power Drink, or the SSAARYPD. Either way it's a long name," Yanagi explained as if he had rehearsed the whole night. He barely had to take a breath!

"Yeah, but it's missing something…"

Yanagi looked up from his notes. "You mean the bendy straw? Which color would you prefer? I brought lime green, neon blue, and hot pink." The professor pulled out the straws from his bag. It was amazing that none of them were crushed under his books.

"No…it's just not…sparkly enough for me. I'm a flashy person, you know."

"…" The taller of the two reached into his bag and pulled out an emergency "in case they want sparkles" pouch. He sprinkled what seemed to look like fairy dust on top of the drink. "Happy now?"

Marui didn't say a word, instead, he drank another cup…then another cup, then another. He looked like a drunken man in a bar after his wife decided to take their two kids and ditch him. Only he wasn't drunk…nor does he have a wife and two kids (well, at least we think he doesn't).

"Marui, it's not good to overdose. I never looked through the symptoms—" Poor Yanagi was cut off by an extremely hyper red haired genius.

Marui let out a screech as if he went crazy (well, he did) and raced out the door screaming as if Sanada was wearing a pink frilly apron and wanted to cut his head off with a kitchen knife, all the while holding on to an equally as frilly teddy bear in his left hand. Now _that's_ scary.

"Hmm… Drink excites subject. Subject will scream, flail, and run out the door as if the world was ending…" Yanagi jotted down.

* * *

That very night, Yanagi decided to call his good friend Inui to watch the news with him.

"You see Sadaharu? Marui is still running and it's been three hours. Obviously my drink is better than yours."

"…_Renji, isn't that dangerous?"_

"Oh, you're right. He's about to crash into the Tokyo Tower… However, he's still running at a rate that even Kamio from Fudomine cannot beat, am I right?"

"_That wasn't what I meant, but_…_is this a challenge, Renji? Because I _will_ make a better drink for your Marui-san."_

Yanagi could only hide a smile. "Why thank you, Sadaharu. I'm sure Seiichi would appreciate you helping Rikkaidai with our strength."

"_Wh—I don't mean it that way! I'm not trying to help you!"_

"Sorry Sadaharu, but it seems like I won. I'm obviously smarter than you." With that said, Yanagi hung up on Seigaku's poor data master.

* * *

"_Hello everyone! Today is XX Day XX Month, and we have a special report live from Tokyo! We seem to have found a strange red haired…male…? Female? We're not sure, but this person has been running around Tokyo for at least six hours straight. Who is this mysterious person? Why is he running? Tune in later for more information! Oh my goodness, he's just not stopping!"_

It was from then on, the rest of Rikkai swore not to mention the words "Inui", "is", and "better than Yanagi".

It was also from then on that Kirihara Akaya decided not to go to anymore Twilight book signings. It was starting to bore him anyway.

And of course, somewhere in Rikkaidai, Niou was grieving that he never got a cameo in the chapter. If this chapter was about Yanagi, and the last was Jackal, that meant that all the minor characters were revolting! Oh no!

Somewhere out there, Jackal sneezed.

* * *

Before anyone asks, yes, Kaiba Seto and Inui Sadaharu have the same voice actor. Imagine that. Hell, Bakura Ryou's third voice actor and Satoshi had the same voice! Mokuba was Naruto! (This last sentence was edited because the author was stupid enough to write "Yanagi Renji" instead of "Inui Sadaharu". That's just how awesome Yanagi is.)


End file.
